It seems I'm the scapegoat
So a quick update to "white trashville" which is how my ex-fiance called the drunken showdown on Saturday night (see previous blog.) He has completely disowned his friend, and his daughter is no longer staying with him. (She is likely punishing him.) I have not heard from him since last Saturday because I am being punished in return. Apparently this is all my fault. "The scars run deep with his daughter." Wow. You would think I completely shunned her and treated her horribly. I did not. I was always kind to her. I could write a list of the things I have done for her to go above and beyond. I was always giving and kind. Her mental instability did make me keep her at arm's length around my daughter though.
Plus he seems to have forgotten that he was the one to have her live with her mom full-time before he and I ever bought a house together. One of my earlier blogs explains this but basically his YD wrote a letter to the school counselor outlining horrendous abuse by both her dad and mom, apparently being beaten with metal pipes and such in both homes. The school counselor knew that this was bullshit because of her prior behavior, but as a mandatory school reporter, he still had to call CPS. My point being: it was my ex-fiance's decision to move her out. When we bought the house together, the agreement was that once she was stable, we could revisit the arrangement. She never got stable. He wanted my input, so I was the one who suggested the mental health evaluation to work toward some sort of stability. I could go on and on. Bottom line is he seems to have forgotten all of this. So his YD who has been diagnosed with bi-polar and borderline among other things is running the show now. I have become the scapegoat. Isn't this convenient for them?
Two weeks ago, this man was professing his love for me, wanting to move forward and start fresh, etc. Now he's ghosted me for almost a week because that solidifies that I am the problem, right? Fits his story so he doesn't have to take any blame. Wth?
On a better note, I met with a mortgage broker with a follow-up with my financial advisor. I am too old and too peaceful for this crap. I need to get off of the drama merry-go-round!
- dandelion wishes's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Great news!
Although with these rates...i was kinda hoping you would be able to keep the house...
Oh, I AM keeping the house!
Oh, I AM keeping the house! I may have to go from a 3% interest rate to a 7.5% interest rate, but I AM keeping the house. I will not uproot my daughter because he decided to leave on Christmas day. This is going to cost me a boatload of money, and it will be stressful financially but only in the short-term. I think he thinks he can come back as he has not removed anything from my house (notice how I didn't say "our" house? Yay me!) He only has what he took on Christmas day...which is what fit in a duffel bag: clothes and his Xbox.
In our state, the house in
In our state, the house in your case would be considered a mutual property and he would legally be able to come back to it whenever he pleases. There should be a divorce and a court order.
Why are you still in contact with him, filled up with the drama between him/daughter/friend? Why are you still going out on dates with him? You just can't move on if you keep doing all that. Go absolutely no contact, get a lawyer and end this BS.
We aren't married. We were
We aren't married. We were engaged, but I held off marrying him until his YD turned 18. He left 3 months before she turned 18 so we never got that far. My stalling on marriage was a huge point of contention for him. He didn't understand why I wanted to wait and argued with me a lot about it.
Yes, in our state it would also be considered mutual property. Although we are not married, our names are both on the mortgage, but he doesn't want the house. So I will need to refinance.
I went on dates with him because I love him, and foolishly thought we were going to start over. This has been incredibly painful. I am in no contact now and I do have an attorney so I am on the right track.
Good to hear your path forward is secure without any of them.
Now, engage that path. Immediately.
Zero contact, leave them to rot in their shallow and polluted disfunctional gene pool.
Enjoy your new life adventure.
Thank you Rags!
Thank you Rags! Yes, there will be no contact from me altough I suspect I will get some drunken texts from him in the near future. Regardelss, zero contact from me. I will not pretend this isn't hard though - damn, this is painful! If you have any words of wisdom to get beyond this pain, I am all ears.
Block him.
Do not allow any access other than what you absolutely control. Do not risk serving yourself up as a sacrifice on the alter to their failed family toxicity.
Write them all off.
Commit to yourself that they are done and you are moving on with life for you and your own child.
Take care of you.
Please don't be the scapegoat
I have had 20+ yrs of being the scapegoat - I am just over 10 yrs older than you - and at my age this is the last thing I want. I'd thought things were improving then I had a number of verbally abusive and insulting messages from my SD28 last year, so I have decided to go no contact. DH now sees her away from our home.
Your ex-fiance sounds very unstable himself, and is obviously a big part of the problem. Please put your own peace first.
Yes, Kes, you are right - he
Yes, Kes, you are right - he is unstable. So you thought things were improving, then you received verbally abusive and insulting messages from your SD who is an ADULT? Wth? How does your DH respond to this? I thought once SKs were adults, there wouldn't be this issue, but I am starting to think it actually gets worse. ???
You are nobody's scapegoat -
You are nobody's scapegoat - you are planning your exit. Please don't think you are because you choose not to be, right?
His daughter has real mental problems and he isn't helping her any. Her mental health issues are what are causing her to spout all her nonsense. What is he doing about it? Is she on meds? If not, why not? Bipolar is not to be sneezed at, it's a very real problem but it can be treated.
He is allowing someone who is not psychologically stable to rule the roost. He thinks he's taking the easy way out but he isn't - he's just kicking the problem further down the street and while doing so he needs to find a person to blame. Guess who's the easiest person to blame for everything that goes wrong in his life? He apparently thinks he can keep on using you as a verbal punching bag and expects you to keep coming back for more. Don't.
So he's ghosted you for a week so far. Shock him by blocking him on all social media plus phones and any email addresses he might have. He thinks he's in charge? Pffft. No, you are in charge of your life and the people you allow into it.
I am NOT his scapegoat. His
I am NOT his scapegoat. His daughters" (plural) mental issues exist whether I am in the picture or not. I am the one who got his YD diagnosed and on a great plan inlcuding Rxs which has since been abandoned. She is a mess and he is enabling all of it. I think she has regressed since living with him for the last 6 months. I believe he knows this on a deeper level, but cannot face it because it reflects poorly on him in his eyes.
Yes, he has ghosted me for a week. I suspect this is temporary. I am not on any social media (FB, etc) so that won't be an issue.
Good for you!
Good for you!
If he never comes to collect his gear and the time comes for you to want to get rid of it, put it all in storage,pay for ONE month, and give him what he needs (key, code,etc ) to retrieve his belongings. After that, it's up to him .
This is a great idea
This is a great idea regarding storage! Thnak you!