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Needing to vent.....i am trying to remain neutral with my boyfriends ex but she makes it so hard

markerfelt's picture

Submitted by markerfelt on Tue, 03/03/2009 - 3:29pm

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My story really isn't new, I am dating a man who has a children. We have been dating for a few years. I get along great with the children and all of his family. The Ex is remarried. The whole story is hard to tell...but I believe she is dealing with some kind of borderline personality issues. If at the very least is socially stunted for sure and she doesn't seem to be able to get along with anyone. When her and I have talked we have really gotten along great. But as you can imagine I here all of the stories back from the kids and friends etc, , about how ugly, unfit as a parent i am. And of course she always has an issue with my boyfriend. I know that there is baggage and history with my boyfriend. I just get so mad at the pettiness of the issue she brings up. Plus it seems she has a lot of time on her hands.
She has even found my postings in this chat room. Can you believe that? I am just trying to get perspective on the whole situation. Doesnt she know that she is proving proving my point when she does things like this?

I need encouragement on how to hang in there and not to take it personal but i am having a hard time. Does this make sense?

belleboudeuse's picture

Submitted by belleboudeuse on Wed, 03/04/2009 - 8:40pm

Be very careful of the ex-wife. If she is nice to your face but talks bad about you to others, she is very likely to escalate her bad behavior the more serious about your BF you get. If you read the posts on here, you get a sense of how often the relationship with ex-wife gets worse and worse the more serious you get with your man.

Look on other posts here for advice on how to set ground rules and stick up for yourself. You need to talk things through very thoroughly with your BF. Talk through how you will handle situations where she challenges you or tries to undermine you with your BF or the kids. If your BF resists these conversations or starts siding with her, be careful. You need to be with someone who puts you first and doesn't question the validity of your feelings.

Keep writing, and good luck! We're pulling for you!

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 03/04/2009 - 9:58pm

Felt,

You are not neutral you are your BF's SO. As such you have a side in this and you and BF need to support each other.

As for the opinion and actions of the BM ........ screw her, don't give her any power over you and you your relationship with her X and don't put up with her crap.

IMHO of course.

Best regards,