Did his parents teach him to acknowledge loved ones birthdays?

If neither parent bothered to instill this in him, then you are fighting a losing battle. He will grow into the man who expects his wife to remember and handle all of that.

yeah, when you say your DH all basically single-handedly raised his son by himself , then whatever this teen lacks is a result of lessons not taught. Perhaps DH parented out of guilt and made childhood all about 'me me me' for the kid.

Depends how much you guys celebrate it...

I still don't remember my parents birthdays but we never really celebrated birthdays.

If his dad isn't bothered by it, you shouldn't be either. Don't care more than the parent.

Uhm I just turned 26 and I have a hard time remembering my parent's birthdays. Growing up we almost never acknowledged their birthdays and if we did it was one parent reminded us to tell the other.

My family always celebrate in a big way. We would NEVER forget their birthdays! Katie - I am completely with you. The son should want to out of appreciation of his father and all he does for him. I would be devastated if my children didn't acknowledge my birthday. They are only young but they know how to check the calendar and get so excited when there's an upcoming birthday. Our children are given $20 each per person they are buying for at Christmas and again for their birthday and we take them shopping. They love finding 'the perfect gift'. They also make something - the card or picture, etc. to give. At 16yo I'd expect them to plan something special for our family members. I am pro-celebration though and I am completely over-the-top in making the day special (doesn't have to cost a lot of money, more gestures).

My stepkids have refused to give DH anything even when they were <10yrs. I clearly remember asking them to sign a Father's Day card and one piped up with "It isn't compulsory" and they all agreed not to. I said ok and shed a few tears in private. They've never given him anything since - so over 7yrs now. DH pretends he doesn't care and maybe he doesn't now, but he did initially. They celebrate in a big way for their BM. They show off about how they use their birthday money from grandparents to buy her jewellery.

I agree that these habits are taught early on. I'm glad we were taught to appreciate our parents and each other. We were spoiled by kindness. If it was my brother's birthday I would make his bed and do his chores. He was 'King' for the day. Mum never cooked on her birthday. We would shine Dad's work boots on his birthday... and there was always an amazing cake Mum spent so much time making. It's the little things that I've remembered and that I make sure I carry on for my family.

Just give up on it..... the kid is spoiled and does not care about others, this is the way he was raised. You will not be able to chance it.... I gave up when Aergia turned 15.... she can't even say Happy Birthday

i stopped buying her stuff for birthdays and Christmas.... she's he same as your SS, she can't be bothered to tell her Dad Happy Birthday..... she's been raised this way, even if it's my birthday and SO buys me something she demands to get something more expensive and she gets it, oh and that's on my birthday not hers...

Year before last I bought SO a gift and my Deigma bought SO a gift... we handed it to him and said Happy Birthday (Deigma added old man ) Aergia started crying cause no one told her.... Deigma hardly knows SO, he was away in boarding school and we do not live together, but yet I mentioned once SO's birthday and Deigma buys yearly something... a chocolate... SO has a very sweet tooth.... With Aergia's little tantrum SO told her straight out... you are my daughter no one is suppose to tell you when my birthday is.... now she makes sure she's with BM on those days

Not at this age.

Your ss will figure it out and have to make UP his own excuse or 'whatever'. I would remain silent. UNLESS your planning a dinner/party then of course you would have told him if you wanted ss there.

IF the BM was worth her weight she might have thrown a small hint at her kid. It is NOT your job though.

Happy Birthday to your DH

Why shield your Dh from your SS forgetting his birthday? I did the "get a gift and say it is from the kid" thing the first year we were together, but SS never appreciates what others do. Now, I don't even remind him about birthdays or anything like that. If Dh has nothing from SS or not even a happy birthday, then that will be on SS....not a reflection of ME!

If I were you, I wouldn't even do the reminders!

It was SO birthday yesterday and from sd19 - she sent a fb message!
SO commented to me he was unhappy she hadnt even had decency to phone him to wish him hb. I mentioned that if he was unhappy then return the favour on her bday. He said he couldnt do that as it wasnt nice!
She did eventually phone late evening (i truly believe this was after prompted by her sisters who text her to tell her to do it) and SO was ...oh yeah she did remember blah blah blah...but actually listening to phone call it was all about sd19 and not about her dad.
Some kids will never think of anyone else but themselves.

Stop reminding him, stop buying presents from him. If he doesn't remember, that's on him.

My skids are 24, 22, 19, and 17 - only the 17yo ever remembers. Do your thing, let him do his. When you give your DH a gift, make sure there is no mistake it is from YOU. It would be a different story if he didnt have money or access to go to a store - OR if he wanted to help think up a thoughtful gift and you help buy it because you know your DH would enjoy it - but he doesn't do any of that so stop and save yourself some annoyance.

At 12 and 13 I would take SD to get gifts and pay for them. I wanted her to learn to give and to be thoughtful.

At 14 she declined to go gift shopping (she actually said "I'm not a thoughtful person") but I continued to offer every year.

This year she was 17. I almost went in to offer and then I stopped myself. At 17 she should not only be able to get a gift but she should be able to figure out her own transportation and to come up with some cash.

Offering to drive her everywhere is one of the things that keeps her too comfortable to want to learn to drive. So all things considered, for me it was 17. I was trying to teach her to think of others and give back. Now I'm letting her know she's not a little girl anymore.

This past Christmas was IT for me.

SS17 drives and has a car that was provided by me. SS17 has a job that I got for him. SD15 always manages to get where she wants to go.

So when the skids thought to buy gifts for girlfriends, boyfriends and friends but couldn't even manage to SAY Merry Christmas to me or their father who they live with FT, I was PISSED. DH doesn't care and says I shouldn't either. I wanted to smack them both as I watched them open a million gifts bought by DH and they criticized most of them.

They are two of the most spoiled, selfish kids I have ever encountered. Beyond MOST teenagers. I am over it. I will not say anything to them and I won't remind, arrange or help them anymore. If it hurts DH's feelings, oh well. He raised them to be like this.