You are here

Sorry But I'm The Mrs. Now

Fading's picture

So I found out the other day that BM is still using DH's last name. This I would not care about normally but she has REMARRIED. BM got married last July and still hasn't changed her last name. Are you really still that attached to DH? I let DH know that if I had known this before I changed my last name, I would not have done it until she changed hers. Anyone else have this problem? Feel the same way?

Comments

LMR120's picture

My BF BM has not gotten re-married but if she did and did not take her new hubbys last name I wouldnt like it. She still has his last name and I dont like it but they have two kids together so I know she is keeping it so that she has the same last name as the kids. I live in Cali and by law we can not make BM change her name. The only way we can do this is if he and I got married then he could ask the court to make her. What are the laws in your state? Maybe you can ask the courts to make her.

Jsmom's picture

My DH ex still has her name after re-marrying. I didn't change mine. No F---- way. I have my late husbands name hyphenated with my maiden name. I am not adding a third to the mix. She said she wanted to have the same name as her kids. No problem. You can have it. Don't let this bother you. I would just use your old name.

folkmom's picture

x

bioandstep2009's picture

My FH's ex-wife recently remarried but I'm not sure what name she's using. I think she's taking his name but maybe added on to FH's name since she kept FH's name to match SS10's. Honestly, I've never liked her keeping the name. I'm divorced and I dropped my ex's name like a hot potato. But that had more to do with the fact that we were so young when we married and divorced, and it was overall a bad relationship. I never liked the name with mine, never felt right, so I reverted to my maiden name (had it restored in the divorce decree). My daughter however has my ex-husband's last name so for the longest time, we've always had different last names. Doesn't bother me, I've never had any issues with pre-school or regular school. She knows I'm her mom and my name is what it is. Doesn't bother her either. When I remarry, I plan on taking FH's last name but DD11 will keep her father's name. I think she sees it as who she is and I don't think my ex would approve of tacking on FH's name either. I wish BM would drop FH's name and just use her new husband's name in conjunction with the long list of names she goes by, First Middle Maiden New Hubby. I suspect it's First Middle Maiden FH's Name Hubby's Name which is ridiculous!

Snowflake's picture

I knew someone who kept her ex's last name, and it certainly wasn't because she wanted him back, it was because she had it so long that that is what people in the professional world knew her as. It takes alot to change your last name. Although I too would be ticked if bm had kept dh's last name, I would know that he is no longer hers.

stepmom008's picture

I love this!!

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Fading's picture

I could understand if that were the case Snowflake. But BM just started working again for the first time in 10 years last month. And most people know her by her maiden name. DH asked her why she hadn't changed it. She said because she didn't have time. Refer to the above: She JUST started working again. Before that she sat around all day while her mum watched Atilla and her new baby. But Good SIL said when she talked to BM and had asked her about it BM said she missed DH. (Good SIL works at a pharmacy and was filling a prescription for BM).

~*Fading*~
::*(\_(\
*: (=’:’ ):*
•..(,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»

"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison

belleboudeuse's picture

That "not having time" line is b.s. On marriage license application, they ask you what your name will be after marriage. You do it while you're filling out the application -- and you get a freebie name change when you get married. Obviously, that's not the reason.

But even though I hate that BM has the same name as my DH, it's the name of her children. I do understand that. I decided not to take my DH's name in part because I didn't want to have her name, and I wanted to retain my own identity. Frankly, I'm sure it would have pissed her off if I had taken that name -- it almost would have been worth it, but I really don't want to have my name the same as hers.

BB

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Snowflake's picture

That is really sad then. It sounds like she can't get over him. If she was even trying, then she would reclaim her dignity and change her name.

But do know this - She can't have him, he is yours!!! She be in her little pretend world all she wants, but at the end of the day, you are the one he is coming home to now, and you are the one he loves!!!

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

Ok I totally understand hating sharing the last time but as a BM I SERIOUSLY hate having a different last name than perfectson. Matter of fact I think if something ever happened (not that it would, but IF) and I wound up divorced I would probably take back EH's last name so perfectson and I would have the same name.

devilwoman's picture

I mentioned once before that I had my EXs last name until I remarried. I would've gone back to my maiden name right after the divorce, but he made a huge fuss about it in court...referring to me by my maiden name and DEMANDING that I stop using HIS name. The judge ordered him to call me by my married LEGAL name, and I said that I would keep his damn name until I died, even if I remarried six times! I didn't, LOL, but I sure meant it when I said it.

He was SUCH a jerk.

soverysad's picture

Wingnut will never remarry and she will never change her name from Mrs xdh. I guess since she was Mrs. xdh for longer than she was Miss Maiden Name, I kind of get it. It doesn't really bother me. I know that I am the real Mrs. DH. I guess it would bug me if someone thought we were related. EW!!! But there isn't much danger in that since our paths never cross despite the fact that we live 2 miles apart.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

stepmom008's picture

Girl, I feel you! Wilda is still using BF's last name DESPITE the fact that the divorce agreement legally changed it back to her maiden name. I get wanting to have the same last name as your kid but if you had it written into the agreement, then honor it! UGH - it makes me mad!!

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

bioandstep2009's picture

Question, when you keep your ex-husband's name, are you "MRS." XH or MS. XH? When BM identifies herself, she doesn't precede it with a salutation. Just wondered what the etiquette is.

stepmom008's picture

oooh - good question!

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

soverysad's picture

I think the appropriate etiquette is to use Ms XH, but Wingnut still goes by Mrs. Whatever, I could care less what she goes by. It doesn't affect who I am. I am Mrs. DH. She can play house all she wants.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

Once they are divorced they go back to being a "Ms." regardless if they kept the last name or not. My SO exwife had the nerve to introduce herself as "Mrs. blah, blah, blah" to me over the phone. Seriously did she think I was going to call her by "Mrs. blah, blah, blah" If and when SO and I get married I will make sure to reintroduce myself as "Mrs. blah, blah, blah" to her. Can't wait!!!

CP

Shell8078's picture

Well my aunt uses her old married last name still to this day, she kept using it because it was easier for her to keep the same last name as her daughter. When she got married she hyphenated her old last name with her new married name and now that my cousin is 25 she still keeps it because that legally is her name.

A name is just a name, no big deal. There are most likely millions of other people with your last name, even some who have your exact name. Don't press the issue, you're still the wife no matter what. You only have to worry if she is doing something fraudulent with it and involving your Husband.

Kb3Hooah's picture

I definitely don't want my Ex back by any means, but I still have his last name. I don't want to have a different name than the kids, and even if I were to get remarried, I would hyphenate. I know I probably shouldn't feel this way, but changing my last name to anything different than theirs feels like I'm leaving them behind. I don't even associate my last name to my Ex's now that we are divorced. {shivers}

___________________________________________________________________________
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Rags's picture

Not to piss in anyone's Wheaties on this but the XW/BM does have children with your DH. When my XW and I divorced she was getting pretty bitchy in court about changing back to her maiden name. The Judge asked if there was a possible pregnancy and she made some snarky comment and bitched at the Judge about wanting her name back. He jacked her up and told her that if she did not zip her lip he would have her in for an amnio to prove that she was not pregnanct and if she was pregnant she would never get her name back.

I stepped in at that point and assured the Judge that the only way she was pregnant by me is if it was the second immaculate conception.

He winked at me and told her to stand there and shut up until the hearing was done unless he or I asked her a direct question.

My point is, if there had been any children in our marriage the Judge would not have granted her request to revert to her maiden name.

Using your DH's last name may not be her choice or she may want to keep the same name as her children.

Thank God I did not successfully spawn with that adulterous crazy wench.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Rags's picture

Shell,

Nope, I don't hate the XW at all. Though I am glad to be rid of her. I ran in to her at a restaurant several years ago. She was there with her Geriatric Fortune 500 Exectuve SugarDaddy (the one she dated while we were married) and their three kids. She looked like crap and was bitchy the whole meal. She looked like she had been unhappy for a very long time.

I was sitting several tables away with a few clients. She did not notice me.

The experience actually made me sad. She was a beautiful dynamic and extremely intelligent young woman when we married. Though I could not respect her I would not wish a miserable life for her.

I have moved on to a great life, career, marriage and family and she seems to still be living the same high drama crap she lived after we married and divorced.

That is sad and I do not wish it on anyone.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Rags's picture

Crayon,

XW and I had no kids, minimal assets and she was so obviously a freak show that the Judge had little tolerance for her crap.

Interestingly I did not have an attorney. She did. I was the only one in the court with the exception of my XW and her attorney. I sat in the gallery when the proceedings started. The Judge asked if I was present, the attorney and my XW told the Judge that the divorce was uncontested. The Judge then asked who I was. I told him and he insisted that I stand in front of the bench where my XW proceeded to bare her ass in front of the Judge.

She was getting nasty and I just wanted out with what I entered the marriage with. I got everything including the house as soon as the Judge ruled "assets divided as possessed". She had moved out of the home we had bought bought 9mos before so I got it. We actually ended up splitting the proceeds of the sale 3.5yrs later.

So, I am not sure I got a pro guy Judge more than my XW was getting bitchy with the Judge while I stayed calm.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

Mommyto1Stepto2's picture

My BM kept my DH's last name but she hasn't remarried. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the kids having the same last name and that she has used it professionally. With that being said, it does suck when I get mistaken for her, yuck!

Also, my mom and dad divorced when I was very young and my mom kept my dad's last name. Still has it, 25 years later and us kids are grown up married etc. And she wants ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with him!!!

lovin_my_life's picture

After I remarried I waited about 4/5 months before changing my name. Where I live, we have to change it with Social Security before we change it with the DMV, otherwise the system won't match. I waited until I had enough time in a week to make both trips (it takes 48hrs for systems to match).

I know it's annoying; our BM still has the same last name and my only peeve is when she gets something in the mail that says MRS and she goes on and on about how it's not MRS b/c DH left her and that made her a MS. Other than that, I don't sweat it too much; she put up with his crap so I guess she deserves to have whatever name she wants...

smirked's picture

I am guilty of having my X's last name still. I am remarried have 4 children with my current husband & have yet to change my last name. At first I didn't bother because it just was not important & my two eldest had that name. When I got re married our wedding certificate never came in the mail, I have tried a couple of times to get in touch with the court office but its in the Cayman Islands and I have not had much luck.
Its one of those things I want to get done, just seems more important things come up & it gets pushed down the priority list.
It in no way means I am attached to it, like it or want my X back.....just the thought that anyone would think that has made me think I should get it done lol!

Coldandloved's picture

I hate it, I hate it sooo much. She asked DH during the divorce. At the time DH was so hurt he just didn't care, and she said since her career was established with his name she wanted to keep it. I'm trained in the same profession as her, though, she is like 16 years my senior. I'm thinking about getting a lisence plate that says REALMRS or something there abouts

bioandstep2009's picture

that's awesome! LOL... I was thinking of something similar! I currently have personalized plates and was thinking of changing it anyway.

TheWife's picture

IDK, isn't that going to let her know it bothers you, and will make her sink her teeth into the last name even more?

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

bioandstep2009's picture

My current plates are specific to my current name. I wanted to change them because honestly, I'll be proud to have my DH's name and want to declare it to the world! Maybe I'll just come up with something that's specific to DH's name as opposed to "the real mrs" that way, she can't know it bothered me that she kept the name. Who knows though, like I said, I think she is using her new hubby's name. She sent something to SS10 in the mail and it had the new last name on it so maybe.

bearcub25's picture

Our BM called herself Mrs. XXX for a few years. She told BF she had an emergency with the kids one day and needed me to call her. She just wanted me to hear her VM....this is 'Mrs XXX' in a snotty voice.

And that was 2 years after the divorce.

Fading's picture

This is probably going to piss some people off but here goes it.
My mum has been married twice but has 4 children from 3 fathers. My sister has a different last name, I have a different last name, and my brothers have a different last name. She now goes by my stepfather's last name. She has never been looked at differently for it.
When I think of a last name, I think this way:
Maiden name- your birth identity
Married name- your identity when you are with your spouse

When that marriage ends, your identity WITH that spouse ends, so in my mind you should take back your maiden name. But if there are children in the mix I can understand keeping the married name UNITL/UNLESS you get remarried. Now if someone choses to KEEP their maiden name instead of changing it, thats different.

Some people might not understand this until you are in a full room and the name MRS. DH gets called and the Ex answers right along with you. I'm sorry but I feel my rights as MRS. DH are being infringed upon because she refuses to take her new hubbys name. I talked to DH over my lunch hour and if she hasn't changed it by March 30th, I am changing mine back, possibly hyphenated.

I don't mean to offend anyone, because everyone feels differently about these things and I just feel like by her still signing everything and refering to herself as MRS. DH, she is infringing on my rights. And the part that really bothers me is the fact she goes by MRS. not MS. And up until DH and I were married last October, whenever she'd call she would say "This is DH's wife, *name*" Yea so I have some hard feelings on it I guess. No offense to anyone here for keeping their Ex's last name! Most of you ladies have valid reasons instead of "i didn't have time" or "i miss him". Smile

~*Fading*~
::*(\_(\
*: (=’:’ ):*
•..(,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»

"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison