I Married YOU, Not HER
Some people seem to have this awkward assumption that when you marry a man (or woman) with kids, you marry the kids. Guess what? Not true! The only names on that damn marriage certificate are DH's and mine. Legally, I have absolutely no obligations to that child, period. Morally, sure it would be terrific if we could skip through a field of daisies and make flower crowns whilst giggling and smiling...but in reality, this rarely happens, ever.
One thing I KNEW (for sure) when DH and I got married was that we weren't going to have a honeymoon after the wedding. Now, though, DH and I are making enough money to pay our bills and have a little extra now and then to save up. So, being the World of Warcraft geeks we are, I told DH about 2 weeks ago that we should go to Blizzcon 2013 in Anaheim, CA and while we are there, we can visit the ocean, Disneyland, Universal, etc... DH thought this was a GREAT idea and so we estimated the figures high and for the two of us for a 5-6 day trip + airfare, and some extra spending money, it would cost us around $5000. We have over a year to save up, so this is terrific. DH posted his joy about our newly planned trip on Facebook...Biggest mistake EVER.
First off, BIL(2), the non-@$$hat but self serving one, says that he wants to go to Blizzcon 2013. DH commented back and said that is fine, he cannot stop him from going, but he will need his own room and transportation since we are staying longer and that he could go to the Con with us, but the rest was an 'us' thing. Well, BIL(2) said this was fine and that he would get a power chair (he's extremely obese, not disabled, but refuses to do anything about it) and that would help him to keep up at the Con.
Well, Sunday rolls around and we go to MIL & BIL(2)'s house for dinner (yes, they live together). BIL(2) brings up the trip and says that he cannot afford a hotel room on his own so he will have to share with us and that he would need rides to and from the airport in CA...I kept my mouth shut and let DH handle it and I was super proud. DH advised BIL(2) that this was a make-up honeymoon that we never got and no one would be staying in the room with us, not only that but he knew I would be uncomfortable sleeping and dressing in the same room. DH also advised BIL(2) that we would be staying longer to visit some other attractions and sites. DH told BIL(2) that we were able to get rooms at a Hilton for about $110.00 a night and that if he could afford all but those (and has over a year to save) then he shouldn't be going in the first place. Naturally, BIL(2) was upset and complained. BIL(2) wanted to know where else we planned on going and why he isn't allow to 'tag along'. DH reiterated that this is a HONEYMOON and that we were visiting Disney, the ocean, Universal, and some other places we can work in out there.
Well, naturally SD just so happens to walk in when DH said Disney and she starts screaming that she wants to go. DH explained that this is not a trip that she can go on. SD started kicking and screaming, crying and throwing a tantrum. DH looks at me with a 'can we take her' look and I said flat out, HELL NO.
Now explain to me why in the seven hells, BIL(2) is not allowed on our 'honeymoon' but Devilchild is? I'm sorry, but WTF? It seems that DH has sided with me and SD will NOT be going with us, but if the day comes and he has a skid-surprise for me, they can go to Anaheim while I have divorce papers drawn up. We have never taken a 'real' vacation EVER and the small ones we took were hardly ever just us two.
We decided this was our make-up honeymoon. I married DH, NOT SD. So why the hell should she be allowed on our honeymoon?
I am sure someone is going to say "When you married DH, SD came with the package". Sure she came with the package, but legally, since she has her MOTHER and her FATHER and I haven't adopted her in anyway, I have absolutely no legal obligation to her. I am not her 'parent' or her 'guardian'. I cannot get medical or educational information on her. And I sure as hell do not have to opt in to take her on my 'honeymoon'. She has gotten plenty of 'special' trips that were just her and DH. It's my turn.
Can't you tell I am super annoyed? 
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I try to put disclaimers on
I try to put disclaimers on some posts because from previous experience, there is always at least one out there (or at least a troll)! LoL. If I say it first, then they just look dumb reiterating it. }:)
It don't matter if you do/did
It don't matter if you do/did marry someone with kids all adults need time alone. If anything I have learned over the years (couple marriages) is to put your marriage and your relationship with your spouse first!! You deserve this time, you need this time!! Do not back down!!
Exactly! We've been together
Exactly! We've been together 5 years and married for 3. We knew at the time we married we wouldn't have a honeymoon because between child support and the expenses of SD's medical bills at that time, we just couldn't do it (my parents helped foot the wedding). So we decided to wait until we were able to save up. I honestly thought it would take longer, but after DH lost his job, he found an even more amazing job and I ended up getting a surprise raise, so we will be able to go next year (as long as nothing major happens).
Oh my land! That reminds me
Oh my land! That reminds me of one the the weirdest and most awkward 'wedding' gifts I got at my bridal shower! (First marriage for me). My mother in law's friend gave me a gift certificate to a buffett restaurant (that closed shortly after! never got to use it) and a pair of toe socks. That thank you card was the hardest one to write!
Hopefully, your DH has come
Hopefully, your DH has come away from this with a new-found understanding of keeping his mouth shut in terms of telling anyone (in real life or on FaceBook) about private plans the 2 of you make. It doesn't matter how freakin' excited he was. He should have kept that shit to himself.
And, NO....HELL NO....your SD should not be permitted to tag along....nor any of the BILs, nor anyone else for that matter.
I think thats' crap to say
I think thats' crap to say that second marriages often dont get benefits. Hell to the no! I have alot more "benefits" in this marriage as I am older, more established in my profession, as is my dh. We take lots of trips together. We have taken several week long trips in the past, but even when we dont do that we try to take multiple weekend or long weekend trips each year. I love my kids (not his so much)but there is nothing more special than couple time. It renews us, bring us closer, and keeps us grounded so that we can put up with this stepmess!
I'm only in my 20's so we
I'm only in my 20's so we haven't had much 'establishing' yet. DH is older, but BM has pretty much ruined any financial anything he could've had with his previous job (didn't pay very well and the hours were crap), but his new job is amazing and hopefully after he's been there a while and I've been at my job a bit longer we'll be able to take more 'honeymoons'
DH's family has several
DH's family has several boundry issues. They are always all up in everyone elses sh!t. We set boundries, and then have to explain in detail what and why because some of them are too dumb to understand otherwise. Not a huge deal if he goes, gets his own room and transport, and we ONLY see him at the Con. Can't stop him from going there and we plan on visiting with some gamer friends whilst there. But everything else is ours. And sharing a room with him would just be down right creep-central.
Have fun on your trip!! I
Have fun on your trip!! I have never been to Disney either, I hope it's a blast for you both.
My FDH and I (thanksfully) get to travel alone quite often. He works for a hotel chain so that helps out immensely. I hope you have lots of 'hotel sex'. For some reason, he thinks hotel sex is better than home sex. He's a dork sometimes.
Lmao, hotel sex. It does seem
Lmao, hotel sex. It does seem different than say at-home sex?
LOL...I always call it,
LOL...I always call it, "Vacation Sex" and yes, for some reason it is much better than at home sex!!
Your honeymoon is YOURS and
Your honeymoon is YOURS and DH's...no one else's. No one else should ask or expect to be invited along! PERIOD!
I hope you and he get to go and enjoy your time alone without anyone in the family interfering.
When BM found out that DH and
When BM found out that DH and I were going to the Carribean for a week to get married and spend our honeymoon there she actually had the nerve to ask DH if we were going to take the kids? Really? Are you freaking nuts BM. (Strike that. I already know the answer.) I really just wanted to email her and ask her who takes their kids on an intimate honeymoon? The kids would make it all about them. They would fight all of the time and make DH's life and I miserable not to mention between SD and SS I wouldn't have any alone time with my DH.
This was the first actual vacation we've ever taken and will probably be the last for a while.
I agree. Your honeymoon, your vacation, your time. SD and BIL can butt out.
Yuck, I feel for you. I
Yuck, I feel for you. I wouldn't spend that much to have BIL and SD around to ruin it. I know too well how something "you and DH" plan gets turned into a family event, which in turn turns out miserable in the end. IMO I would be blunt and let them all know that NOBODY is invited to go with you. This is your honeymoom/vacation and they are not going. PERIOD. SD needs to get a grip and realize the world does not revolve around her, and BIL just needs to get a life.
To BIL: Well if your stop
To BIL: Well if your stop feeding your fat face for a year and live off your blubber you could walk around like a normal person ON YOUR OWN!
To DH re SD: Honey, If you want your daughter to witness the mind blowing sex I am planning up close and personal then sure, bring her along. But when I want to check out some adult store she will have to wait outside for an hour or so.
Actually all she heard was Disney. And despite their efforts to put Disney as an adult vaction destrination itis still a kid's heaven. Tell her it is a fact finding mission so you can find out the best rides etc.
Hell no! Neither of them
Hell no! Neither of them should be even saying a word about going on the honeymoon !!!!!! Eww. Boundaries boundaries boundaries!!
It is HEALTHY to take one or two Couple only vacations/get a ways trips a year. It's good for the marriage which in turn is good for the whole family!!!!
Our BM did that bs too- she would tell the skids "daddy could have taken you with him, but she's his new family now (meaning me)!!! Or. Well, your Dad could have afforded to have gotten you everything on your birthday list, but he spent it all on her (me again) for that wedding". Shes a bit@h!!
The next time we had the skids after our small weekend trip to Niagra Falls for our 1 yr Anniversary--- SS10 went on and on all weekend about Why we didn't take him along & BM had him convinced that we took my DD8 with us!!!! Nope-- she was with her Dad. But my favorite had to be when SS10 said to me "I'll make sure from now on that Daddy takes me along instead of You next time"!!!!! Lmao kid!!! Im so not intimanated! DH explained that we go on at least one family trip a year, & that him & I will always go on at least one couple only trip a year as well. That's what couples do!!!
I'm so sick of everyone acting like their kids have to go & do everything with then!!!!
Happy Wife- Happy Life (same goes for DHs too)