I hope this isn’t too long but I am so sad and depressed. Backstory, my husband and I have been married for 6 years. I have two step kids SD 23 and SS 18. SS18 has had SO MANY problems since I met him 10 years ago. Failing grades, fired from jobs for being high, Drugs, Alcohol, dealing drugs, lying, stealing, stealing car etc. You name it, he’s done it (except jail time though he has had the cops called on him at school multiple times for dealing). Somehow, he managed to graduate high school in June and supposedly is going to community college next month. He lives with us full time since his mom threw him out three years ago because she can’t handle him anymore. But then she tells him to come spend the night and buys him alcohol, lets him wander the streets with known drug users (when he was younger) and buys him expensive electronics and other things then gets mad when he doesn’t want to spend time with her. She is off her rocker in case you can’t tell. Then she gets pissy when he takes advantage of her. They fight, she says he can’t come over anymore, then she calls two weeks later for more and he goes back. Never ending cycle with those two. He uses her so he can go there b/c we are too strict and he can do whatever he wants there.

My DH and I travel for work and for fun quite a bit. Over the years, BM has reluctantly agreed for him to stay there when we travel if we give her money. Inevitably, at the end of the visit she is screaming he is a POS and cannot come back to her house. Then she cools down and it’s all okay. Because of his past, He is NOT allowed to stay at our house when we are out of town. PERIOD. We have cameras in the house and a Ring doorbell (too many sketchy people coming and going) so we can see if he comes over when we are gone. Since he has turned 18, BM says he is too old to come stay at her house anymore. So, we are stuck.

 We went out of town last week for 9 days and told him he had to make other arrangements. We gave him TWO MONTHS notice to do so (Grandmother, sister, friends etc. He stays out all night at “friends” so he has places to go and quite frankly, it’s not my problem) He talked his mom in to letting him stay there (her bad choice). Of course, things went badly and she is again refusing for anymore.

The problem I’m having is my husband is trying to plan all these trips for us and I’ve told him the deal. He thinks SS should be allowed to stay here and that it is MY problem and I need to get over it. WTF. I am so sick of being made out to be the bad guy here. It’s the choices of the SS18 that has landed us here, not mine. I am not the reason we cannot travel, SS is. Why the hell am I being made out to be the bad guy? How in any universe, is this MY fault? My husband just wants to let him stay here because it’s easier than finding a place for him to go and he doesn’t want to deal with BM. So My house and my cats are in jeopardy because my husband doesn’t want to deal with it.

I’m exhausted just writing this. I am at my wits end. Thank you for reading this far…