It's me again with my 12 year old SD! If you are getting bored of me and my venting (LOL) please do not read on. I am somewhat relieved that everyone is starting to see my SD's poor attitude that I have been noticing now forever. Now, before you chalk it up to a 12 year old just being a 12 year old, I know this isn't true because her older sister did not act this way from my discussions with BM.

Where to begin, SD is disrespectful (talks back and has a snotty attitude ALL of the time), irresponsible (we are constantly going back and forth between the houses because of her forgetfulness), dirty,(does not want to shower or brush her teeth without a fight) trys to wear inappropriate clothing that is way too small (such as short volleyball shorts where her butt is hanging out or her underwear is showing, even on cold days!) We try to punish her by taking away priveledges such as computer, cell phone, etc, but nothing we do seems to be working or correcting her behavior. I have a good relationship with her mom, and we are both at our wits end. As I sad in my last post, I feel a sense of dread when 3:30 rolls around and she comes home from school, because I feel like when she is in the house, its like a dark cloud is looming and it creates so much tension in the household. Her mother tells me the same thing happens at their house.

I believe one of the issues is that SD does not have a visitation schedule, she basically picks and chooses when and where she wants to be, so essentially, the control is put in her hands rather than us, the adults. So, for example, if she gets in trouble at one house, she has the option of coming over to the other, or, if she doesn't like what one house is having for dinner, she comes over to the other, sometimes changing her mind about where to go as late as 7pm. I find this very disruptive, as I have a baby who is on a schedule. I have tried to talk to my husband about my issue with her not having a schedule and being able to come and go as she pleases, but he sees no issue with it so I have gotten nowhere. Should I talk to BM about it or would that be overstepping my boundries and undermining my husband?

Basically, any advice about effective punishments and how to create boundaries with this child would be appreciated, also, should I talk to BM about lack of a schedule.