I'm a nice BM. I swear.

I don't really know how much you can a person. What you can do, however, is keep up good boundaries. I know that's easier said than done...

It was rough at first - she would cry how she didn't know me but also call me irresponsible - go figure. I finally realized that she had a lot of genuine fears and just had a really fowl way of addressing them. I stay out of a lot of the direct interaction, drop offs, etc...she's created some stability in her life and she is much better now. I still don't initiate a whole lot but if she says anything to me, I am very friendly. I sometimes will ask about SS2's school and behavioral development if I've noticed something but only if I feel BM is open. She is nice and helpful at times but with a 2 year old, I feel she falls short with communicating everything. Still, things are stable and there is a lot less drama now...SS2 is awesome and happy! I'm like you and have hope that things will continue this way. Good Luck!!

SD's BM is a train wreck, so no I can't comment on that, but I am a product of a non-drama filled BM...

My mom stayed out of my dad's business and threatened us with bodily harm if we gave our SM drama or trouble...

My mom and SM never met, but my mom didn't sent or bring drama to the life of my SM at all...

That's how I thought it was supposed to be...silly me... :?

I have 2 BMs to deal with. BM#1 is great while #2 is awful.

#1 has invited me to her 40th BD party, SD's grade school graduation and her house warming.

#2 and I will never get along.

At time I feel i communicate more with the BM than I do BF! At first she was not the best but i think it was just the circumstances.. But now she is engaged and is focused on that more so than what is going on in our house! so all in all it can’t complain!

Could be worse!

BM in my case is never nasty to me but she is a manipulative, lazy person.

They are like the yeti or the Loch Ness Monster. Everyone knows someone who has seen one, but you never get to meet them yourself, and it is only heresay.

Mine is a lazy worthless mother that doesn't deserve the children she does have...Never going to get along with her. My fantasy is someday stepson graduates from HS and I get to punch her in the parking lot after for the pain and drama she has caused. That image gets me through....

I deal with two BM's. BM of SD14 is a POS honestly, but with allot of effort yes I can get along with her. When it is appropriate I have civil conversations and I have in the past done some favors for her. I dont know that she likes or respects me....I think she tolerates me as I do her but we play nice when necessary.

BM of SD6 I am happy to report is wonderful. This BM loves me, she thinks the world of me, and she really respect and appreciates my opinions and thoughts. She seeks me out above her own family (mom or sister) and she and I enjoy chatting, hanging out, talking, and doing mom things with SD together. I feel truly lucky and blessed to have her and I know she feels the same way about me. Our relationship started off bumpy but we both (and our DH's too) really wanted to have a successful extended/blended family. It's been 5 years since I got involved and so far so good. It can happen. (Read "No ones the Bitch" it pretty much encompass what we have done and continue to try to do)

Being both a BM and SM I can only tell you my experience. I was divorced from the ex for 8 years before my kids turned 18(end of CS)He his way over half his income and paid a whopping $90/wk in CS for 2 kids. He was also court ordered to pay 1/2 of uncovered medical expenses(prescriptions, glasses, etc.)within 30 days of my submitting the bill(that I had paid in it's entirety.For all those years he paid them, not his full half but $10 extra a month with the CS. And if it was anything out of the ordinary like our son needing a new pair of glasses, he would have his wife send me a letter asking why he needed new glasses when he just got then 2 years ago,a nd signing the letter Mrs(his name). I never once took him back to court for more money, even though I would have gotten it.He was not paying his part for my daughter's braces, so I called my lawyer, who called his lawyer, he then called me and suggested that I send my month's payment and the ex would make up the amy he owed, next thing I get is a call from the orthodontist...daddykins took my money and never paid anything.He then decided that health ins was too expensive so dropped the kids who were in college and never told them.

I bought cell phones for each of the kids at my expense when they were 10 and 11 because his excuse was that he didn't call them because it was "too painful" to talk to me if I answered the phone. As you can imagine, he never called them, however he chastised them and whined to anyone that would listen because they didn't call him. They did call him. He asked my daughter at 18 yrs old to take her summer between high school and college(when she could have been working)to babysit his daughter, she told him she needed to work for $ for her phone and insurance etc...1st week he gave her $25 for 40 hours of "babysitting" in his 100 degree third floor, smoke filled apt. I told her taht she could take the child here and they could use the pool etc, but he said "no way". After that first week, no money, he told her he would pay her the next, and then the next. Finally she told him that she couldn't do it. He has promised help with school books, nothing. He has promised to call, nothing. My son is 23 and has given up, they no longer speak at all, last time was when they met at ex's Mom's for Christmas and my son went and shook his father's hand and the "father" turned away. My daughter who is 25 has called him for his bday, father's day, he doesn't answer, and her bday just passed with no call from him.

Through all of this, I never said a bad word about him to my kids(until recently, all bets are off now)His wife has talked shit about me constantly, called me the C word to my son(which is the reason he stopped talking to them in the first place)She came to my house every week and dropped off the big check and wanted to come in and tell me all her problems with him. I finally had to tell her that it wasn't happening any more, so I became a "C".

Now, let's talk about the husband's ex. At first she was a bitch and didn't speak to us at any functions etc. They were divorced over 10 years when I came along so I had nothing to do with that. I confronted her and asked whast the problem was, she really had no answer and we've had no problem ever since. We danced together most of the night at SD's wedding, had pics together. We're not best friends but we don't have any problems. The problems in that situation lie with her selfish brat bitch of a daughter.

Anyway, so sorry for the rant, it's been one of those weeks, but the moral of the story is that not all of us BM's are assholes and some of us have tried to be good SM's too but have been shit on too much to continue. Good luck ladies, the stepmom shit is a job I would never sign up for again....

BM and I get along, we talk on facebook, we've gotten into it once but actually she sicked her sister on me instead of talking to me directly. I am very critical of her because she has alienated the skids against their father, so my gripe is that she better be damn perfect otherwise I am going to call her on her shit. She doesn't have much of a personality, she is neglectful to the skids, but I don't think she's lazy or doesn't care I just think she's ignorant and of course she gets defensive if we question things. She doesn't ask for anything which is kind of a problem because then we find out later the skids went without this or that, We have had meals together with all the kids together and stuff and it's never been bad, my bd's make her gifts when she comes to pick up skids and she is sweet to them. She had a BF that we liked but he left and now we are just hoping she'll find someone to stabilize her cause she's wacky when she is single.

-Kind
-Secure in her relationship with her children
-Control issues she has only apply to her own house/rules; she understands that in XH's house he abides by his own rules based on what he deems best for the children
-Truly grateful for her relationship with XH and that they both put kids first
-Is able to tell DS and DD genuine, loving things about their father

These phrases describe me! I am so happy for the girl who marries XH.

Our BM, on the other hand, is loathsome- a vile, disgusting, beastly pig of a woman who hates DH and me farfarfarfarfarfar more than she loves her children.