Pregnant SD-17
I have gotten some good advice from lots of people on this site - but can really use more....
I am newly married when SD-17 announces she was pregnant. Not only that - she got pregnant on purpose to trap a boy (19). Boy wants nothing to do with the baby , but SD is obsessed with him. Calls, texts, etc. even gives him money since he won't work. He only wants sex and money from her.
I knew SD was spoiled and had a bad attitude, but not to this level. Now she has to grow up. She refuses to give baby up for adoption and wants to raise it herself. But....she expects us to pay for everything for her and her child. She feels entitled to it.
DH knows there is a problem...duh. But doesn't know what to do. I do - tough love. DH doesn't think he can throw princess out in the street alone. BM won't help financially - just causes problems.
DH also is not putting the marriage first. I am realizing he never did and never will. I am seriouslly considering leaving now.
Today DH calls. BM called him and wants to meet with us to discuss how to get SD to take responsibility. Get her on welfare, etc. BM wants me there because she knows I am the only one that can get SD to do things. EX: she was failing all her classes and was not going to graduate and she is a senior. This last report card was all As and Bs, only because I treated her like a first grader and checked her work daily.
So besides running for the hills ...any advice for this "discussion"????
If you stay and she is
If you stay and she is keeping this child she needs to understand that "RAISING A BABY" mean SHE IS FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE not you and DH. End of discussion. She doesn't get to have a baby and reap all the benefits of having a little person love her unconditionally and not take on any of the responsibility. Babies are not party favors. What does she think "raising a baby" means. Make her explain that before any of you say anything. Let her define what she thinks that means. If she thinks it means, I have a baby, I still go to school, I still date, I still party, I still don't have a J-O-B, I still chase this silly boy and expect no help from him financially, you guys pay my way and for all the baby's needs, you baby-sit, you deal with the baby when it cries or is sick...you need to give her a healthy dose of reality. And you need dh and bm to agree to stick to it because once that baby shows up SOMEONE has to be responsible for it and you can bet your ass she will use it against you to manipulate and get what she wants.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
god! boy do i know where
god! boy do i know where you are at!
i don't have any words of advice...in a VERY similar situation
will wait patiently for some replies of wisdom
well she isn't the first to
well she isn't the first to try this, be patient, accept this baby with all the love in the world, SD will slowly and painfully realize the mistake she has made, but the baby is innocent and needs your love! My sister had a baby at 17, she went through a tough learning curve but, she is an awsome mom. She is now 30, married, owns her own home and runs her own small work at home accounting business so she can spend time with her 13yo son(who thinks mom holds the world and that his Step dad is awsome)she really has her life together! so give your SD some time and things will work out but be supportive of her future and be there she will need a shoulder to cry on shortly when her reality starts to sink in! Love will heal all wounds!!!