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SS14...what are you up to?

boogeymom's picture

So, I'm not quite sure, but I think SS14 might be trying to get into my good graces somehow or for some reason....? He's pretty much never been there before, so it would be a first, it's not clear to me what exactly he's up to, if anything. Some background: Both skids are pretty much the bane of my existence. I tried to be the SM who participates in their stuff, tried to get out and do fun things, even tried get them to be part of MY family, etc., for about the first 4 years or so I was with DH. Even now, my parents will do stuff with them, take them to lunch for their birthdays, etc. Stuff I gave up on a long time ago because I'm so worn-down from dealing with their bullshit and constant disrespect towards every adult they know (except for my parents and siblings...weird), I pretty much just stopped caring.

Over time, the skids just continued to get worse, until DH's 40th birthday, when we all went out to dinner and they got so obnoxious that, after the meal and when we were in the truck, we had finally had it. He pretty much told them they had ruined his birthday dinner, that they couldn't even keep it together long enough to have a pleasant meal, etc. I pretty much stayed out of it, like I always do, until SS14 told DH to shut up, and then I snapped just a little bit. I told him he'd better NEVER tell an adult to shut up, especially his father, ever again, and that's when he called me a bitch, then ran out of the vehicle because I was about to black out and wake up in jail, and he pretty much knew it. The whole rest of the night was a total shambles, culminating with SS14 telling DH he would never apologize to either of us for his behavior, and that actually, WE owed HIM an apology for getting mad at him about it. That's when I made the choice to basically have nothing more to do with him because it was just too much.

In the last two months or so, I don't know what's happening, but he's, like, trying to act less awful around me (not that successfully since every time SS12 enters the room, he goes into dick-mode), and trying to, like, actively participate in conversations between me and DH in a pseudo-intelligent way (which I don't like), and when he's in the same room as me, and SS12 and DH aren't around, he'll sort of hover, and I kind of think he wants me to talk to him, or wants to talk to me, but I'm not having it, so then he'll leave the room... It's very awkward. My feeling is that he knew he took it WAY too far when he called me a bitch, so now he's trying to engage me again...? I seriously don't know if I'm even right, but what I do know is this: until I get an actual, unsolicited apology from him, I will remain disengaged to the fullest extent because I'm not the one.

Comments

Bossladee's picture

You are 100% right to stay disengaged until a full, sincere apology....followed by manners and respect for your Dh and yourself. What a shitty brat, smh that he would tak that way to his father and stepmom, especially on his dad's birthday.

boogeymom's picture

Right, thank you. PS, DH hasn't forgotten it, either, he'll bring it up every now and then, and SS14 now is doing the thing of when he plays dumb when he doesn't want to talk about stuff he knows he did wrong, but will never admit to. Yes, SS14, you don't remember the one and ONLY time you disappeared into the night, in a neighborhood you don't know, and then had the fight of the century with your dad where everything but blows were thrown around? He is a shitty brat, indeed. But since these two a-holes have never had to have manners or respect before, I don't know why they'd start now. The thing that still sticks in my craw a little bit is that DH didn't make him apologize to me for that little show of disrespect. Most times I don't think about it, but every now and again, it pops into my mind. My own husband didn't even defend me to his shit-faced 14-year-old kid.

boogeymom's picture

LOL, I usually do! Unfortunately, sometimes I can't find enough excuses to be out of the house. Luckily, I have a hair appointment in 2 weeks, which will be the next time they're over for the weekend. My hair appointments take FOREVER. Stubborn gray and all that. Wink

boogeymom's picture

Oh yes, shopping is almost always a part of hair-day as well. Usually my hair appointments take about 3 hours, and there's a Target close to the salon, so I usually end up wandering in there for a solid hour, hour and a half.

boogeymom's picture

DH THINKS he sets limits, but really nope, he doesn't. Most times I just let it devolve into what it usually does, which is a bunch of nonsense, but this time I pretty much jumped in before DH could because kids telling adults to shut up is probably one of my biggest hot buttons and SS14 triggered it big-time. But yes, if he actually set limits the way he thinks he does, and not just in his imagination, things would be FAR better in my house, and I probably wouldn't want to go away for the weekend every time the skids come over.

Kattkatt's picture

Sometimes it helps to remember that teenagers are morons. Like, biologically incapable of making good choices.

boogeymom's picture

LOL, then what's his excuse for the previous 13 years before that? Wink Neither of my skids are capable of making good choices, and they never have been. I doubt they ever will.