Making sure BM takes SD when its her wknd
We have SD10 every other wknd during the school year and all summer except every other wknd. BM is supposed to take her every other wknd but has started saying she's too busy or doesn't have the money to make the drive (3hrs round trip). Given he's spineless when it comes to his kid and BM, SD10 stays with us. This is putting a ton of stress on our relationship because I'd like to A. Have a conversation with him without getting interrupted and/or having to explain myself to her, B. Shop for a house without her along, C. Spend a little quality time outside my house and not in the mall or with her hanging on him, and D. Actually maybe have sex with him, cause lord knows he won't when she's in the house. (Sorry...TMI, I know.)
So how do I convey this without sounding like a complete brat and as immature as SD10 or BM? Every time it comes up that we'll have SD10 for yet another weekend, it starts a fight and I'm accused of not wanting her around at all or 'making his relationship with SD harder than I already is.' How have you convinced your partner that they have to insist on skids going to BM/F when its their (legally mandated by the support agreement) time?
The big problem I see is your
The big problem I see is your DH (can't tell if you're married or not). Especially the not wanting to have sex with you when she's home. He's totally disregarded your relationship and put you at the bottom of the priority list. That is the real problem, the EOWE issue is just a symptom of that problem. Actually, that's a real problem. I don't understand any man willing to give up that much sex, even for their precious kids. There's something up with that, that's not normal.
I tried addressing this same problem, didn't go well, I said it wasn't fair, he told me it will never be fair. We're no longer together. I found another man with an older kid that we have full time, however, I spend more one on one time with my current guy than I did with the EOW guy. EOW guy didn't want a real adult relationship, he wanted to hide behind his kids and he wanted us all to be together all the time, that was his fantasy. Basically he didn't want to have to work at having an adult relationship.
All you want is some balance, but he accuses you of not wanting her around at all, typical defensive tactic. That may be true, but I bet you signed on for EOWE, not every weekend, right. That's how I felt. But he has to blame you for everything. That's too bad.
Good luck, you got your work cut out for you and you'll have a hard time changing his mind. It might be possible.
^^^THIS^^^ DH and i are
^^^THIS^^^
DH and i are currently going through the same thing... OSS doesnt want to be around his younger sibs, which i understand, so DH says he's gonna let him stay at our house.
private conversation, quality time (even a date nite!) and sex all drop to the bottom of the totem pole when there's a nosy, hormonal 15 y.o hovering around all the time.
*sigh* summer break is almost over, maybe it'll go back to normal.
(side note- boy that poor kid is gonna have it rough when he gets out of HS... real life involves knowing how to cope being around people your not fond of. that's life. he's got no coping mechanisms or life skills, just "throw a fit and i'll get my way". i guess i only recognize that cuz i'm the evil stepmom who simply doesnt want him there)
Sorry, but you're wrong that
Sorry, but you're wrong that the BM is legally mandated to take visitation. The only thing legally mandated is that the CP ensures that the child is available for visitation, but there is no law or court order that says the NCP HAS to take their visitation time
While the CP can be held in contempt for withholding visitation, you can not file contempt against a NCP for not take their visitation.
If you are having problems with the child's behavior, that is the father's problem and he needs to parent his child. If he doesn't want to have sex with you because his kid is there, then maybe you should find someone who doesn't have such hang ups about sex. I mean, I have no problem having sex with my kids in the house, you just have to wait until they're asleep.
I agree with onefoot that the EOWE issue is just the symptom - the root cause of the problem is he doesn't make his child mind and you puts your needs last on the priority list. I agree, not wanting to ever have sex just because his kid is there is not normal, any red blooded man is going to want to have sex. It would make me wonder if he was attracted to me sexually or not for him to come up with that excuse.
This is true, we went through
This is true, we went through this ourselves. Crazo was withholding the kids, whenever she felt like it. DH took her to court and the judge told her that she had to have the kids available for visitation when the CO stated. MY DH has to give her 24hr notice if he is not taking them. Case closed. She threw a fit and said what do you mean he does not have to take them. The judge told her she had to have them available he does not have to take the visitation time.
He also sent her to parenting classes, because he told her that my dh wants to see his kids and wants to spend time with them and she should be thankful. He has dozens of women a week that would give anything if their kids dad wanted visitation. He also told her he did not want to see her again; on the visitation issue, she was not to withhold them. That was 2 1/2yrs ago, so far she has not.
The skids are 13 and 16, we tell them the truth, factual without emotion, when their mom, crazo, acts up. The truth is good when a child can understand, the mechanics of visitation.
Now crazo tell them they have a choice and don't have to come. But they want to come, and she just can't figure it out. DH will end up back in court and we know it. It is just a matter of time before she does something stupid again