Hi i am looking to get some peoples opinion here. I entered into a relationship with my girlfriend about 3 and a half years ago. I knew that she had two children- ages now 16(girl), 14(boy). Before I moved in I got along with her kids great, they would be very respectful and polite, though once I moved in things changed. It was ok for a few months though then I started to notice the total disrespect they gave to their mother I felt I should say something to them, then the problems started.
They would not listen to me at all, the son would tell me what to do. To make things more complicated they are of pacific islander background and I am australian. They would constantly make me feel less than because of our differences in culture. I would ask the son nicely to please use a fork when he eats his spagetti for example rather than his hands as the food would be dropping on the carpet, the table, he would wipe his hands on the light switches, handles etc though he would refuse saying "no, this is how samoans eat". He would go to the toilet and not wash his hands, again I would ask but he would refuse, or he would say "yeah im just going to grab a drink from the fridge first". My girlfriend then fell pregnant, and I knew I had to step up and be a role model for these kids and try to get the house in order before the baby came along. I would try my hardest to get along with her kids but also try to give them the right guidance etc. My girlfriend would struggle to wake them in the morning because they would go to bed at around 1am. She couldnt stop them from going to bed at this time they would just refuse, or laugh it off, then eventually they would just go into the room and play xbox or something till 1am, and the boy would come out to the loungeroom constantly because he wants a drink, or a packet of chips, go to the toilet, etc would just refuse to go to bed until we did. So I spoke with her and asked did she want me to come up with a way to get them to go to bed early- she said yes. So I bought a whiteboard, drew up a chart and told them that they will get a tick if they go to bed on time and after a week all ticks will get pocket money- which they agreed and my girlfriend agreed to enforce. 1st week was ok, 2nd- they would start the whole coming out literally every 10 minutes for drinks, chips, still playing xbox etc so i would put a cross. She then accused me of not liking them and the arguments started. In the end the kids decided "we dont want the list anymore". I was gobsmacked. If I raised my voice or anything the son would say " I will get my uncle and he will bash you". On several occasions the uncle did come to the house and supervise the parenting. If the kids ever disrespected him or pissed him off he would give them a hiding- which I totally disagree with. My girlfriend is scared of her brother (the uncle) so she wouldnt say or do anything. He could walk in anytime and have total control, or tell the kids to pack their bags and come to his house- she would just accept whatever he does. He hated me because the kids would tell them how bad I am for asking them to use a fork when eating, or turn off their music at 1am in the morning. When our daughter was born he sent his son into the hospital to see if I was there and then reported back "yes he's there" so he wouldnt come in. I then called him and said to put whatever problems he has with me aside and to come and see our daughter- though he reacted with an invitation for a fight.
Her kids would see the way their uncle treats me so they would kind of follow suit. Whenever they went there and came back home they would purposely try to annoy me. I was so happy to have my daughter though kind of worried that she would soon see the way I am treated and think I am not worthy of respect or anything because of the way I was treated in the house. I continued to try to get along with them and make everybody happy. I worked 16 hour days for 7 months to try to catch up financially, before going back to 8 hour shifts. I bought the kids alot of stuff, new furniture in the house, foxtel, 4 thousand dollar air conditioner, bought her a new car but she crashed it, the list goes on. The kids really wanted a dog- I explained that they would have to walk it, feed it, pick up poo, play, etc, and they signed a piece of paper that they would do this. 1st week was ok, then they got sick of picking up the poo so they didnt feed him. I would ask has he been fed to my girlfriend- she would get angry saying to leave the kids alone they done their jobs so leave them alone. I couldnt help but notice though no water, no food, poo everywhere, the dogs ribcage is showing he is so skinny I ended up having to do it myself. I would drop the kids off to school though the girl would ask me to drop her around the corner, and the boy would duck if he saw his uncle. I didnt know what else I could do especially when the uncle is trying to make my life hard. Then there was the money thing- the girl would wake up on the weekend and tell her mum she is going with her girlfriends to the movies or something- so she would need some money thanks. I would be the one having to give it. When I was young we just didnt do that. I would go to work to support their spending habits, my girlfriend was no better as I would always see new clothes, etc, when we have plenty in the house already and we should be trying to buy a house as we were renting. I wanted to send my daughter to a good school etc, but my girlfriend always wants to go out, buy clothes, new shoes etc saying "as long as we are happy". And she would be super jealous- if i wanted to go to the gym she would say"who are you trying to look good for hey?
" though I work in physical type jobs if I dont try to keep fit it will be harder for me- if I lose my job the family will suffer, but she just didnt think that way. She did however always cook for me, do my washing and do her best to look after me, and we have a daughter together. I am just so lost as to what to do. I have moved in with my family just so we can work this out, but I fear I will not see my daughter and I miss seing the little things she does, etc, and I cant be there to watch her grow and learn and be a father to her, she wants me to move back in though the problems are still there- her kids clearly dont like me but she says " they are not saying anything", I know that its probably best for them if I am not there, but what about my daughter and her life? I dont want her to suffer I wonder if I should just put up with it for her sake, then when she is older I can move out then? but then I dont see myself being able to. Any advice would be greatly appreciated