Why am I so angry towards my SD.
Well when I first met my partner I used to get on so well with her daughter, we were best friends. Over the past year of so we have drifted so apart I cannot find two words to string a sentence together.
I personally believe my partner is to blame, as she never shouts at her or corrects her, she buys her anything and everything she wants.
We have a 2 year old daughter together and she will let me correct her and say no and will not bat an eyelid.
I am at constant loggerhead with her.
Sunday lunches when I cook a Sunday roast, she sits there and sulks until I cook her something else. Me I get so annoyed at this I try and get her to eat her mash and peas and try a bit of chicken. But my partner gives her all the ammo she needs little comments like "aw the peas are abit soft or well she doesn't like that part of the chicken.
I feel as though she has to protect her because her real dad wanted nothing to do with her or her daughter and now takes that out on me if I correct her.
In my partners words " you cannot discipline my daughter"
Now correct me if im wrong I've been there since she was 4 paid for her clothes,food, holidays, was there when she lost her first tooth, first day of big school, all her dance recitals.
I should in my eyes be able to correct her as I see fit.
But my partner thinks that I am the problem and its my attitude and approach to the situations that make them worse.
Yesterday we had a full blown row, because the SD wanted sweets before her dinner, I said no as she wont eat lunch and she said yes. For the SD to turn and give me this smug little smirk she always gives me a small "FU" if you like. And it grates me!
What can I do?
The partner is not up for reasoning, in her eyes her daughter can do no wrong and its a part of growing up.
She just gives off this smirk all the time and what ever I say to her she runs back to her mum and I just await the "why you have said that to her!" Comments.
During the row I said to her if she cannot accept that I can discipline her as I see fit then maybe she should get in touch with her dad and get some CSA out of him because its coming to a point where my wages will no longer be spent towards my SD.
Any advise please?
It's her child and it's up to
It's her child and it's up to her to decide if she wants you to discipline her or not. She has decided that she doesn't.
Now you have some choices to make. Do you stay in a home with a kid you have zero control over?
Do you continue to spend your money supporting a kid you have no control over?
Do you continue to cook for, provide transportation. ... for a kid you have no control of?
Follow the advise given by
Follow the advise given by others here and read this: http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
IMHO you and your partner are
IMHO you and your partner are equity partners in life and that makes you equity parents to any children in your joint home regardless of biology.
Time to give your SO eye opening clarity that if she does not like how you discipline and parent then she can step up and get it done before you have to or she can STFU. No disrespect intended but she does everything but treat you with respect by subverting your parenting and disciplinary efforts in your own home.
If your SO is not sharp enough to catch a clue from the above clarity statement then quit torturing yourself and change the locks. SO and her spawn can GTFO and you can move on with your life.
I completely feel your pain,
I completely feel your pain, as I am a stepfather as well. Here's the thing, you ultimately are correct in that your partner is at fault here. She can't expect you to financially support her daughter, but not be able to discipline her. If you're a good enough man to marry, you're a good enough man to administer discipline. PERIOD. She can't have it both ways.
Your partner is completely to blame for enabling your stepdaughter to act the way she does. My first recommendation is for you two to see a marriage counselor, which it sounds like she wouldn't be willing to go. Step two is to disengage as others have suggested. You make it very clear that if you aren't good enough to discipline her daughter, then you aren't good enough to continue providing financial support.
Echo is exactly right IMHO.
Echo
is exactly right IMHO. If SD does not want to eat what is prepared she can get off of her snarky mouthed entitled little ass and fix her own meal.
Were I you I would get my own child out of this toxic cesspool environment and far away from your characterless partner and her toxic spawn.
Good luck.
How old is she? Sometimes
How old is she? Sometimes starting around puberty a childs behavior changes.
I think her Mother should be the primary parent to discipline unless she has done something serious while in your care. I would talk to her Mother about the big stuff that bothers you and leave the little stuff alone. Ask her for her help to try to stop that behavior.
We dont all like the same foods, I am a vegetarian so I will not eat what is put on my plate if I do not eat it. Its like saying oh you hate carrots here have some. See what I mean? If you know there are foods that she doesn't like have something on hand for her to eat or have her Mother do it. Do you do all of the cooking?
I fell your pain here buddy.
I fell your pain here buddy. I'm in the same position you are in. Not allowed to discipline my ss because of fear I met get disciplined myself. I have found that disengaging is working for me. Give it a go. Hope all turns out well for you.