A little background: DH Son,17, opted to originally live with his mom after they split up, but that didn't work out because he was stealing from her roommate, stayed out without permission, and failed his Junior yea rand had to go to truancy court for not going to school. Handful. He came to live with us over the summer, but at the end of the first 6 weeks of the school year, he called the police on DH claiming abuse because he didn't like us grounding him for the stunts he was pulling. He took off for a few days after that and went back to his mom's house. Since being back with her, his grades have fallen to the point that I don't even know if they can be recovered, he went to jail for his part in breaking into an elementary school, has been in ISS twice, his mom's roommate up and moved out without notice because he couldn't handle living with SS, then she got kicked out of the apartment completely because of him so he had to come back to our house. But since he's come back, he shows NO remorse for anything he did, is rude, MESSY, I have to tell him the same things over and over and over again... and it still doesn't get done, he's taken off for an entire night without permission to go to a friends house to ""get cigarettes" and his excuse for not asking to go was that he knew his dad would say no, then he didn't come back because he knew he was in trouble when he saw his dad's truck driving around looking for him. I've had to email into the school to excuse his "absences" so DH doesn't end up back in court over truancy. He's stolen alcohol from the bar, lies about doing schoolwork... you name it, I've been dealing with it. But the part I'm struggling with is there are NO CONSEQUENCES!!! The only thing he's told is not to do it again. We had a family meeting and that was the only thing discussed. Don't do it. Not, If you don't, XYZ will happen. UGh!!! Then DH got frustrated with my attitude about the whole thing and asked what SS had done to ME??? Its miserable to come home to him. Everything is messy, and I'm sick of asking for the same thing over and over... So I just do it myself, but I'm getting resentful for all the extra work with no respect - at all! I don't know how to handle it and I don't want it to ruin my relationship with DH. Am I being unreasonable, or do you have any ideas how to handle it?? I would love to talk to my therapist, but he's out of town til mid dec.
Also, I wrote up a list of house rules for the holiday week, and a paper with what is expected of people living in our house and the consequences that would occur if the infractions continues. DH looked it over and said he agreed with it, but it sounded "cold" so he was going to re-write it and we would present it to SS. Well, he hasn't. And I'm not sure how warm and fuzzy matter-of-fact stuff should be. I should also mention that SS has a tendency to go out an do drugs and has taken his prescribed meds for his ADD and sold them to his friends, so we no longer buy them. I'm at my wits end.