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ErinOnTheEdge's Blog

stupid sm... never learn!

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

DH deflects so much it is astonishing. I say anything even remotely negative or.critical about SD and he finds a.way to turn it around on me; he will bring up some negative thing about me to make me feel shitty. You know what? I am not a perfect person but that does not mean that nothing I say is right! Remind me aagain why I even try to explain myself. Why do I keep thinking that it is possible for me to give my opinion without being punished if its negative.

4 years in, finally starting to be ground down.

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

I remember when I first started reading this site and seeing lots of replies and advice (not just to me, but in general) that pretty much all boiled down to:

1. You're not skid's parent. Don't act like it.
2. Don't engage with BM. Make DH deal with it.

I, like so many other new and/or idealistic SMs had so many reasons why this advice does not and should not apply to me. MY situation is so different! I'm special! My DH is not like that! SD needs me! I'm more like her real mom, I have rights too! La la la!

And now to all that I just say, HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA

Sometimes SD sees the light :)

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

DH always maintains that he thinks SD does understand, or that someday she will understand, that her BM is not a good mother, cannot be relied on, does not do things for her, does not have her best interest in mind. BM lies about things all the time, and he thinks SD figures it out. I usually take the more cynical and depressing view that BM is the child's mother and no matter how bad she is, SD is going to see her with rose-colored glasses.

Sometimes though I know she "gets it" about what kind of person her mother is, and how her mom will not come through for her.

Quick vent

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

SD goes to BM's on weekends and whenever we have a special occasion or event DH asks her to have some weekend time. Sometimes they end up "trading" times and sometimes BM just gives up the time. DH of course picks and chooses very carefully how often he is asking for this time, he doesn't ask for everything that comes up... it has to be "special".

Update to my last blog, so furious about BM taking SD out of town this weekend

ErinOnTheEdge's picture

First, disclaimer - yeah I posted about the issue here, yeah I like getting feedback, I appreciate people telling me like they see it. It helps me see all sides and work through all of it.

I got lots of comments on my last blog, all good for me to read, some helpful, some less helpful, some very judgmental, gee I wish you could all just step into my life and do it the right way then, since it is so easy for you.

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