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OT - Thankful Thursday

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 12:39pm

It's been a hot minute since I did one of these. I hope PB will take time to consider all of the things for which she can be thankful.

I am extremely thankful for the StepTalk family.

Yes, I consider StepTalk to be a family. We laugh, support each other, tell hard truths with caring, and reach out to those who are scared or hurting. Reading all of the comments on PB's last blog, witnessing this family reach out... I'm not crying. You're crying. 

I want to reshare an old blog I posted. And while I know not everyone in an abusive relationship was subjected to physical abuse, I fully believe that mental abuse is much more difficult to overcome. After all these years, I still cannot bear to wear a shirt that touches my throat or let the basement door close while I'm down there.

I went from a confident and fearless young woman to a timid mouse who couldn't select her own outfit. I distinctly remember the day I burst into tears looking at my clothes, trying to choose something. Psycho hugged me and said, "That's okay, honey. I'll do it for you." From that day on, he selected everything from outerwear to underwear to jewelry. And I was grateful. It's mortifying to look back at what I allowed myself to become for "love". (Psssst... obsession!) He started with backhanded compliments and never looked back. Anything that went wrong became my fault. Did you ever see Sleeping With The Enemy? Misaligned towels. I damn near ran out of the theater, but was too shocked to move. My pantry had to be arranged alphabetically (fruits and veggies had to be separate and, yes, tomatoes were with the fruit) and cans were rotated so nothing was past the use/best by/expired date. I refused to organize when I escaped and still don't. Funny how I know exactly where everything is though.

After all these years, I still cannot bear to wear a shirt that touches my throat or let the basement door close while I'm down there. But I came back better and stronger than ever. Psycho couldn't keep me down. 

https://www.steptalk.org/blog/aniki/ot-abusive-partner-258369

 

I am so thankful for all of you. And I am so thankful for Mr Aniki who showed me that it was possible for a 45yo woman who had been through Hell to find love with a good man. (And he has those big ol' scarred, hardworking man hands...)

Much love to you, STalkers!!! <3

Comments

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 1:14pm

I am truly sorry that you had to live with that, Aniki. I started to watch Sleeping with the Enemy and couldn't finish it  - and I saw it on TV (so not the big screen effect) and without the background that you had. Terrifying. I am so glad that you found a real man.

(((((HUGS)))))

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 2:23pm

HUGS right back at you, Winterglow!

I had no idea that movie would hit so close to home. We go back to court soon and I'm hoping this will close that chapter for 25 years (jail sentence), making him 86yo when it ends. It would be wonderful to not have to keep all of this caca fresh in my mind for every time we go to court. Ish.

I am very blessed to have Mr Aniki. *angel*

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 1:39pm

I'm so sorry you went through that, Aniki - and yes, Sleeping with the Enemy was a hard film to watch.  Like you I am very thankful for StepTalk being here, over all the years I've been a member - it's kept me going, at times!  Thanks, everyone. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 2:25pm

It's kept me going, too, Kes. I cannot believe it has been 10 years since I joined! STalk saved my marriage and I'll forever be grateful to those who gave me advice. Even the bad advice! *pleasantry*

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 2:16pm

I'm so mad.  I am physically shaking, bright red faced, high bloodpressure mad.

Someone who would do this to anyone else, particularly a person they supposedly love and make a life with, needs to get the Burning Bed treatment.

Even in a toxic marriage, what you experienced is unjustified and inexcusable.

I am so sorry your experienced all of that Aniki.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 2:39pm

Rags! I didn't mean to upset anyone! I guess I've relived this so many times that the telling has dulled me from feeling anything when I speak of or read it. 

People think that if I could go back and change things that I'd change that. I would not. It forged who I am. I like who I am. I like where I am in life, and it's good life with a wonderful husband and pretty awesome stepkids (although they were not 10 years ago lol). Nope, wouldn't change a thing. *drinks*

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 2:59pm

When winter draws in have a whisky mac ginger wine plus,your favourite whisky - no ice) on me. It has to ɓe really cold out to appreciate it. Roll in the snow if you must Smile

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 9:50pm

Winterglow, I had to look that up...and now I want one! Right after my post-sauna roll in the snow... *biggrin*

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 3:27pm

You did not upset me Aniki.  I am upset for you, that you lived that.

As you have wisely recognized for yourself, for me and for DW, we would not change a thing. What we lived prior to meeting is what made us the right person for the other at the beginning of us.  Like you and Mr. A... we have lived and built the us we want and are continuing that journey together.

Take care of yourself, and of each other Lady A.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 9:54pm

As awful as that time was, it forged me into who I am today. Mr A has four awesome bios/stepkids in spite of how horrible BioHo was/is. We feel like life is pretty dan good. 

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 2:24pm

I am also thankful for ALL of YOU Steptalkers that have met my venting and steam with calmness, intelligence and empathy. Im also glad PB woke up and let us know.

Today I am indeed thankful that I have a paycheck and a solid home to drive to after my job, which I am thankful for. I am glad of the problem of picking a place to take my Dad on fathers day.

So much to be thankful for! Thank you Aniki!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 2:42pm

CLove, there is always something for which we can be thankful. We have days when we struggle to think of a reason, but it can be as simple as waking up to live another day. A car, a job, a home, vision, hearing, mobility... always something. 

Hope you and your dad have a lovely time!

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 3:30pm

I appreciate the STalker-verse tolerating me for 16+ years. 

Thank you all. Even the ones who cringe at my nearly completely singular message.

Dirol

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 3:45pm

I had my quarterly Endo appointment this AM.  I got there early. Before they even opened. I stood in the hallway for 20mins for the lights to come on and the door to be unlocked.

My Endo is incredible. The first I have had who is a T-1 and living the disease themselves.  She is a partner in this zero reprieve disease.

She demoted me to part time patient. Instead of quarterly, she put me on twice a year appointments.  A rough demotion since I crush on her big time.

Wink

I was in range 97% of the time 24/7 since my February appointment.  Apparently this is a rare thing for her patients. 

So, a very thankful Thursday for me, indeed.

It is a great thing to be a miracle of modern technology and pharmaceutical science.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 06/14/2024 - 12:24am

Thanks.

I told DW that I was demoted, she gave me a kiss on the cheek, and an "Awwwwww." then said she knew that I would not like getting demoted to twice a year because of the crush I have on my Endo.

I have no secrets.  Even when I think I do.

Blush

Shieldmaiden's picture

Submitted by Shieldmaiden on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 5:36pm

I'm so happy that you found a good man, and you are happy and free of your past. 

Lillywy00's picture

Submitted by Lillywy00 on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 5:50pm

Super thankful to learn and grow from reading the experiences of others on the forum. 
 

Very solid group of supportive individuals here. 
 

Also thankful for my current abode. It's super nice and peaceful. I can only have faith that my next move will be equally as nice as this. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 9:57pm

Lillywy00, it's great that your place is super nice and peaceful. Does wonders for a person!

MorningMia's picture

Submitted by MorningMia on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 6:12pm

Hugs. I'm so glad you came out of that nightmare alive (for one), stronger and happier. 

And thank you. Since I came here only 6 -7 months ago after nearly losing my husband (heart attack followed by bypass surgery and, of course, a period of recovery) and then having the adult ingrate skids in our home "to help," I was about to lose it. Their crap behavior gave me ptsd and the entire past with them came flooding back. . . along with the resentment. Hearing others' stories and trials and being able to vent here and get feedback has helped enormously. In this short period, I (finally) decided to cut off from the skids completely, which is the best and most self affirming thing to do in my situation. Even DH is close to throwing in the towel, not that he ever will (and I don't encourage or discourage it). Things "awaken" when we communicate and share with others. That is really something to be grateful for! 
 

PS...I have used the term "cash grab" many times. It is so perfect and describes my SD's MO to a T! 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Thu, 06/13/2024 - 10:00pm

Thank you, MorningMia. There is such a feeling of relief to find a community where others have dealt with the same/similar issues. "I'm not alone!" generates comfort and validation. {{{hugs}}}

TheAccidentalSM's picture

Submitted by TheAccidentalSM on Fri, 06/14/2024 - 11:59am

But its so great that it has made you into the person you are today.

I'm also grateful for ST.  Back in the day when my step life was grim and I fantisised about running away, ST kept me sane.  I also have me the language to negotiate to a better place with Mr TASM.  Thanks you all.  Its been 9 years and 5 months since I first made my account.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Fri, 06/14/2024 - 12:47pm

Aniki.. I know from similar experiences how insidiously it moves into your life..  Over time, things you would have NEVER thougth were acceptable become your day to day life.  Walking on eggshells to avoid the blow up.  I also get uncomfortable watching movies like that!  I also probably am more raw to it when I see people on here accepting subpar treatment!

I think this sight is a great place where people can share ideas.. help to stay sane through a situation that is often chaotic.. and make personal connections.