Back from Vaca
Went with DH and SD12 for almost a week. DH did invite SD14 (with my ok and agreement on how to handle it if she did go), but he received no answer from her.
Was a really good time. SD12 is light years more genuine and fun than her sister. Was willing to explore, go places DH and I preferred a couple times with little to no complaint. She got to choose a couple activities as well. Food was a bit of a problem (she dislikes seafood and we were in a seafood loving town) but it was ok to work around.
DH did decide to go to a city further on to bring her to meet up with BM. It was a much longer detour than I expected and was not happy with it. DH picked up the cost of the detour but chose a hotel in yet another city that just took too long to get to. He did regret it though and apologized. He's also doing his guilt thing of thinking he hasn't spent enough time with her but lord help me if I point out he needs to plan stuff then.
Things learned ...
SD14 is still seeing the therapist for individual therapy, BM just let DH know. This is fine.
DH agreed he has to TEACH SD12 certain skills as kids don't have innate adult knowledge as they grow older (duh) but then we get home and he has a gift cert and I suggest he use it for SDs school clothing and he says yep, he'll just give it to her to use...um no DH. Maybe sit down with her and teach her to budget what she needs. Then he walks away irritated I suggested same 'teaching experience' he wanted to do more of...so we're back home to same old story and disengagement. I'm going to get out the clothes she needs for school (from storage) and make sure she has underwear but that's it.
Aaaaaand after a talk with SD12 about bra wearing requirements she wore one with NO prompting the entire trip! Success! She likes the ones I got her.
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Comments
I'm not sure too many father
I'm not sure too many father's would be deemed great back to school planners and shoppers. Maybe it's just my household (lol) that clothing just is something that magically materializes and Daddy gets the bill?
At twelve, I suppose your SD is still doing some actual growing. My girls kind of stopped changing much come 8th grade. My youngest daughter (now 18 and graduated HS this last May) can still pull out her favorite faded comfy denim shorts from 8th grade and wear them. She's doing college starting this week and I didn't pay much attention to what all she picked up , but besides some ridiculous plaid converse shoes, some new cami/tanks and several bra/panties sets and of course, socks (which she doesn't need, the girl has two feet an a gazillion pairs of socks) , the majority of items purchased came from the cosmetic store and bath and body works
Other than these few things , shopping for DD is all year round. She picks something new up now and then , but we don't do the standard one or two big shopping trips I read about here (spring and fall). We haven't for quite a few years. Anyway, while DH certainly played a role in teaching her value of money and how to make it stretch, he'd be clueless on actually clothing or personal needs (wants?!?) shopping.
Perhaps a grocery budget an making up a grocery list might be something Dad and your SD could do. It would be a weekly (or however often SD is in your home) and a year round teaching moment. The allowed budget, planning the menu and then making the grocery store list. It would also give them that one on one time together. But then again, my DD and DH at the store together can sometimes be pretty comical.
Yes, SD12 is a late bloomer
Yes, SD12 is a late bloomer and still growing . I told DH I'll pick up socks and underwear for her, get out the good clothes SD14 outgrew and I think SD12 will like, but that he is to get a few other things. BM has been getting more clothing for them the last year or two after I stopped.
I think SD12 could do some choosing on her own, with some guidance at this point, but getting DH to work with her is very difficult. I just had a long talk with him last night about getting her into the advanced math class (she needs it) and he was just not wanting to do it, or going off into excuse land. I brought him back, but it was the classic ''it's soooo hard" Disney Dad whining it was stupid.