Part 3: Fiance is trying 2 put a guilt trip on me!
Good news first, a found a very nice home for my son and I to purchase...I close in 45 days....Now my fiance is saying things like u should be happy now, this is probably what I wanted anyway, my family only cares 4 my son and I . We are a very close family and when they found out about what happened, they were very happy and offered 2 do anything I needed....he is angry about that...Then he's telling me that I never loved him because I won't stick by him through him going back 2 exw....WTF.....He says I'm just happy I have my own place now so I can have some guy in it..I told him I had my own place when I met him..how soon we forget....I will be glad when he just gets his things which is just his clothes snd tv and go on back 2 her.He is mad and me and taking his anger out on me because I didn't miss a beat from my life because of him....what the hell is his problem?
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ENJOY
Don't let him steal your joy!!! This guy is 2 french fries short of a happy meal!!!!
He's also missing a couple of nuggets...
...if you know what I mean. Happy housewarming and enjoy your new life! You're sooooo much better off!
~ Anne ~
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
You should be proud.
De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
The strength you are displaying is decisive and encouraging. It is evident that you are not allowing Mr.Confused to play you and are making wise decisions for your son and yourself.Keep it up, we are all behind you.
He's transferring
He's feeling guilty about the fact that he's strung you along.. feeling bad about he's treating you.. and the only way to make that all "okay" is for YOU to be happy with what's happening as if you never wanted him in the first place. That way it's not HIS fault, it's YOUR fault. He gets to be the victim in all of this instead of you.
Next time he pulls this crap I would calmly tell him not to try to reverse HIS own guilt about this situation onto you. You never asked for any of this, and you didn't get a choice in the decision for him to go back to his exw. However, you do have a choice in how you're going to respond to this, and if he doesn't love you above all others, like you love HIM, there's no point in continueing on for you, or your son. That he should start taking a good look at what kind of person HE is instead of trying to blame this situation on you. And leave it at that.
good luck!
Stepup
Flippin'
Transference is a good term but we call it... FLIPPIN' THE SCRIPT!!!!!! lol
DON"T BUY IT!!!!!
I wish I had your strength -
I wish I had your strength - you inspire me for moving on. Dont let him detract you....
In tears!
Every last comment truly gives me the strength to go another day....especially the survivor song...thanks...I never really listened 2 the words...
Trying 2 be strong...but sometimes I'm so weak and can't stop crying....This whole situation just makes me question reality...what is real and what is not......
That song can be your theme song....
When my ex left, my theme song was from Cher,"Do you believe in life after love? I used to play it lots to remember that I was too good for him. You are too good for this guy..."your ex-fiance". Of course he is angry, he just made one huge mistake. Who else is he going to be mad at...certainly not himself!
What is real is that you deserve better than him
and that you have the strength to move on with your life for the sake of you and your child. You will cry, but you can do this. You will be even stronger because of it.
Just remember that you deserve to be happy and loved, not treated like an extra pair of socks.
Hugs,
marika
My Theme song
De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
When my ex and I split was " I will survive". Maybe, you can get strength from it too.
At first I was afraid, I was petrified, kept thinking I could never live without you by my side, But then I spent so many nights thinkin how you did me wrong and I grew strong, I learned how to get along.
And so your back from outer space, I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face, I should have changed the stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key, if I had known for just one second that you would be back to bother me.
Oh now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, cause your not welcome anymore..werent you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye, you think I would crumble, you think I'd lay down here and die...Oh not I, I will survive, for as long as I know how to love, I know I'll be alive, I've got all my life to live and I've got all my love to give, I'll survive, I will survive, hey, hey.
It took all the strength I had to just not fall apart, Trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart,and I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself, I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high. And you see me,with someone new, I'm not that chained up little person still in love with you, and so you thought you'd just drop by and expect me to be free, but now I'm saving all my loving for someone who is loving me.
Oh now go, walk out the door, just turn around now, cause your not welcome anymore. weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire, you think I'd crumble, you think I'd lay down here and die, oh not I, I will survive, for as long as I know how to love, I know I'll be alive, I 've got all my life to live and I've got all my love to give, I'll survive, I will survive..hey, hey.
Think About
Think about how you will HATE yourself and lose self respect going back to this guy. This is hard at first but believe me you will feel better in the long run.
Stay strong. We all are here for you!!!
It's a daily struggle....
I think the more I keep repeating 2 myself the things he said 2 me, the I know that he is not the person 4 me...There was a time when I couldn't imagine my life without him....but I'm not in that place anymore...This is sooo hard 4 me because in the beg. and the middle, I was so sure he was the one 4 me....boy was I wrong....There is no part of me that wants 2 stay, but there is a part of me that will miss what we had......does that make sense?
You Are Going Through
You are going through a grieving process. I went through the grieving with short periods of hurt and anger. Then the grieving stopped and then it was all anger. Then after awhile nothing. My friends tell me that the opposite of love is not hate. It is indifference. That is soooo true. Now the only thing I think about my ex fiance is the fact I am sooooo glad I didn't marry the bastard.
You are so right, Cruella!
I would say that you know that you are over a relationship or reconciled to the loss of a relationship (good or bad) when you feel indifference. Sometimes that takes a while but when it happens it is a great feeling.
Sure that makes sense...
You have lost something very special to you...a relationship that you thought was forever. It is very normal to miss what you had and the future you envisioned. Take it easy on yourself. No matter how much it makes sense in your head to keep him out of your life...making sense in your heart is a whole different ball game! Take care and take some time for you.
The wonderful thing about life is we can see it how we want..
De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
The painful part of life is realizing that what we thought we felt , heard and saw turns out to be noticably different from what we formally believed was the truth. The hardest thing to admit to myself after the demise of my first marraige was that NOTHING was as it I had chosen to believe. I spent the better part or 19 years making excuses for my ex, and his words and actions, to myself and to others. I defended the fact that he loved me and our children and no matter what he did to hurt us, there had to be a good reason for it and I was the one to find it. The most dangerous thing you can do to yourself at this stage in your life is to romanticize what the two of you had...I am not trying to hurt you in anyway, but please see that a man like this loves only because of what that love brings to him, not what he can give to that love.You need to have the strength and the forsight, for yourself and your son, to see through this type of man should you ever come across one like him agian.Indeed what YOU felt with your now ex fiancee was love...but,I am sure you can see now that he has no clue what love is really about. These type of men(even some women) only love themselves. In retrospect, I can look back and see that my ex did everything to ensure happiness,and to meet needs, problem was it was his happiness and his needs, not mine and our childrens.Please just realize that your reality and his reality are two different things.That while you remember fondly him holding you and telling you that he loved you, or tickeling you or long walks with you, that he was still seeing the ex the whole time and spoke words of love to her as well or she would not have opened her door to him agian... I just hurt so much for you, I truly understand your pain...Everyone here sees the strength you have in letting him go, now shut that door emotionally too, THERE IS someone out there who can LOVE you and your son, because you are both worth it. Hugs
CONGRATULATIONS>>
he is pist cuz your not going to be his fall back.. And good for you. You are showing your strong sense and your ability to not put up with is shit. I would personally love to ask him why are you or why does he expect you to stand by him when he goes back to his EW.. why does he need someone.. he loves her right? What the hell.. You go girl kick his clothes, TV and big ole pussy ass to the curb.. (sorry rare form today)....
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
WOW happy!!!
De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
You are in rare form today,lol,lol. Hell if my dh ever gives me any problems Im calling you girl,lol.
Thanks its all some anon poster
Who pist me off today..
But ok, I got your back any time you need it..
Its funny I have actually been in rare form for about a week. I just decided that I am so over people and screwing me over... you know. I talked to a good friend of mine last Friday and I was telling her about my whole weekend on the 9th of June and she said that I am just a nice person and people take advantage of that. Well guess who isn't playing nice anymore.. Thats right i am a bitch and I know it now. LOL.. Anyways.. Thanks I am taking your comment as a compliment..
have a wonderful day..
Happy
" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..
LOL!!!!!!
It has a roller coaster rides indeed! Today was my first day back at work since March...took off because ex fiance broke his leg, had surgery and was down for 16 weeks.....started teaching summer school today....It felt so good 2 be out of that house, away from him, and around my co-workers. He called me 50 times while I was at work...I didn't answer once....I don't have to..and it felt great! He left msg. saying how much he missed me, how he is so confused...he wanted to know if I wore my engagement ring...WTF! what do I look like putting on that ring and you're going back 2 your exw....I don't think so......spoke with him after work and told I'm not putting that back on...now he is all upset saying he is confused and doesn't know what to do....I left my response civil, sweet, and to the point....I said you've already done it......that felt so good...Thanks guys...:)