At the point, the dog and the boy can't live in the same home.  The boy will continue to aggravate the dog and the dog will continue to do what dogs do.

If moving out  (not ending the relationship, just living separately)isn't an option, then one of them has to go.  The kid isn't going anywhere.

Imagine for a moment that SS is 3 years old.  He could not be expected to never bother the dog.  As adults, you would be responsible for making sure the dog and child are never unsupervised and even under supervision if they are close to one another, you must be right there next to them.

i have no idea about your Ss’s abilities, but It sounds like he has problems with impulse control.  As adults, you must be sure he is never near this dog.  If the dog does more than nip him you may face serious moral and legal consequences.  The dog may also face serious consequences.  

This situation can’t continue.  You either need a solid plan to keep them separated or the dog needs to live elsewhere.

Board your dog while you're gone.

When you come home, you need to make a decision. Are you willing to give up your furbaby? If she bites SS, there is a risk she will be put down.

1. Build a separate area for her to which SS has absolutely NO access. And I do mean NO access. None, zilch, zero, nada. As fas as SS is concerned, your furbaby has disappeared.
2. Find her a home.
3. Find a home for you and your furbaby and continue to date your FDH.

{{{HUGS}}}

Board your dog while you are away!  It will prevent anything horrible happening while you are away.

I get it.  I don’t have kids, and my dogs, cats and chickens are so important to me.  I would move out rather than risk any of my pets taking action against an out of control kid.

This kid isn’t going away.  If something happens to your dog (kid or DH seriously hurts the poor thing?  Gives the dog away while you are away?), that could end your marriage too.

I hope only the best for you and your pup!

This has disaster written all over it. I feel sorry for your poor dog. But if something happens, the dog will pay, not the dad or the kid.

Your dog is telling you she's about had it with the kid. She may never do more than nip, and eventually nipping might teach the kid about teasing animals. But you don't know she won't rip his face off, so you better do something fairly drastic now.

How would you feel about muzzling the dog? It sucks, but the options are not great since society frowns on muzzling kids for whatever reason.

Is the house so small that the kid and dog are always near one another? Maybe it's time to look for new accommodations. 

Is the nanny mindful that the kid MUST NOT be near the dog? The nanny needs to step it up -- if the dog is inside, the kid is outside. If the dog is in the room, she takes the kid to another room. Maybe the nanny could take the kid to a day program somewhere so there's time for the dog to rela without this harassing kid. The rest of the time, the dog might have to be locked away because, again, society frowns on locking kids away.

Your BF is right -- he can't control this kid's behavior. What do you expect him to do with the kid who is punished but doesn't learn? Even BM is on board and you still can't keep this from happening!

I'd hate to see this turn out bad for your dog. I know you JUST moved in, but maybe this isn't the time to live together. It's no one's fault -- you didn't foresee this issue with his kid. If the kid were normal and allergic to the dog, you'd be in the same boat.

If you want to safely keep your dog without drastically altering her daily life with a muzzle or being shut away in another room, maybe reconsider living together for now. Sadly, our dogs don't last long. You could try it again in the future when you don't have your girl.

There is one more option, now that I think about it. You could talk to a dog trainer. It will cost a bundle to get one who really knows their stuff, and there's still no guarantee the worst won't happen. But it could give you some pointers on how to address your dog's needs so she's less likely to be scared and bite out of fear. Maybe you could train the dog not to fear the annoying kid or, as your BF said, to get up and walk away from the little gnat. I've never heard of that sort of training before, but maybe it's out there. Maybe take your dog through a service animal course, which teaches them to not fear situations that dogs typically fear. Maybe even try to get the dog to respect the kid and vice versa (I don't hold out much hope for humans, though.) If the kid is able to be trained at all, maybe letting him take the dog through the service course would teach them both (or at least the dog) that the kid is an authority figure to her so she will be less likely to bite. I don't know if SS is capable of that, but it's a thought.

The thing is, your dog probably wouldn't be a candidate for service because she fear bites. But that doesn't mean that the training wouldn't ease the situation and teach the dog that the kid is to be obeyed. Yea, I know, it's like letting the patients run the asylum...but you just need to fix this so it's good for your dog. If it means the kid takes on an authority role to the dog, it's better than the alternative.

DH has to control his son.  Auttistic is not a excuse for this kid actions, it’s your DH job to take care of his kid and not let him run a mock 

Dog v. Kid.... kid wins. 

I would not want to give up my dog, but since you don't want to leave I like the idea of building a separate area where allpets can escape. Forget an alarm that sounds off,  SS will find a way around the alarm. Make SO pay for it all, since his kid is the reason for construction.

Really though, it might be best to find your dog a new home. As it stands the poor thing is being set up for disaster. Good luck!

She has been telling you in an escalating fashion that SS is annoying her. She started with trying to avoid him, moved on to growling and is now nipping. This is not going to stop, and I don't think any amount of training (of the dog) is going to help. She is going to move on to actually biting and breaking the skin sooner or later. A dog can do a great deal of damage and it is not pretty.

If SS gets bitten and needs medical care, animal control is going to become involved. Even if she is up on her shots, she will be quarantined in some way - at home or in a kennel for 10 days. You might be issued a ticket for "vicious" or "dangerous" dog. It is doubtful she would be seized or put down for a first offense, but it is possible. BM sounds cool about it now, but she could change her tune if there is blood.

The dog needs to be separated from the kid on a permanent basis.

Kennel her inside w/a locking door and only let her out when kid is gone or you are there or put her in the garage (with the door locked) instead of the kennel. Maybe a doggie door to an outside kennel.

Put her in a bedroom w/a lock that needs a key. Do you have a room you could put her in and then add a dog door and a fenced kennel outside?

I'd keep at least the cat, if not the other dog, away from him too. I would also worry that SS may at some point move from "teasing" to "hurting." This is not fair to your dog and you need to do what it takes to make sure it never happens again.

Tough situation. I would board him while you're gone so that you're not worrying about this.

I can't provide any better ideas than others have. But keeping them enitrely separated IS possible. This isn't the same situation at all, but the logistics might be similar. When DH and I moved in together, he had two dogs and I had two dogs, and then my daughter moved back in temporarily with one more dog. One of my dogs and one of his dogs did NOT get along -- all the others were fine in any combination of the pack. We had to keep the two dogs separate. Lots of inside and outside gyrations,but we got it into a habit and it was completely workable.  

In my day, my parents would say "see what you get for annoying the dog/cat?"  Would not show any sympathy for us.  I'm sorry I don't but into this stuff that every other kid is "autistic" or "spectrum" or "ODD."  He should have been spanked or have HIS hair tugged on to see how it feels and perhaps develop an iota of empathy.  This sounds like a selfish feral who had never been parented or told "NO!" with immediate consequences. 

My skids were animal torturers and would pull fur, tails, shove and kick my furbabies.  In fact, SD shot my older cat in the backside with a BB gun--and yeah they are supposedly learning disabled.   If they were my bios, I would have corrected it in toddlerhood by tanning their hides.

So, if I’m reading this correctly, SS terrorizes the puggle as well? Surely he must be, or he’s making a conscious decision to only terrorize the animals you brought into the relationship. How is that working out for the puggle? 

I don’t know. This dog is your “child.” I’d be struggling with my FDH’s comments so much that it would have me questioning a lot of other things, too. 

In the meantime, I’d board my dog while out of town. It’s not worth the risk, and this poor dog is being set-up to fail. With potential serious consequences, sadly. 

I have a 3 and a 4 year old - and a 1 year old cat that freaking loves them. I’ve put the fear in my children to show nothing but kindess and love to her, though, because she’s so tolerant of their fast moving and loud ways. I just cannot imagine having to possibly  get rid of a pet. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. 

I would still put a lock on the door and give the key to the Nanny so she can wear it around her neck. Or install a lock with a code.

In this case I would have to give the kid some leeway. I wouldn’t like how he treats my dog either but if he doesn’t have the ability to understand social cues then there’s not much you can do.

Has anyone sat down and talked about how animals should be treated?  I'm no expert for children with austism and obviously don't know anything about your SS, but maybe get him a stuffed animal-like a FurReal pet-and show him how to actually pet them and treat them nicely and he would be able to take care of it.  Or maybe you could possibly find a video or a book that might explain it a little better.   I see he is being punished for treating her badly, but maybe he doesnt understand how he should be treating them.   Is there a way to work out a reward system if he leaves the dog alone? Like if you have the dog out for small increments of time and then gradually increase it. 

I sure don't get the "get rid of your fur babies". When I adopt a dog/cat, it's for the life of that dog/cat. Do you shuffle your kids off when they get pissy and growl?? Jeesh.