So that is the issue.

Came home today and found dining table a mess with breakfast dishes and food still all over. The kitchen was equally bad with DPs breakfast stuff all over counter and on coffee table. SD11 has been making her lunches but cleaning up is another issue. Her lunch mess took up the rest of the other counter and part of stove. Stool was in middle of kitchen.

So I left it ALL. I made dinner around everything. DP comes home lamenting his hard day (made by his own sweet but unfocused self). After he calmed down he mentioned something about the kitchen.

Me: yes. You have to be sure SD11 cleans up. She's doing well but making lunch also involves clean up.
DP: so are you saying it's my fault?
Me: yes. You need to teach her how to clean up.
DP: but but but
Me: she's not just going to magically know how she needs to be taught. When you were gone she had no problem cleaning up with my direction.
DP: well you know we are pressed for time in the mornings!
Me: and there is a way to solve that too. You know that.
DP: well how am I going to make sure she cleans up if I'm running around late to leave.
Me: you get up earlier and get going
DP: reverts to poor me hard day...
Me: we both need to help her learn because I am not going to clean up messes all the time and I may just start piling up the stuff and walking away from it.
DP: well I don't like to be blamed for it
Blah blah

So I said my piece loud and clear and no more cleaning up.