Could my SS be developmentally delayed?
Didn't know which category to put this post under, so sorry if it's out of place in this forum. I am wondering, and have been for quite some time whether my SS (now 7) could be developmentally delayed. His motor skills are ok, and I know he has ADHD (he is VERY intense/high energy!) but I think it could be more than that. Some examples would be:
He cannot tell us if we ask whether or not his classmates (or anyone he is trying to remember) have brown or blonde hair, eye color, nothing. He cannot describe things from memory well. He will say "I don't remember."
-He cannot wipe his own behind well or rinse the shampoo out of his hair in the shower without help
-I have him a "Magic Crayon" to color on his Easter Eggs last night and told him to draw what he wanted on there and he looked at me like I was crazy and asked "How do you draw on it?"
-Can't properly pronounce "s" and adds extra "ed's" to words if that makes any sense
He came to me this morning saying he didn't know how to take his own shirt off. ( I am not trying to be mean but really concerned.)
He also cannot describe things in chronological order well. He has no concept of time, or how long a week/weekend is. He also seems to rely very heavily on memorization in school. He will tell you an answer to a problem, but when he has to work a word problem or show a process, or you ask why the answer is what it is he has NO idea. I worry he does this to get by in school. He has always been under satisfactory on his report cards and for the first time he is meeting expectations in most subjects so I'm confused! He has been in extra reading tutoring after school 3 days a week. He also writes numbers and letters backwards often or mirrors them.
I want to get him tested but his dad seems to get offended or blame the school when I bring it up, and his mom won't either. They think it is everyone else with the problem and not their son, but from an outsiders perspective I can see it is DEFINITELY him. Any advice? Or do you think it's just ADHD??
Sounds like normal
Sounds like normal ADHD/Dyslexia problems coupled with being 7.... but as MizFoxie said.... THIS IS NOT YOUR KID. It's not appropriate that you be trying harder than either bio parent, or be caring more than either bio parent.
Bring it to Dad in a non confrontational way, with facts and examples and some materials for him to look over about testing... and then DROP IT.
He could very well be a
He could very well be a candidate for
1. receptive/expressive language disorder
2. reading disorder ( reversing letters might be a sign of that)
3. visual-spacial/sequencing issues - possibly indicative of greater problems
I do not know HOW you are going to convince his parents that he needs to be taken to the nearest Children's Hospital for an eval ( do not rely on the school to evaluate, and their feedback about being on grade level is often total bullshit) - BUT an ounce of intervention given early when brain plasticity is not yet lost is worth years and years in special education later on and can mean the difference between going to college or attending a vocational school later when he is 18. Given his sequencing difficulties he may struggle with vocational track as well. If i were his parents i would RUN, not walk, to a team of professionals to get a thorough eval.
ADHD can be medicated, that is the least of your potential worries. Learning disabilities - left untreated - tend to cause kids to lose self-esteem, act out, and be pushed towards the end of the class in every sense.
I've seen pretty much all of
I've seen pretty much all of the same behaviors exhibited by SS6 (almost 7). Skidly's in first grade, but I've noticed the developmental delays since I started dating DH 3 years ago. Before I met DH, back when Skidly was 2 he was having trouble talking and hearing. DH had mentioned this to the BM (they'd already been divorced for a year or so at this point), but she claimed that she understood Skidly just fine. Turned out that he needed tubes in his ears so he could hear. But that didn't happen until he was 3. I think this might be part of the reason Skidly is "delayed." During those years, kids start to pick up language at an amazing rate and to lose even a year of that is detrimental to a kid's development.
Before I switched to IT, I went to grad school for a Masters in Reading and Writing Instruction. So I feel that I'm somewhat qualified to point out issues kids have with learning, especially reading and comprehension issues. I made the mistake of pointing out what I noticed to DH over 2 years ago. DH did make an effort to try and do something about it, but the BM thwarted every attempt and sent him an email stating that Skidly's doing just fine for his age. I even offered to have a friend who's a SPED teacher evaluate Skidly covertly, but DH let it drop. He claimed that he couldn't do anything about it since the BM has primary custody. He also stated that I couldn't possibly know anything because I don't have my own kids and that my education isn't a replacement for experience. Umm okay DH. Not every reading specialist out there has kids, but whatever. I've stopped giving a flying rat's ass about the kid's education because the effort just isn't worth it.
And of course, now that first grade is almost over Skidly is still not reading on his own, does not know the alphabet and can't sound out multi-syllabic words or spell sight words. His teacher has started to use sign language to help him learn the alphabet, which indicates he's having trouble learning/remembering letters. But according to BM, he's doing great. I hope she feels the same way when he's a 16 year-old high school drop out because I've already told DH that there's no way in hell he's moving in with us.
All that said, kids do learn at different rates, but there are benchmarks that they should reach within a certain range of time. This will become more obvious as the child ages and his peers begin to surpass him. But ultimately my advice would be to disengage now before you're resented for your kindness and caring.
Unfortunately nothing you can
Unfortunately nothing you can do
I have learned the hard way, have a SS 4 who is clearly (to me and others at least) delayed but I dare say anything and I'm Mean and nasty and hate him.
Its so hard to sit back and watch the train crash waiting to happen but as someone else pointed out, its not up to you to be a better "parent" of care more than the bio parents
Sorry