Hi 25angie,

I am sorry to hear/read what you are going through. Number 1 rule of a divorced dad is guilt. He is going to put his children ahead of you 100% of the time unconditionally. I am going through pretty much the same thing. Men have no spine when it comes to their kids and afraid the kids won't love him anymore if he disciplines them . You are going to resent your husband more and more because of his children and love is going to turn to hate. It's scarey but if you can walk away, keep walking really really fast. Good luck!

By reading this I feel like you telling my story, is hard when you can't even have a peace on mind at home....my wife and I just couldn't fix it bc I feel that she over protect her 15yr son to much...even when she admit that he is doing something wrong there is no punishment just a sweet talk and within hours he does it again...is a nightmare... right now we have a week separated, we been talking but we just cant agree.. I feel your pain specially when you love your partner is hard to let go.

Have you had family meetings? Set up house rules and what the conseqauences of breaking those rules would be? Boundaries are important. Get some family therapy.

I am starting to feel the same way as you. The hell kids left a few hours ago, I'm still feeling the effects of them being here... He thinks they were fine.... I'm completely drained. I might as well have worked all weekend rather than deal with them. Even tho they aren't here right now... I'm resenting him as a father Amd husband because of the 24/7 stress they put on me. I'm even asking myself do I love him enough to want this to be my life forever? Right now I feel like I hate him. I really don't.... But I can't tale these kids driving a wedge between us and creating such a strain on my life. It's so hard to let go when you love someone.... The love doesnt fade it's just the will to keep pushing yourself and allowing these kids to take your life over.

If I may...I know this thread is a little old but it looks as tho there are those who read it.

Don't give up a lifetime of happiness for a few years of misery. I know that sounds easier said than done, but I'm doing it right now.

I've had to fight with myself in my mind about my SS & SD and the issues they cause with me and then I realized something...even tho they are a permenant fixture in DH's life they are not a permenant fixture in my life nor our relationship. They are a fixture when they are there, for now.

It will eventually get better and I will be darned if I give up my soul mate because of some adolescent jerks!

It's a sink or swim situation and if you love your DH with all your mite then pull up your big girl panties and get ta swimmin!

I suggest venting, therapy, the book Stepmonster. Find things to do outside of the home when they are there. Avoid interaction at all possible costs. Another thing that has helped me...crocheting. Crazy I know but it helps me find calm and clarity when I get situations all worked up in my own mind.

Wow---I feel your pain. I inherited 3 stepsons and a vicious, vindictive and manipulative ex-wife. My husband has guilt and while he tries to see my side of things, if one of the boys-particularly the middle one who is autistic (and ps whom I have done the most for=--he was in a regular school and had no special training or life skills-I've gotten him into a great school with state assistance, to boot. ) and can push every button on your panel ....If I say ONE word that is negative about the middle one, I get it in the neck.

The elder and younger have been pretty horrid to me of late and I have finally vented about them and in return, I got it in the face from my husband. You can't win. The kids have it the worst in some ways but they hold their parents hostage by the guilt they feel.

I have been close to throwing in the towel, of late on the marriage but I am talking to a family counselor. If you love your husband, don't let the children win without a fight.

Bonchic.