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I think disengaging might have been the best thing I could have ever done.....not for the reasons you think though....

dledden's picture

Submitted by dledden on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 9:56am

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General Discussion

:O

Had it out with DH the other night over, the only thing we ever really fight over,SKID.

Most of you know by now my situation, but for those that don't, here's the basics: skid is autistic (age 10 next month)and has many other physical and developmental disabilities. DH ignored all his conditions until he met me and I basically forced him to.

So, I just fucking let loose the other night about how I was just DONE fighting for him/his kid anymore. I have done all I can do. For 5 years i've pushed DH to work with his child. A multitude of doctors and therapists send home activities and exercises, etc. for skid to do to improve his severely delayed gross and fine motor skills. They basically sit and collect dust. I have always ridden his ass about this shit.

Finally, I just told him I was done. If he doesn't wanna help his son, OK, I just don't care anymore. I told him I have given my 'stress' over this entire situation "up to God" and off of my shoulders. I am free.

And I am. I haven't said word one about him and his lack of parenting of skid for about 5 days now (hahaha, I know, baby steps)...

I had to take my son somewhere last night and when I came home, I noticed that some of the handwriting practice booklet (of over 100 pages EASY) that the occ. therapist from school sent home for skid to do over the summer was completed. DH told me too that he had skid in the basement doing heavy ball slams!

I don't know how long this is gonna last, maybe this is it, but i'm hoping and praying that my disengagement and 100% 'whatever' attitude will actually force DH to do for his kid.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 10:05am

Good luck! I just started disengaging too, but for different reasons. I hope your DH continues to step up, and if he doesn't, it's not oyur problem.

NEVER EVER do more than the parents are willing to do. It'll never be appreciated by anyone anyway. Not the parents, and not hte skid.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Submitted by SanAntonioSoccerMom on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 10:09am

There is no way to disengage from a 9 year old special needs child that lives in your house 24/7. That is just not possible. You may disengage from his rehab/OT but that is not the same thing.

dledden's picture

Submitted by dledden on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 10:13am

^I agree, but yes, i've disengaged from trying to make DH do what he should WANT to do. Stopped riding his ass; maybe disengage is the wrong term....

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 11:52am

I had a similar situation. My ss15 is not autistic but rather is a budding psychopath. I saw the writing on the wall when the kid was 6. I did what I could for years, encouraging dh, and even bm to help this kid while they simply minimized and made excuses. By 9 or 10-he was at the point in which I was fearful for my children. So I disengaged-let dh do what he wanted, let bm do what she wanted and focused on my kids. Dh and bm both eventually got it-but it took years and frankly it was too late to assist the kid in anyway. Now, at 15, he lives with my inlaws-my dh has no relationship with him-the bm sees him maybe once every 3-6 months and pays no support. Dh supports him. Last I heard he was going to juvenile detention next month