The Smoke and Mirrors saga aka part 2 of Restraining Orders and Lawsuits

aka - word from pasty face Clove:

SO its been a while. Last Monday a bomb was dropped on me (or so I thought...stick around it gets tricky or funny depending) about a previous friend who was planning on filing a restraining order and law suits against Husband.

Never happened, and he finally came clean to me Wednesday morning after calling from his friends house at 4:30 am.

Apparently there were some details she left out. Like shes good friends with Husbands friends and is trying to get them to side with her. She said she was going to subpeana me I asked her not to and she agreed. Also, she was storing tents at husbands barnical friends house and thats why the cops were called, so they could be witnesses in case this woman went crazy. Cops thought it was funny.

So, as much as I want husband to be at fault here, I think in this case shes the crazy mad one. I dont know why she has it out for him for $100. I asked if he had considered telling her "Im sorry you are not happy with the work done, no charge", he said yes he had tried it and still she threatened and accused him of threatening her, her kids and her work. He might be a jerk but he wouldnt do that.

So, the memorial day weekend was...memorable with other stuff. Husband is convinced Im cheating. Im so tired with all the stress of work and his up all nighters, and other stuff...who has the energy? But hes got a bug up the yin yang and is insisting that there is "something going on".

Oh, and it doesnt help that Saturday night as I was enjoying some music with my gf, at a local bar, Feral Forger stumbles in with her drunk on the floor gf. And yes, Ill admit to you that I did record her. And her friend caught me, I denied, she demanded my phone and belly bumped me with her roundness, to which I calmly told her "back off little girl, your out of line and being aggressive." My friend at the door collecting money saw it and said I was very calm and they were loaded when they came in (its that kind of place). And that she was very aggressive. Of course for follow up, husband gets the text "control your wh@re of a pasty-faced, pregnant-looking sl#tty wife, she is out of control!" and so on...

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He is the one who is out at

He is the one who is out at all hours but is accusing YOU of cheating? Ok.

Honestly, I don't know why you would bother to record FF being drunk. Who cares?

Mistake

Right. Who cares and who needs her nasty -a$$ed texts anyways.

Little did I know that they had run into each other a few days ago at this same bar and did shots together. Sheesh. I thought meyb he would want to know that shes ok.

Clove, I'm afraid he is accusing you of cheating because he is.

Clove, I'm afraid he is accusing you of cheating because he is. He is the one out all hours of the night with no explanation. Please start "getting your ducks in a row" so you can get out of this toxic mess.

Up all night

Yep. Comes home at 9, 10, 11, whenever. Or leaves and comes back late around 1. And up every night past 3 am. Im suspecting someone else too.

Im getting my debts paid and gathering my support system as well as making healthy decisions (abstaining from alcohol) to be strong for whatever comes next.

Clove... just to be clear...

Clove... just to be clear... you now have another side of the story but you still may not have the real story. If you got this stuff from him.. I'm certain his slant is going to be that she is the wacko issue.

And.. she may be a problematic person.. but that doesn't mean that he has not had legit conflicts and issues with her. You know for a fact he can be abusive in his communication.

Also, as has been pointed out... none of this explains his bizzaro out all hours behavior.. and certainly the fact that you are being accused of cheating is a huge red flag here because it seems that he is trying to take the heat off himself by making you the bad guy... and accusing you of cheating.. first step in establishing his cause for wanting to split? (naahhh probably wouldn't want to do that.. would lose his sugar momma right?.. unless he has a woman with more money on the hook now).

Shoot.. you think he was cheating with this woman... and she is now feeling scorned? IDK.. again... his treatment of you.. his lack of responsibility to your marriage... to your finances.. to being a productive and caring partner to you... all of it has been lacking.. for a very, very long time. Shoot.. he is even a pretty crappy father.. the things he has done "for"his kids.. have been counterproductive to their growth as human beings.. and the only efforts to try to help them be decent people.. have been on your part.. which he has sabotaged.. or allowed to be sabotaged by his EX.

I am team Clove.. but your DH has shown himself to not be a person that will enrich your life and be a partner that you can walk shoulder to shoulder with.. at best.. he has been a petulant child you have been raising along with his other two.

Sugar momma

Yes, he NEEDS me right now. To get him his unemployment bennies as well as pay my half of mortgage, property tax, bills and all that entails.

I definitely do not think that she is a scorned affair partner. I think that shes peeved at him because he did what he always does and turns on the jerk mode because he wants to get paid. She came out guns blazing and went for the jugular. Even so far as to bring me into it with how badly he treats me and more gruesome details that I dont want to bring up here.

Im keeping my head down and getting LOTS of rest and setting up boundaries finally. For one, he cannot come into my sleep time with his outrageous accusations. Hes been digging through my facebook and looking everyone whos posts Ive ever liked. He cant really find things but he is really digging to find things to be angry about.

AND he did this same thing to Toxic Troll. She might not have been as crazy as I thought if this is how he is.

Classic cheating playbook,

Classic cheating playbook, blame the other person of cheating first so it throws them off you. The signs are all there, you know it. As for FF I understand wanting that moment in time memorialized, but really all it did was cause unnecessary drama for you.

Agreed

AND it inflamed him further because of her comments "your cheating sh@re", because she thought she saw me communicating with an affair partner when she was 14. It was a long time friend of mine. And nothing was going on between us, but because her mother was a cheater pants and all over the place with different guys, I must be the same, and shes perpetuating that to this day.

I still don't think you've

I still don't think you've got the story. I think it's a case of they're both asses. But why? that's the question I'd like an answer to. Why is she being so vindictive? And why is he suddenly ramping up the you're cheating line?

I dont.

And I dont know if I should continue digging to find it either. He has not shown me the texts between them and she hasnt either. Yet she was "threatened". And he claims no threats made. It was just a "business deal", and now shes out for blood for some reason and bringing everyone else into it. All kinds of common friends and historical events. Like I mentioned above, guns blazing going for the jugular and not accepting and apologies from him at this point.

CLove, please stop looking

CLove, please stop looking for excuses for him. You've been doing this for years. This marriage has run its course. Why are you still clinging to straws. You are WAY out of his league. Dammit woman, you even raised his kids for him. He's been treating you with contempt for ages - when are you going to decide that enough is enough? Where is your self-esteem?

Have you considered that he may be bi and that he's been cheating on you with whoever he chooses? I started thinking that his barnacle buddy was more than just a pal YEARS ago. I suggest you get a full battery of STD tests (without telling him) done and talk to that pit bull lawyer. It's time you started looking out for YOU.

CLove, you don't need this loser.

Be kind to yourself.

Self esteem

Im working on becoming stronger in myself. Abstaining from alcohol, going out with friends is my start. Hopefully getting the energy to get to the gymn on a regular basis. Ive been fasting and lost a few lbs, but its a drop in the bucket so far.

Ive been setting up boundaries. And am just trying to do the sane and safe things. Going to start with separate bedrooms and asking for a trial separation for getting a break.

My finances need a lot of work. I am thinking of a second job. A weekend thing. Gets me out of the house and away and will help with my independence.

I agree with Winter, I have always thought there was something

I agree with Winter, I have always thought there was something going on between DH and Barnicle Buddy as well. Even if that isn't the case, given the fact that he is probably fooling around now, an STD check is a really good idea.

He does have the spouse spot

He does have the spouse spot in husbands heart and life, it seems, they spend so much time together, but no there is no relationship other that an extremely close friendship where they spend significant amounts of time together.

Then get tested. Nobody needs

Then get tested. Nobody needs to know about, it but your life might depend on knowing and getting treated ASAP.

You only get one shot at life, CLove.

Team "DH Is Cheating"

You are being gaslighted. As the others said, there is way more to this story than you know. I'm thinking something happened between him and that woman. Still too many holes in the story and now your DH is accusing YOU of cheating???? Nah. Get your Plan B ready...this guy along with his nutty kids is no good for you.

So I am not a fan of your DH

Which I am sure you have gathered on my comments on your past blogs, but something about that whole story with your old friend and DH just didn't sit right which is why I had said you needed to talk to him. It is good he talked to you first even if it was at 4 am in the morning so that he didn't try to turn it on you or gaslight you like he has in the past.

I do think he is maybe cheating though based on his comings and goings, plus typically people cheating project their wrong doings on others so that they aren't in the wrong.

Still don't like him and think you deserve better, but I am glad it wasn't what your friend made it out to be.