Broken people always tend to find each other, one way or another. DH and I are both what you would consider "broken" in different ways. And I notice that his children also tend to gravitate towards "broken people" as well.

For instance, SS had a girlfriend for roughly two years. Her mother (much like his own) floated in and out of jail, had a serious alcohol and drug problem, and was generally not around in her life. The girlfriend was pretty much raised by her grandmother. Her father (also a drug addict), died of an overdose when she was young. Her older brother also died. Her little brother was completely raised by her and the grandmother. This was a girl with deep, deep issues. SS acknowledged this and said that one of the first things they bonded over was their relationship (or lack thereof) with their biological mothers. The relationship did not work out - she had severe mental issues that she did not want to address, refused any type of therapy or medication. He now has a new girlfriend that he has bee with for a little over two years. Both of her parents are involved in her life, but they divorced when she was young and this deeply hurt her. She has admitted to me that she constantly wishes they would work things out and get back together - even though they are no longer in love, she still wants to have her parents together. She had to grow up very quickly and became fiercely independent. Her father has had issues with authority - several DUI's, but otherwise he is there for her. I notice a similar trend in my SS always picking girls with situations he can relate to. I don't know if it is just in his sub-conscious, but my husband states that he only is attracted to "broken" girls.

My SD seems to be the same way, but not in relationships - hers is more with her friendships. Her two closest friends both come from broken homes - divorced parents, joint custody, floating back and forth from their houses, parents always trying to "one-up" each other and buy their children's love. Friend #1 is much more broken than the other - I can tell she has extremely low self-esteem. Her mother has severe anger issues and has asked her not to come home on more than one ocassion. She only sees her father on weekends and sometimes after school, but hates spending the night because he does not have a bedroom for her (she sleeps on the couch there). Her father lives with his girlfriend and his mother, who is very nasty to the girl. She likes to make fun of her because she is slightly overweight and, when angry, reminds the girl that she is a "mistake" and her parents never wanted her. The girl feels sad at both homes - there was a point that she was spending nearly every weekend and after school with us. Friend #2 is broken, but she has taken a different approach. Her father is currently spending time in jail for a list of DUI's. He has a different girlfriend nearly every weekend. When she does spend time with him, he will buy her whatever she wants and talks badly of her mother. The mother doesn't seem to know what to do - she is stuck doing all the "un-fun" stuff while her daughter goes with the fun "weekend dad." Friend #1 deals with her issues by staying very quiet and keeping all her feelings inside. Every time I see her, she looks so sad it makes me want to cry. Friend #2 deals with her issues by being very out-spoken and angry. It fascinates me that children from broken homes can have such vastly different reactions to their home lives.

DH's two closest friends are slightly broken. One has severe ADHD and the other has severe depression. He has known them for nearly two decades and they are very dear to him, but a lot to take in.

TBC