Help Im so helpless
Over the past year I have met the most awsome man, and I love him. The problem lies with his children and his ex wife. I have been villified by his ex to the point that the kids refuse to meet me, the kids are 13 and 17, and have been the center of my boyfreinds life, his ex has done everything in her power to destroy our relationship and his relationship with the kids. When we moved in together 4 months ago the kids refused all but any contact that got them rewarded ie shopping for clothes. My bf R held his ground and told them that if they didnt accept his life then until they were ready to acccept it they would be missing out. This has eaten him alive because they havent come around now he says its his turn to "give" and he will do whatever it takes, Im terrified. what can I do to try and get these kids to meet me they flat out refuse, I really want him to be happy but Im scared that it might be at the expence of our relationship. Any help would be great!
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Help him see that this is
Help him see that this is emotional blackmail. There is a great book about this, called simply enough Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward.
How long has he been divorced? If it hasn't been long then I can understand they will have some trouble at first accepting that their parents are going to be with someone else. But--he needs to hold firm and set the boundaries. They don't have the right to dictate his love life. And if he gives in, they will continue to pull the strings. No one should use "love" to control someone else. How happy will he be if he gives you up to satisfy them? They will go on with their lives and he will be alone. They will do this to every woman he tries to be with.
SoTired1 I totally agree, in
SoTired1
I totally agree, in addition, I think boyfriend needs to spend one-on-one time with his children (without his new, live-in GF). Change is not easy for many adults, so imagine how difficult change is for a teenager. I think BF should take it one-step-at-a-time & that GF should encourage him to do so (especially being that she says she loves him). She should love him enough to allow him to get things in perspective with his children. These children will not be interested in meeting GF, initially, but I'm sure as soon as they're feeling reassured that their relationship with their father is not threatened by his new GF that perhaps they'll be prepared to meet his GF.
This is sad, so much PAS
This is sad, so much PAS that these kids are going to miss out on a relationship with there BF.I hope he doesn't bend so much that he sacrifices his own happiness.
sounds like if he does give
sounds like if he does give in at the cost of your relationship, that he will forever be ALONE until he learns to stand his ground and not let them dictate this part of his life.
I agree with you all
I agree with you all completly, my plan is to be as supportive of him as I can be from the sidelines .....Suggesting outings, communication stratigies, and just recently a councelor for him. He has gone only once but made appts. for one hour every two weeks. As far as I can see, BM is never going to allow him to recover from the guilt he feels, but hopefully the councelor and I can help him through. And I can see that I have found an awsome resource for me, right here!!! Thank you so much Lisa~Lisa~