In our case once DH came to his senses the enablers all have fought tooth and nail to undermine him and have things go back to the status quo for their own selfish reasons. 

Idk if society will fix them, I've seen plenty of messed up adults still enabled by people around them. And if someone refuses to, they go find someone who will.

Some are not clueless - they simply don't give a flying fart in space about anyone other than themselves. And the children pay the price.

I feel this, I tried so hard to tell my DH what he was doing was a detriment to Spawn and her future, but he refused to listen. After the damage was done and Spawn turned out to be well just that a Spawn, DH sheepishly told me he should have listened, but it was his PRIDE that kept him from believing me...whatevs!

Yup..so true! At first I couldn't wait to get the lil jerk outta here! Then I realized oh fuck!!! At this rate with all the enablers contributing to their actions.....HE Never Gonna Leave!!! And hopefully society will tolerate their shit! Because I cant!

I'm done helping and tired of those who think they are!!! 

I often wonder if BM is really clueless or if she's just trying to keep SSs dependent upon her. DH has a tendency to either enable or alienate Skids. He either lets everything slide or goes after them hard, which leads them to seek refuge with BM who then tells DH he's a terrible parent. In all honesty, he doesn't go after them that hard, but they lack so much resilience that any correction is seen as criticism that results in tears. They are teens as well, so there shouldn't be any tears when your dad tells you that he expects you to be responsible for your own things or to work harder. 

There are so many things that we avoid when it comes to SSs lives because BM makes it so difficult. For example, we don't ask about school, because BM always turns into a screeching banshee accusing DH of "always criticizing" and "punishing" his kids because he expects them to work harder in school. Or she accuses DH of "disrupting her time" with SKids when DH will reach out to them during the week to talk about school work or to tell them he is not happy about receiving messages from school about Skids misbehaving. 

DH's family totally enables by telling him that he doesn't respect BM enough and is "at war" with her. Neither of which are true, DH is a marshmallow (i.e. he's not confrontational at all) and he should be able to express his opinion on his children, not just bow to BM. I know he gets frustrated because he wishes Skids were tougher and more driven. He repeatedly tells me "they are regressing". However, he doesn't know how to approach them in a way that will allow him to influence them even though we only see them four days a month. 

MIL also enables SSs' "learned helplessness" by viewing them either as her "precious grandbabies" (who are now teens and shouldn't be babied) or as "poor children of divorce" who just can't help themselves. 

I do know that I do not want to be around when SSs finish school, because they are definitely going to "fail to launch" and then BM and everyone else will likely try to blame DH, because in BM's mind, she's the blameless, sainted, "single" mother. 

and that tradition of ignoring issues was passed down to his children. No standards, no boundaries, expectations, or consequences. DH lucked into a job that encouraged furthering his education, but he was a boy and his father was aaallll about spoiling his daughters. Neither daughter ever pursued education, a career, or self sufficiency, but they also learned to enable.

I don't think society can fix these kids. There's simply too many. Instead, it's crumbling under the weight of their entitlement and maladaptive behaviors.