Update and "funny story" about Restraining Orders
Thank you to all that posted comments that were helpful and supportive. Its been a crazy week. And its not over yet.
After Wednesday Nights Spectacle of "Divorce-Gate", I contacted a good friend of mine. She gave me a bunch of really great advice, some I was familiar with, some not. She gave me sympathy and empathy and 3 different divorce lawyers. Shes experienced and has 3 marriages and divorces under her belt. She turns 50 this year. A successful local business women with 2 high-end salons and a property management business, she has all kinds of experiences to relate on practically everything and everyone in this small town.
In FACT, she knows of Toxic Troll who she hired inadvertantly as a cleaner for her house and after 3 hours of TT being there, her son (23 at the time) reported TT appearing "high" and had spent a long time in her bedroom and nothing appeared clean. TT didnt want to pick up her paycheck at the high-end salon where she was so she blasted her for non-payment, yelling at my friend and posting on social media, accusing Boss of leaving minors alone (her son looks like a teen...). So Friend, will call her Boss, she has previous experience of her crazy. And has experienced crazy exes of her own!
Ex boyfriend (unemployed loser with 2 kids with crazy ex) did not have any visitation, so Boss hired an attorney for him and got him a decent visitation schedule of a few days a week. He was living with her in an exclusive gated community near the beach. WELL, one fine evening before dinner, Bosses SD was on her phone. Loser Ex BF didnt care, but Boss cares and does not allow electronics at the dinner table. Asked SD to please leave her phone on the side table during dinner time together. SD freaked out, called crazy mother and crazy mother slapped Boss with a temporary restraining order, that stated Boss had "shoved the food in her face and down SD throat and other mean things..." Boss had 4 witnesses that it was a lie, so it was eventually thrown out. Then in a family court case, Loser Ex BF didnt fight and ended up with EOW and they couldnt be around Boss. So Loser Ex BF ended up getting a hotel for visitation EOW, and eventually just stopped seeing them completely.
So, Boss also told me that I need to take the allegations of "harassment" and "emotional abuse" seriously. She said that after temp restraining order she had sound activated recording devices and everything recorded and suggested that I do that same thing. That I NEVER be alone in the house with Backstabber/Munchkin SD14almost15. Because with a temp restraining order I can be ordered to be somewhere else out of my house during visitation weeks. And then spend lots of $$$ defending myself to beat it. And if lose I will be arrested if anywhere near her, so YEARS of not being in my house every other week. Unless another court case winning full custody.
Chills when Boss related this "funny story", because recall Tweedle Dum. Toxic Troll got a restraining order to "protect B/M" who was "afraid to be there when he was there". Easy to do one on me...
And of course there is always the spectre of "Divorce-gate" hanging over everything. Boss stated that I must absolutely be the first to file...gee when do I get a break?
On a positive note...colonoscopy went well, hes clean thus far. And ready to go fishing this weekend.
- CLove's blog
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Comments
Well, we know that TT would
Well, we know that TT would think nothing of filing for a restraining order for you to not be around her daughter if she thought she was sticking it to you, so....
And ready to go fishing this weekend.
And, where will SD be?
Who knows.
No where near me. Thats what I know. Unless we all go fishing together, hahahah.
Suprised
that she hasnt already done that. But shes basically lazy. And Tweedle Dum was hitting her in front of the kiddo and peed on kiddos door to room in front of kiddo. She like many, think that outright abuse is necessary for a temp restraining order. If she were to get wind of how easy it actually is, accordiing to Boss, she just might jump on that.
The other thing is that, up until this incident, I was not "the bad guy" for a little while, "damaging their child", I was simply the "controller of husband". Who was parenting her child helping with school (because then she could bask in glory of mother-of-the-year with smart kiddo)
Your best course
Clove, that is your best course. Take time to calm yourself and think everything through quietly. Peace.
I am so sorry you are having
I am so sorry you are having to go through all of this.
Your husband wont divorce u,
Your husband wont divorce u, trust me. You are the perfect victim for what he wants to do.
His plan is to intimidate u with divorce so that u end up accepting to babysit while he goes fishing. Of course, by babysit, I mean care for the child and their needs but no rules/consequences
He is bullying you into picking up his slack. You need to find a way to be out of the house when the child comes over and leave him hanging with the responsibility.
No judge will order you to be
No judge will order you to be out of the house when SD comes over if it's legally your house and you legally reside there. In the story of this boyfriend he had to see kids elsewhere. Your friend wasn't kicked out of her own house. This ain't happening. Her situation is irrelevant to your situation and she scares you for no reason. She sounds like a drama queen
She has experience with drama and dysfunction but it doesn't make her an expert on how to stop a dysfunction. Instead of listening to her drama advice I recommend therapy once again. If you don't seek help you'll end up with men just like DH after and if you divorce. I suspect he isn't the first abusive man you are with.
You just have to decide if dysfunction is the only life you can have or you can do better. This drama has nothing even to do with SKs. You are only preoccupied with skids because your marriage is dysfunctional.
I was in dysfunctional relationship before too and was also also preoccupied whth SDs and their misgivings. So I get it but unless you leave it will never get better.
The only way to stop it is not to be with men like yours. It doesn't matter if he has kids or not. Him and his abusuve dysfunctional ways is the issue. Not stepfamily or stepkids
"Instead of listening to her
"Instead of listening to her drama advice I recommend therapy once again. "
Ditto.
CLove, once again you are attaching yourself to someone whose life is full of drama and bowing down at her altar. There is a smorgasbord of women on here from all types of worlds, education levels, experience levels, etc..., yet you run to this woman who has been divorced three times and involved in all kinds of crazy drama and you do it proudly. You listen to her like she's some sort of icon, yet dismiss what most of us say on here.
You need to explore with a professional why you are attracted to this type of world? What was your childhood like? Why do you not see your DH for who he is and acknowledge his weaknesses for more than three seconds? Why do you misplace blame mostly on a child when the blame should be placed mostly on all three adults in her life?
DPW makes a good point. You
DPW makes a good point. You are going from attachment to a dysfunctional man and extreme preoccupation with skids and their crazy BM to attaching yourself to a very unhealthy dusfunctional drama ridden person who gives you advice based on her crazy life. Not saying she can't be your friend. But why is she a vessel of knowledge and expertise for you? Why do you gravitate towards these kind of people and make them center of your life? Why does their opinion matter to you more than anything else?
Seems to me, cLove, that you
Seems to me, cLove, that you have stayed in a highly dramatic situation for years longer than many people would have - and have been an active participant. You might want to examine whether you find drama addictive too.
When we were going through all the court and visitation drama, all I wanted was a drama-free life where we could do boring, mundane things without worrying about the police showing up, or getting a subpoena in the mail. I craved such a life, thought about it all the time. I'd never have made it as long as you have with TT, FF, B/M and even drama from your own husband threatening to divorce you when you get into fights.
I'm thinking drama appeals to you too, though you appear to be the more stable party in this equation. Otherwise, you'd have been gone long ago.
No judge will order you to be
No judge will order you to be out of the house when SD comes over if it's legally your house and you legally reside there.
This ^^^ If TT were to file for a restraining order to keep you away from her daughter, then her daughter cannot just show up at your house and claim that you violated the order.
If there is a restraining order against you, but the person who filed the order repeatedly tries to have contact with you, you may go to court to ask the judge to vacate the restraining order.
The person with the restraining order has some responsibility to avoid places where the other person will be
It would look pretty stupid for TT to file for a restraining order on behalf of SD, but send her to YOUR house.
You can find out the laws in your area regarding restraining orders but I can't imagine a judge ordering you away from your own home when SD comes over. So, your husband would have to take her fishing with him!