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Needy Step kids

alwayslast1978's picture

I am new to this forum and I have been reading about other people's issue for a while and it seems like a safe space to share.  I have been with my wife for a little over 3 years now.  She has 2 children, an 8 year old boy and a 12 year old girl.  I don't have any children of my own.  We have the kids half of the time and their dad has them the other half.  We each have a couple of days during the week and alternate weekends.  The kids have accepted me pretty well and are actually really well behaved and there are no issues if their mom goes out and I am alone with them.  There have a few times when I worked from home and my wife went into work and they didn't bother me all day and everything went great.  The issue is that they are incredibly needy whenever their mom is around, especially her son.  At first, I thought this was because of the divorce and that he was still pretty young.  When his mom is around, he can't go more than a couple of minutes at time without saying "mum."  I think he says Mum about a thousand time a day and says it again is she doesn't answer him within 3 seconds.  I understood it when he was 4 and thought it was a phase but he is 8 and still always has to be the center of attention and things are always about him.  The only time he isn't like this is when he is glued to a screen or a phone.  He watches YouTube all of the time in our living room and it just feels like he takes over the house when he is here.  Listening to YouTube all day is annoying but if he is off screens he needs to be constantly entertained and never stops talking.  If he isn't talking he is making weird noises or doing something to draw attention to himself.  He is always bugging for more of something and will literally ask again 5 seconds after being told no. He seems to have no interest in playing outside with friends and just wants to be stuck in the house with us all of the time.  We just moved to a new house with kids his age playing outside and he just wants to be stuck in the house with us.  He won't do anything on his own and seems proud of it.  We have to bribe him to finally stay in his bed all night but this has just been the last couple of months.  He used to come in every night.  He also sleeps with his sister on weekends.   They both would do this every night and I find it very odd and kind of inappropriate.  I was hoping he would grow out of this but I am worried that he never will.  His older sister is in middle school and keeps to herself when he is here. Like most kids her age, she is in her room and talking to her friends on social media.  I became very concerned this past weekend when we had a Covid issue (no one was super sick and we are all fine now) and he had to stay at his dad's and she stayed here.  I thought we would have a quieter weekend without him here but she turned into him!  She wanted to spend every second with her mom and was saying mum every 5 minutes at times.  A few times she interuppted our conversations to call for her for things that were not a big deal.  I had to isolate the first three nights because I also had covid and her mom slept with her all three nights.  I understand that she doesn't get alone time her with mom much, but I wasn't expecting her to start acting like a 5 year old.   I get that the kids only get their mom half the time but I often find them very difficult to be around at times.  I sometimes get frustrated with her son over his behaviour, it seems like he is just constantly poking and pestering and it drives me nuts sometimes.  Sometimes my wife supports me but sometimes she thinks I am too hard on him and gets upset with me.  I was hoping that we would all be a happy family but to be honest I would be happier if she didn't have kids.  I don't hate them and there are some good times with them.  I also don't have the horror stories that I read on here.  I am not sure if the issue is me or with them.  To cope, I often try to go out or do other things when they are here but my wife picks up on that and gets upset with me.  I also seperate myself because I try to bring up issues about this to her instead of them but she sometimes gets upset and then we get in a fight which we both hate.  I am hoping this gets better as he gets older.  I found her daughter a lot more difficult to be around at first but have a better relationship with her now that she is a bit older.  I just hope that his neediness is a phase that he eventually grows out of, I feel like 8 is old for a lot of his behaviours.  I mostly just wanted to vent but if anyone has advice or insight, I would apprecaite it.  I love my wife very much and I know this is all creating a lot of tension in our marriage.  

JRI's picture

I'm flashing back to when my bios were 3 and 4.  I'd drop them off at my MIL's.  When I picked them up, they'd be whiney, bratty mommy babies.  My MIL would exclaim, "They were perfect all day!  Why are they doing this?"  Mom showed up, that's why.