Sometimes I wish bf would heed my advice, not just listen, agree and NOT do a damn thing!
YOu know, he tells me that he agrees with my advice most of the time but then he doesn't do it my way because 'insert stupid reason' when it comes to sd and discipline, etc.
I keep trying to tell him that this crap him and bm do about putting sd in the middle of scheduling visitation and stuff HAS to stop. Not only does she learn to believe she's in control of it-it adds to the adult spousal status, she learns to manipulate to get her way...above ALL of this it just not fair to her because its TOO MUCH DAMN PRESSURE for a CHILD to handle.
I told him I wish you and her would get your acts together and act like adults and deal with it. He says, yeah but at least i'm not as bad as her because i don't always ask her what she wants to do, who she wants to live with (YES bm did this after they divorced and proceeded to cry when sd said dad-wtf does this?) or how bm always puts it back on sd...what do you want to do? Oh I guess, ok, well check w/them and let me know, blah blah.
It pisses me off!! SD tried to maniuplate him AGAIN-and he told her like it is. SD tried to get on the phone w/her mom to ask her to bring skates today so she can go skating (her dad takes her mom doesn't).
SO he says, and your mom is taking you? YOu're supposed to go back w/your mom today. Her...well but she doens't take me. Him: SD I wont be here, I have plans. You were supposed to be here last wknd, you know I dont' like to swap, Mon/Tue were make up days for the wknd, you ended up staying all week, so no.
Then he asked if he was the bad guy??? I Said absolutely not, so what if she can't go skating, my kids don't go every wknd the have to go to dads also-you are absolutely right in saying NO.
OF COURSE bm was like ok I can take skates over...lets see how this pans out today-but I immediately jumped on him saying I hope you made it clear she goes to bm today, bitch dropped her off all WEEK w/out even ASKING you, just her and SD making plans.
GOD this crap pisses me off-I tell him over and over, pick up the phone-tell that bitch sd will no longer make the visitation schedule, her and him, if they don't agree then no putting sd in the middle to manipulate with guilt. AHHHH another day in step land for the wknd.
I swear to you....if he gets maniuplated into having her this wknd or even tonight I will tell him to kiss off the rest of the wknd.
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I do want to add though-this
I do want to add though-this is an ongoing battle...at least I won a few ones this week w/him stepping up to stuff w/her So there HAS been progress.
But this one has bugged me for years-maybe eventually he'll come around like he's doing w/the other stuff.
One comment in your blog
One comment in your blog really got my attention: "...but then he doesn't do it my way...".
This is something that I struggled with for a lot of years with DH. While he was a part-time parent to SS, I thought there were things that he could have done better. For example, discipline was lacking IMO. Another example, when BM wouldn't share school calendars or sports schedules DH didn't go to the school or coach to get the info himself. I tried to give DH advice on how to combat PAS and teach SS more responsibility that he wasn't getting at home. But in the end DH chose to handle things his way.
When we love someone, we have to accept them for who they are. We can't change the way they parent. There are some things that you feel strongly about as a parent (I know from your blogs that you raise your boys to be respectful and responsible). But NCP dad's have an added stress of always being the bad guy (in BM and Skid's eyes) so this also influences their actions as a parent.
Keep talking to your BF about your concerns. But in the end, if you really love him, then you will need to learn to support him in being the parent he wants to be - the same way he supports you in being the parent that you are.
I know lol-you are
I know lol-you are right...but I'm a virgo, the perefectionist in me cant STAND to see him screwing up so bad lol
I'm a perfectionist too - I
I'm a perfectionist too - I know exactly what you mean!
I dont know that i have to
I dont know that i have to really accept my dh's crappy parenting as it is. He has his, I have mine, and we have ours. Mine are also more or less his and their dad is gone-but if I see him do some sort of craptastic parenting-I call him out on it. Why wouldnt I? I dont think his crappy parenting is "who he is". I think it is a function of him not knowing better, him not being stronger, him being selfish at times.
I've stepped back and let him parent his son in a crappy manner for years=thinking "it's his son-so he can choose"-but i'm done with that nonsense. His son is truly a messed up kid now. I guess if he said he'd never bring his kid around me or my/our kids we could go on like that-but that truly doesnt work for most parents-so if the kid is going to be in my house for even 5 seconds interacting with me and my kids-then I am going to do what is necessary to make my dh parent better.