Interesting lesson learned... related to anger, hurt
Some of you may have seen my recently (deleted) posts...
Let's just say I'm hurt... and because I'm hurt.. I'm angry. And because I'm angry I'm lashing out with words that are not like me and actions that are not like me... and taking up time and space in my head... when it shouldn't be.
And all over relationships that have been short-lived and not in real life... but online.
While I am sad... I just would like to maybe point out to others that when BM is being a complete idiot, there's more than 1 possibility.
1. She's an idiot.
2. She's hurt and she's acting like an idiot because she is so not herself.. so out of control of how to make herself feel better, she lashes out. She just wants release...
And it doesn't just apply to BM.. It applies to us and the way we treat our husbands when we see them giving in yet again to SD or to BM. When they would rather just say "f#ck it" than fight. So we lose it a bit...
If anyone saw my words before they were deleted, if you knew me, you would know it's NOT me.... and yet... it is me.
Just something to think about...
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Comments
Like I said before... I still
Like I said before... I still think you're pretty great.
You have a big heart, you have faith and expectations... and sometimes you are let down.
I'm sorry you're hurt.
I'm sorry you're angry.
I'm sorry you're sad.
I'm never sorry that I'm your friend.
I still love you to pieces... even when you are all of these things and in a weak moment you purged your frustration.
Colorado Girl, I just wanted
Colorado Girl, I just wanted to say... That was beautiful!
I agree with Nemo.. Really
I agree with Nemo.. Really well said.
This is exactly like me, I do
This is exactly like me, I do the same things. I always look back and say "was that ME??" This actually happened just yesterday.
You bring up some good things to think about.. I guess we can all have our moments, huh? Its because we're all damaged in one way or another, I suppose..
Thanks for your post, I've been beating myself up over this very thing and it was good to read and not feel so alone.. Or crazy..
I definitely feel crazy!!!
I definitely feel crazy!!! My darling husband came home tonight and surprised me... they let him come home a week early... and I was so thrown off.... I was worried that he had gotten hurt at work and they sent him home.. or got fired ... and then this ... and I was like ... WTF??? I was shaking with confusion!!
He's sleeping now - he's exhausted. But it just really made me realize how I my confusion and hurt and anger turned into something....
I definitely do feel damaged more some days than others! ha!! Although... a little body work wouldn't hurt me, I gotta say!
I know where you're coming
I know where you're coming from..
Sometimes everything just builds up and it all comes out at once. I for one am stubborn though, and I never want to turn around and let my guard down once I'm in the moment. My darn pride gets in the way...
That's my weakness LelaDawn.
That's my weakness LelaDawn. I try to make up or at least smooth things over.. make the peace. And I can say that often it just gets worse...
No idea what this about and
No idea what this about and don't want to know what started it. The reason I don't want to know is because it doesn't matter to me. None of us are perfect. None of us can be all the time. It must be exhausting to be that all the time, and I, for one, don't like to be exhausted.
The question becomes do we all have enough respect for ourselves and each other to treat each other with the respect we all deserve? And, in those moments that we slip, do we have the maturity and respect for each other to forgive and move on? I take this approach. If I wouldn't want my mom to hear me say something the way I'm saying it, I try not to. I'm not sorry I'm your friend either.
yeah Ana, your right, you
yeah Ana, your right, you dont want to know. For me, the problem is that the offending party never has enough respect for others to say "i'm sorry". Sometimes, it goes a looooooong way!
Interesting thing about my
Interesting thing about my time with exFH. I learned about forgiveness of those who ask for it and of those who don't. If I hadn't, dealing with exBM would have made me a crazy person because she was never sorry for what she did. I don't expect anyone to be sorry for their children, but she could have been sorry for the hurt she caused. If I hadn't forgiven that, I'd be a crazy lady. Well, crazier than I am. It took some practice, but now, I find I use it well in my job.
And, with my sister. There's a decent book about it, actually.
funny, as Stick said, it's
funny, as Stick said, it's not who I am, but I think when you are pushed to the ultimate max, you snap, ya know?
I am such a forgiving person, that often people tell me I'm crazy for forgiving that person, etc. I've even forgiven the man who raped me. I had done it long before he even asked for forgiveness, so it was no big deal when he asked, though I was shocked he did. Even he apologized. I know some people will NEVER accept the things they do as wrong, or even that they've done wrong, but someday, karma will come their way..... I do have a great book about it as well...
I hear you Stick. There are
I hear you Stick.
There are so many things that we take out on our loved ones that most of the time they never deserve. I know Dani never deserved alot of the things I said to her out of anger even though I was always sorry after I said them.
Sometimes when we are that angry it's so hard to think before we talk or type we just see RED, especially when most of us think of BM.
KGB
(Formally known as Dani, RIP Baby Girl)
I wondered why it always
I wondered why it always looked like you were "on"...heheheeh but really we all know you are "off" heheheh
I hearya girl!
I hearya girl!
Aw Stick... big hugs to
Aw Stick... big hugs to you.
I obviously missed your posts, but wanted to tell you to not be so hard on yourself.
We're all human, and we all have our less than shining moments. It happens. At least you have the courtesy to call yourself on whatever happened and make amends. That goes an incredibly long way. Hugs to you!
Thank you so much ladies (and
Thank you so much ladies (and KGB)!!
You know... the worst part about all of it is that just like with the BM / DH / Stepparent analogy... it all started out of misunderstanding (supposed) hurt anger and fear and escalated into things being said in hurt / anger and things being taken the wrong way because everyone is on such high alert and all about "sticking together" and "being a team".
Supporting our husbands does not mean we always have to always take his side against BM. Sometimes we actually serve the relationship better by giving the other side (as a woman, as a mom).
Supporting our friends does not always mean we have to jump to avenge anything said that could be construed as remotely negative. Sometimes it's not negative at all. Sometimes it's just the truth... Not good not bad... just the truth.
This past weekend was SD's prom. At the school, BM jumped in a prom picture with SD and her date. And she was like "Oh Wait!! I have my glasses on!!"... And my first instinct was... "Who's prom is this anyway?? Get out of the picture!"...
But then I realized... 2 days later ... that BM's sisters were at the school, and not at the house where SD was getting all of her friend pictures taken, not at our house where she got ready. So the only way her sisters could get that photo (without getting them from someone else) was for BM to jump in there at that time.
A misunderstanding and annoyance that could have turned into more anger and a WTF / Who The Hell Are You occurrence....
It just took me 2 days after the incident to get it....
I'm glad ST is up and that everyone is back. The best thing about this site is that is it easy to stalk, accessible and you will always find someone to give you some support!
Good night dear friends!
As usual, I missed the whole
As usual, I missed the whole thing...hope it wasn't something I said that upset u...
No honey, it wasn't you!
No honey, it wasn't you!
And it's no one now... I am over it! My hubby is home and things are great!
I missed it too. But Stick, I
I missed it too. But Stick, I will always be your friend, even if I have to talk you down it's ok. I have a HUGE threshold for what is important right now, so I don't tend to get pulled in. My life's circumstances have brought me to a new level of what matters most. It's not the things we say in anger, it's the things we say in love that are important.
Hugs to you.
Z
It's not the things we say in
It's not the things we say in anger, it's the things we say in love that are important.
Oh, I love, love that.