In need of a Second Pair of Ears
So my hubby had his son (my SS) over the weekend. He comes every other weekend. On Sunday, my husband took him home, and on Monday around 3 pm, my SS calls my husband asking if he could come back over for the week. Hubby called me after his conversation with his son, and asked me would it be ok. So my questions, to my husband was 1) why didn't he tell you that he wanted to stay on Sunday, before you drove him home? 2)Where's his mother? and 3)How long will he be staying? Hubby was a bit upset that I had so many questions, but with his son, who is 14 staying the entire week, that means I have to go buy more groceries, because his son can eat. Do you all think it was wrong for me asking and if my SS mother put him up to it? IJS...Thanks
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Not at all. Your house too.
Not at all. Your house too. You get to decide who sleeps there.
Hmmm definitely sounds like
Hmmm definitely sounds like Mom went away and needs you guys to babysit. What did he reply to your questions?
My thoughts exactly. When I
My thoughts exactly. When I asked him why didn't he tell you on Sunday he wanted to stay before you took him home, he said because this is his only free week before football practice starts next week and he's just at home doing nothing. Didn't he know that before he left? Then I asked, where is his mother? He said, she's working, well the two of us are too! Then he said he would be staying until Saturday....I really believe his mother put him up to this, I just don't understand why my husband can't see right through her!
Because Cookie...At the end
Because Cookie...At the end of the day I fully believe that these men really think that what they are doing is just for the kids. And it's a very noble thought, however, 9 times outta 10, the moms are ripping the dads apart at home and all the good deeds go unnoticed anyway. Please...I've been with my Dh 11 years this month. He STILL can't see right thru his Ex Bitch.
Unfreakingreal, you're most
Unfreakingreal, you're most definitely righ! However, men have to realize that their ex's will try to pull anything! To be honest with you, I can only deal with my SS on a every other weekend basis. Hell, when I get home from work during the week, sometimes I don't even want to be bothered with my two, but I have too! If his mother had plans or what have you, she should've had her babysitting in order and not depend on hubby!
This "doing it for the kids"
This "doing it for the kids" farce is really starting to eat at me as well. How can otherwise reasonably intelligent people just not see through what is going on? Are they that dense? Or wait...we're all typing here so none of knows for sure that our voices actually work...maybe our lips move, we think we are talking, but in reality NO ONE CAN HEAR US. That would explain a lot of Biodad and skid behavior.
And no, Cookie, you were not wrong to ask these questions. After I was caught in the living room with no pants on one morning (had just gotten out of bed so just a t-shirt/underwear)when SO unexpectedly brought SD over we had a talk about the courtesy of discussing with each other before we bring other humans into the house. He was like "big deal, you're both girls" and I had to explain that that was not the point. It was about being considerate. And another household's intrusion into your own (ie BM's who use extra visitation as babysitting and biodad's who are doing it "for the kids")is not considerate, with or without pants.
Mama_Althea, I can totally
Mama_Althea, I can totally relate. For the love of Jesus, I don't know why my husband can't see right through her! It eats me alive, but then I'm the bad person, because it seems like I don't want him there, and that is not the case, but it's going to be on our time and not hers. Hell, she already gets a break every other weekend and I have our children around the clock, so if anybody needs a freakin break, it's me & hubby!
No i do no se anything wrong
No i do no se anything wrong with asking those questions..And trust me I do know about when the ss's come over they raid the kitchen at 8 & 9 years old! They open the food pantry and the icebox, freezer and just stand there to see what they can ask for.....They are not even hungry, just want to eat anything...
Do you and your DH both work FT? if so i dont see why he needs to be there...Do you have any other kids at home? If so I would tell DH "Look, it's already hard enough around her with '?' kids" I dont need any more right now unless he will pull his own weight sometime and not expexct to be served like a prince and help out around the house. He is part of this family, so he will have chores and responsibilities too! This is just not his little "getaway" spot
This is funny. SD10 opens the
This is funny. SD10 opens the fridge and just stares at it. Sometimes she even swings herself from the doors which when I caught her I almost ripped her face off. I've gone as far as telling her "that's the 3rd time in 10 minutes you opened the fridge, if you didn't find it 10 minutes ago, it isn't gonna magically sprout up so take what you need and close the doors."
Yes, my husband & I both work
Yes, my husband & I both work FT. Yes, I have two other children that lives at home. However, when I buy groceries, I buy groceries for a family of four and a little extra on my SS weekend, therefore, more groceries would have to be bought and there was no mention of that from hubby who was going to be responsible for buying extra food for the week. I can see if it was in the visitation order that said, hubby gets him for a week or so over the summer, whereas we would plan accordingly for his stay.
See I have issues like this
See I have issues like this with my DH all the time. BM wants to dump SD10 on us whenever she needs free babysitting and I refuse. It's NOT the kid that I mind. It's the simple fact that I feel like BM is sitting in her house blowing smoke from her Newports laughing at the fact that I'm stuck at home taking care of HER kid. THAT is what pisses me off. Not so much the kid. Although, I have learned how to leave the food shopping for precisely the weekend when SD is NOT at our house so by the time her weekend rolls around there isn't much left for her to devour.
Aside from the food issues
Aside from the food issues (14 yo eat a lot, I have one) and the obvious common courtest of letting someone know that you'll have an extra child in the house, there is a control issue.
You know, "mom, I'll be at dad's house". "Dad, I'll be at mom's house". If parents don't ask questions a teenager could easily play one parent against the other and have lots of freedom. My kid tries it now and then. I insist on knowing where he is regardless of whose parenting time it is for that reason.
Princess Fiona, 14 yr olds
Princess Fiona, 14 yr olds most definitely eat a lot, as their still growing. That is not my issue. My issue is planning. For example, he knew along with his mother that he starts football practice the w/o the 8th. A decent parent would have asked in advance, let's say in early to mid July if he could stay for a week, as he nor she know what we had planned, hell we could've had a scheduled vacation. That's the problem I'm having. I have sneaky lying people!
I think your hubby sounds
I think your hubby sounds like my DH.... they don't want you to ask any questions, but they expect you to know everything... My DH would have reacted badly to those questions too, even though all you're trying to do is get the info you'll need for when the kid comes... And maybe venting a little frustration that your DH is just letting the skid walk all over him.
Why do you have to go buy
Why do you have to go buy more groceries? Tell him he can eat what is made for everyone for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and that's it. And once snacks run out then he's out of luck.
She has to buy more groceries
She has to buy more groceries because a teenage boy can eat everything in your house and still be hungry. It is not like having another adult in the house, it's like having an extra couple with some kids. On the weeks that my skids (SS15 and SS10) are at their BMs, we only spend around $50 for the two of us on groceries. On the weeks that we have the skids, I spend around $175 for the week. Teenage boys are like garbage disposals.