I am starting to wonder if my 12 year old SD has some sort of psychological disorder because of her refusal to take care of basic human hygiene. I have been with DH for 9 years and at 12, this kid is still wetting the bed. I would be semi ok with this if she cleaned up afterwards but her way of dealing with things is to hide the underwear, lie about it and sit around in pee pants all day. We have told her multiple times that she would not be in trouble if she just took care of things (change your sheets, bath etc)

Nope we have found multiple pairs of pee stained underwear in every nook and cranny in her room. When I ask her why she liked getting in trouble as opposed to just cleaning up, her response is I don't know. I flipped out yesterday because I let my niece use her desk and she opened the drawer to get markers and SD had stuffed a bag of underwear, used pads (ew), pee clothes and toilet paper. I of course called DH and told him something needed to be done. He of course said he would talk to her, but that never does anything!

Out of anger, I texted her and told her that her phone data was getting shut off. She immediately went to BM and said that I told her the phone was getting shut off. BM calls DH yells at him that I need to understand that I can't punish the kids at her house. That's fine but I was unaware that applied to the phone we bought and pay for monthly. Not my fault her credit is so bad they can't get a plan.

SD also plays dumb and doesn't remember to use toothpaste, or soap and is getting rapidly worsening acne becauswhen told to wash her face she pouts and "never remembers".

Is all this normal or should I bug DH about getting her to a doctor?