Geez Louise

I realize the following is probably just everyday, typical BS in step-hell but it still feels outrageous.

So here is what happened: DH and I were having a chat about how far we've come (nearly 20 years together) and where we are now and so on and so forth, when out of the blue, he tells me that last year OSD28 asked him to spend 4 weeks with her traveling, just the two of them, OVER CHRISTMAS. He said he turned her down, for obvious reasons. The audacity of these SDiablas has no bounds.

I have been practicing listening, observing, staying in my own power without getting emotionally sucked in. I had zero reaction and changed the subject.

I have to get their manipulative BS off my chest so I'm sharing here with you STers.

DH handled the problem correctly, no need for me to get involved. He opens up more about the crap the SD's pull behind my back when I don't react to their stunts.

For a little history, the Christmas before last YSD flew in on CHRISTMAS DAY and DH drove 3 hours to go pick her up and come back. (Side note: YSD called the day before Christmas to demand a special diet. It just so happened by complete happenstance that the meal I had planned fit within demanded diet. But, NO way would I have been able to change the Christmas dinner menu a day before Christmas, even if I wanted to.) I was left home alone making Christmas dinner by myself while DH runs off to the airport. I put my foot down after that. I told him NEVER AGAIN! It was bad enough that BM dumped SD's on us every holiday and school break when they were still kids, we are not allowing SD's to continue the toxic pattern now that they are adults. I am not having every holiday ruined, lonely or stressful due to manufactered drama. I told DH, "SD's impose themselves as the center of attention every Christmas. They try to disrupt our holiday every year, just like BM did. You need to tell them in advance that they can arrive any day other than Christmas or Christmas Eve."

DH acted like I was being over-reactive and that it wasn't a big deal for SD to arrive on X-mas. He said when he was a kid, family dropped everything for anyone on any day. (yeah right) I told him, "You watch and see. They do something to sabotage our holiday together every. single. year. When they pull their stunts, you tell them NO."

I am glad I had that conversation, just as predicted, OSD tried to split us up over the holidays. What an ass. SDiablas tag-team on attempting to drive a wedge between DH and I and ultimately, they try to split us up. It's no wonder they are on my last nerve.

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Well done for holding your

Well done for holding your boundaries and asking DH to hold his. I remember my SDs and definitely their mother making similar demands including once on my birthday, asking that DH pick them up and do stuff with them when they'd just come back off holiday with NPD BM. I got him to refuse but he didn't like it. Carry on handling stuff the way you're handling it, you're doing very well. Personally if someone demanded a special diet the day before Chistmas, I would have told them to eat crackers.

Thanks Kes

The following summer after the Christmas dietary demands YSD26 got a rude awaking that the short-order cook kitchen is closed. I have no problem making dietary accomodations for regular people but SD uses diet as a means to control and to try to set me up to fail. For example, she will announce at dinner that she is vegetarian and then the next day she's chowing down on a hamburger. After I witnessed this type of behavior a couple of times, the gig was up, and I will no longer cater to her.

When SD's were kids I would make dinner for my BK's, SD's and DH. DH insisted that SD's sit at the table with us like civilized humans. SD's would power sulk throughout the meal.

Fast forward to last summer, YSD drops in to stay with us for a week or so. As I am making dinner I can hear her whiny little voice whispering to DH that she doesn't think she can eat what I am preparing. I ignored her, kept calm and carried on. By the end of the week she realized that I did not prepare meals to her specifications, sometimes the meals were to her liking and sometimes not and sometimes I didn't cook at all. I didn't care either way. DH would text her that dinner was ready and she would show up an hour or so later to find that the food had been put away, kitchen cleaned. (She looked steaming mad about it. Lol) At the end of the week she made snotty comment about dinners in front of everyone, DH, my BK's. I called her out right then, right there in front of everyone. I told her that my BK's typically make their own dinners now that they are adults. I do not cook for everyone everyday. That shut her right up.

SD is trying to control

Your life. What she is doing is testing your family and she is winning. Two week vacation with DH. as you sit home.? Calling the last minute...when she has airline tickets weeks before. It's a game.
'You must stop playing this game. SD eats what you make, or she gets her own food. She call on Christmas,,she can call a taxi to get to you

That is what I am trying to

That is what I am trying to do! Lol Stop playing the game. These are 2 different SD's, 2 different incidents. OSD is the one that tried to go on vacation with DH like a true mini-wife. YSD is the one that arrived on Christmas. They rarely show up at the same time anymore so if it's not one causing drama, it's the other. DH would never let the darling have to take a taxi.

You've done well! It's

You've done well! It's interesting how the holidays (and other celebrations) are such triggers for toxic people. We did not experience the intrusion the way you have; we had to seriously brace ourselves for the incoming attacks, drama, and fake crises prior to Thanksgiving, Christmas, our anniversary, BM's birthday (oh, yea), and Father's Day. It was very sad/disconcerting that as Christmas approached every year, DH would say, "I hate Christmas!"

Their behavior was, as in your case, to "pee" on our celebrations--times when we should be happy together--and to PUNISH us while drawing attention to themselves (i.e. on BM's birthday--that was a bizarro one!). So sick!

Stay steady!

Thanks Mia, I know you get it

Thanks Mia, I know you get it. It sounds like you lived it too.

I did previously get a whif that OSD28 was vying to sabotage our holidays because back in November I overheard DH talking to OSD on the phone and gathered that she was asking him to do something with her over the holidays. I decided to stay out of it and continue my disengagement as long as it wasn't impacting me. He never brought it up so I assumed he had nipped whatever bullcrap she had pulled. Fortunately, it turns out he had. I have learned the hard way that it is best to stay out of the manufactured drama unless absolutely necessary. I end up turning into a meat sheild when I state my opinons on how transparently asinine they are behaving.

YSD26 is always very vague and smug about her plans but DH thinks she is going to be coming back into the USA this week. I am half expecting her to show up in our area for awhile. She is pissed at me so I doubt she will try to stay here. (yay) Hopefully she just goes straight back to BM's state where she is a resident.

The scent marking is real with these types of sub humans.

IMHO their scent marking needs to be instantly confronted as embarrassingly as possible for them.

Regardless of what tactic they use to manipulate and leave a scent trail for BioParent to follow.

They do not earn full human status and should not be tolerated.

I get the tendency to give them basic status, be kind, etc... though these types for some reason are incapable of earning it other than in specific very short duration instances.

I always appreciate your

I always appreciate your grounded and practical advice. I can't always go as full-force frontal attack as you suggest but still, it gives me strength to contemplate your approach.

Ambiguous, cunning YSD26 finally got back to DH about what she is doing now. She's hanging out with BM. Great news for me! The more she trots after her cult leader the less I have to see of her.

I get the frustration of a noncommunicative kidult.

Our son is one. Getting him to stay in touch is like pulling teeth. It always has been.

Which makes being informed a challenge as a parent.

My Bio son 20 is like that

My Bio son 20 is like that too but he doesn't do it to be mean like SD does.

SD26 likes to rub DH's nose in that he doesn't know her plans. She can hold it over his head as if he is an absent, deadbeat parent.

Even tho he single handedly send this brat to college and has always been a hands on Dad, doing far more of the day to day parenting than lazy BM.

SD sets him up so that she can knock him down. That is exactly how BM operates, the apple did not fall far.

Like your son, ours is not mean about it.

Manipulation is at it core, mean.

Though kids who do not stay in touch are frustrating. Even if not mean or manipulative. At least it is for my bride and I.

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