ErinOnTheEdge's Blog
stupid sm... never learn!
DH deflects so much it is astonishing. I say anything even remotely negative or.critical about SD and he finds a.way to turn it around on me; he will bring up some negative thing about me to make me feel shitty. You know what? I am not a perfect person but that does not mean that nothing I say is right! Remind me aagain why I even try to explain myself. Why do I keep thinking that it is possible for me to give my opinion without being punished if its negative.
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Woken up in the middle of the night
Just a vent... As I said I have pretty much stopped disciplining or criticizing in any way. This morning was different.
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3 months since I've stopped disciplining SD..
I was so upset after the huge blowout that I wrote about in June, I logged off from the site and didn't come back until today. I just didn't want to think about it all anymore, didn't want to be reminded of it.
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A happier story: DH tells BM where to shove it
Things aren't all doom and gloom around here, some things have definitely been getting better. As evidenced by this pick-up drama that happened last week.
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4 years in, finally starting to be ground down.
I remember when I first started reading this site and seeing lots of replies and advice (not just to me, but in general) that pretty much all boiled down to:
1. You're not skid's parent. Don't act like it.
2. Don't engage with BM. Make DH deal with it.
I, like so many other new and/or idealistic SMs had so many reasons why this advice does not and should not apply to me. MY situation is so different! I'm special! My DH is not like that! SD needs me! I'm more like her real mom, I have rights too! La la la!
And now to all that I just say, HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA
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Sometimes SD sees the light :)
DH always maintains that he thinks SD does understand, or that someday she will understand, that her BM is not a good mother, cannot be relied on, does not do things for her, does not have her best interest in mind. BM lies about things all the time, and he thinks SD figures it out. I usually take the more cynical and depressing view that BM is the child's mother and no matter how bad she is, SD is going to see her with rose-colored glasses.
Sometimes though I know she "gets it" about what kind of person her mother is, and how her mom will not come through for her.
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ARGH Send me patience NOW
We are picking up SD early today, by prior arrangement for family events.
So DH texts SD to tell her we will pick her up at 12:30. SD texts back and says "Can you pick me up at [city name] hospital?"
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Quick vent
SD goes to BM's on weekends and whenever we have a special occasion or event DH asks her to have some weekend time. Sometimes they end up "trading" times and sometimes BM just gives up the time. DH of course picks and chooses very carefully how often he is asking for this time, he doesn't ask for everything that comes up... it has to be "special".
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After all the drama BM didn't even go out of town!!!!
OK, so Thursday when we found out BM planned to take SD out of town the weekend before the biggest project of the year, it was terrible. SD stressed, crying, neither me nor DH handling it very well.
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Update to my last blog, so furious about BM taking SD out of town this weekend
First, disclaimer - yeah I posted about the issue here, yeah I like getting feedback, I appreciate people telling me like they see it. It helps me see all sides and work through all of it.
I got lots of comments on my last blog, all good for me to read, some helpful, some less helpful, some very judgmental, gee I wish you could all just step into my life and do it the right way then, since it is so easy for you.