Last night was to be date night. It started as usual. SD-17 (pregnant 3 months) wanting to go. She didn't physically, but believe me she was there. It is to the point that all conversations turn to her. DH complains about it, but he says something about *insert subject here* and what he things SD should do. Thus it causes a conversation.

When I was dating my DH I knew his daughter had an attitude, but she was a teenager. When we decided to get married, she was happy. SD couldn't wait to change the house. SD even calls her mother the "Warden" or the "Monster". SD never wanted to live with her BM. When parents divorced she lived with dad. They were very close - but fight and gab at each other all the time.

SD steals best friends bf. They break up. She gets obsessed with getting him back. Sneaks out. Lies. etc. Started to fail all her classes because she tried to spend every minute with him...and her ex-best. Creepy at best. The ex boy allowed it, Who wouldn't like a harem with two girls fighting over you and giving you 'everything' you wanted. Through all this DH just hoped she would grow out of it. SD got pregnant on purpose to win this boy. Didn't work. Now we have her and the baby.

Before she was never home. Now she won't leave. She stays home unless she goes somewhere with us. I don't see any of these former friends she said she was always going to do things with.

Enter me. I start overseeing her education because I don't want her to NOT graduate. She is a senior. I have to ride her daily. I have to find out from teachers when she has work due and tell HER. Well that worked. She is passing again. But that is not all.

To get her to eat right for the baby's health -- I have to cook and place it in front of her. She doesn't want me to be her mother - she has one - even though not involved.

Regardless of what I do for her. Me and my sons are not her family. She also tells DH she wants to be #1 again, but can't say what that means. It means don't take up for me. Recently a friend of the family died. His funeral was to be on the same day as my son's wedding. SD threw a major fit because HD wasn't going to the funeral but to the wedding. That is just one example.

HD loves me, but I know he still sees his daughter at #1, not just a priority. He won't force her to do anything. His question - how do I make her. When I mention tough love - he agrees, but then says he can't do it.

He follows by saying "Glad you could throw your child out." I try to explain my children were raised with rules and consequences. They won't break a rule because they knew without a doubt I would follow through with a consequence. Like SD told me - "I wasn't raised like that."
The idea of tough love is to NOT have to push them out -- that the SD gets that she could lose it all. But HD has his head in the sand.