Happy B-Day to me aka An Update thats a Downer
Looking at life right now, I feel truly blessed. My health issues have healed, I have a home I love, my parents are with me, my family is healthy and doing well, I now see who my friends are (and arent). Ive learned some valuable lessons. Ive learned about my spouse and his very dark side that I didnt "see" before.
However there are a few things that I would take out of this life. A jealous and badgering spouse, who wakes me up on my birthday at 6 am pacific time "you are on 2 dating sites, I know you are hooking up!!"
I dont think that he is dangerous. Hes been in prison before and wont do anything to go back there. That was in his 20's but hes a free wheeling home owner with a working wife, covered in her health insurance and collecting unemployment, why would he mess that up?
Hes one day really nice and the next wakes up from bad dreams angry at me because "my dreams come true!" And then "I know your doing something and I will catch you, Im good at catching things..." It sounds ominous and scary but right now its just kicking up my funny bone.
Well I swear before everyone and everything that I have not gone outside my marriage. Im approaching menopause, Im not really that interested in other men (or women) in that way anyway. Fantasy is fantasy, and not reality. While I love those spicy shows and movies, Ive not been feeling spicy in reality at all.
My big plans - leave the snoring JW whos blown my day already, go for a nice long walk with women friends and visit my mother and father who have been dealing with major health issues. And look forward to this coming week where I can eat solids and be alone while he goes on a sympathy paid Baja fishing trip with his buddies. Maybe his "catching" will pay off in a more healthy way.
Thank you all for the creative and funny ways of taking care of this problem. Now if I can win the lottery I will be able to actually take care of the problem.
- CLove's blog
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Comments
Lawyer?
Happy birthday, Clove!
Have you seen a lawyer yet?
Now's the time to be careful.
Now's the time to be careful. Set up a contact plan with your family and close friends. All it takes is for him to rage out for a SECOND and he could hurt you. I'm LE and probably biased, but I've seen this happen thousands of times.
The lottery win will be when the divorce is final.
While he is with Barnacle Buddy in Baha, re-key the locks and have the divorce papers waiting for him when he gets back.
Even if you have to pay with half, it is far better to win that lottery than to torture yourself with this convict POS who dreams things. Yes, dreams like that tend to come true because people make them happen with their noxious crap. His noxious crap.
Spicy will come when it comes. After you are free and living your best life.
CLove, please be wary. He is a convict, not "thinking" he will be violent is a dangerous head space to be in. Ere on the side of caution and take care of you.
Happy birthday CLove.
Cajun Mom is correct - he is not behaving rationally.
Cajun Mom is correct - he is not behaving rationally. The man you used to know might not be dangerous, but I think the man he has become might be. Please get a lawyer and get things moving. There is no reason to continue to live together while you are divorcing. At the minimum, put together a "go bag" and stash it in your car. Make some kind of plan with friends in real life to check in at least once a day. You need to start really looking out for yourself.
Clove, Hon!
Clove, Hon!
C'mon, girl! You're procrastinating and I can't say as I blame you: to quote Neil Sedaka, ‘Breaking Up Is Hard To Do!’ However, it’s past time to protect yourself and get thee to a lawyer! As much as I hate to nag, Clove, your not so dear H is behaving ruthlessly and you really need to take care of yourself.
Howsabout you repeat after grannyd:
“Today, I will phone a lawyer!”
Get ‘er done!
Clove... Happy Birthday...
Clove... Happy Birthday... and get to that lawyer asap!
Allso.. are you really on two dating sites? or is that a complete fabrication of his twisted mind?
If it's the former.. you really do need to be mindful of appearances.. and whether or not you are actively seeking someone else.. those kinds of signs don't look great in court..
If it's the latter.. you do need to be very aware that this guy is more than a little off the rails. Now you are giving us a lot more insight onto the kind of person he is.. a drug dealer.. has been to prison.. he honestly doesn't sound like any kind of quality person... and sounds like he has the propensity to do very bad and stupid things. I know it was in his 20's.. he wasn't 12 though.. he was an adult. and his lack of sensibility and moral compass has likely not fixed itself. Clearly his recent behavior speaks to probably some substance abuse at the very least.
And.. I can say, I have some history with a guy that had substance issues.. and until you live it.. you don't understand the true jekyl and hyde transformation that people go through. They can become completely different people when using.. and say and do things that would curl your hair and are a complete shock. They will accuse you of the most bizarre things that make zero sense.. but in their twisted mind those things are true facts. Unfortunately it's also ver dangerous because they are unpreditable and can lash out in ways you don't expect.
I know you don't want to have to deal with the beast that this is.. but you need to get him out of your space asap. It would be worth selling your home and moving to get away from someone like that.
I know that I didn't sleep any better than after I found out my abusive EX was pushing up daisies... after I ran across his obituary one day.. I even had moved from a home that I loved.. (country.. yet close to town.. had a 8 stall barn.. riding ring.. perfect for my horses) because he knew where I lived and it always had felt like a shoe waiting to drop on me.
Please.. please.. take this all seriously.. your guy is a disaster... and one that is in the midst of happening. Your sane mind tells you he doesn't want to screw up his good thing.. I will tell you.. that he doesn't have that sane mind in his own head.. and he is very capable of forgetting that.. and doing you real harm.
Happy (late) Birthday! As
Happy (late) Birthday! As others have said, i worry for you, still living with D!psh!t. You never know what he might do. A lawyer would be a great birthday gift to yourself! Once you are no longer living with him, a great weight will be lifted.
I'm a bit late to this one
I'm a bit late to this one but I want to remind you that a man who knows he's going to lose everything is a very dangerous man and prison in his past or not, when he panics he's going to explode. Be careful, set up a communication plan w/ a friend.