How do you dicipline a teenager when you just have visitation?
Posted this earlier but we really are at a loss....
My BF loves his kids and spends as much time as he can with them. As much as the evil BM will let him. She doesn't follow the CO and he is always taking her to court for contempt.
Last night his son who is 13, was openly rebellious. He told his dad that he wasn't going to do what he was told. BM told him he could do what he wanted and didn't need to do what his dad said if he didn't want to. Someday this witch will reap what she is sowing with these kids, but she is too stupid to figure that out.
We live in Fl and they do not have joint custody. So BF has them Friday-Monday 3 weeks a month and every Wednesday night. That is once again when BM decides that will work for her.
The kid is not a bad kid, but he has figured out he cannot be killed. You know what I mean when the light bulb goes on and the teenager figures out that they really don't have to do what you say.
Well here is the dilemma. How do you punish a child that you don't have all the time. My BF believes in logical consequence discipline. But how will this work. Does any one have any advice for us or sites my BF can go to for Dads who want to be responsible with their children but don't have custody. He knows he must do something and not let his son think it is okay to be disobedient, but he is at a loss on what to do. How do you punish a child when he acts up on a Wednesday night but you won't have him again until
Friday or Saturday. What works for you?
This is the first time his son has rebelled...welcome to the teenage years with a son that has a BM that is a piece of trash and doesn't care that her choices are hurting her children.
You punish him when he is
You punish him when he is with you because you can't dictate or expect that punishment to continue at BMs. I would take every damn thing away if he is going to look you in the face and say he isn't doing anything you say.
Agreed-he can sit in his room
Agreed-he can sit in his room the remainder of his visitation time. No video games, no fun times, just sit there.
My dh struggles with this as well-although I think the real reason he does is just because he truly doesnt want to discipline ss. I mean, how hard is it if you ask something of them and they out and out tell you no to make them go sit their happy behinds in their room?
Oh my BF D17 has the worst
Oh my BF D17 has the worst attitude I wish I could smack her! "No I don't want to you cant make me!" The fact that my BF D17 will be voting for our next President scares me!
Crayon, thank you. It is hard
Crayon, thank you. It is hard to be a good parent and make your children have consequences for their choices when you only have them part of the time. What is a logical punishment for a child when you pick them up on Friday and take them to School on Monday every other week and see them 1 night a week.
This will help. I read it and sent it on to BF.
Clearly identify and
Clearly identify and communicate the household rules to him and consistently invoke appropriate discipline/consequences if he breaks them.
A 13yo is prime age for bare ass whoopin with a belt IMHO. If I were your DH I would have bent the little shit over and blistered his bare ass then asked him how not doing as his father told him was working out for him.
BM has zero control over the household rules and discipline at dad's house and the sooner that the little shit realizes it the better.
If necessary his time at your house can be all discipline. 18 days/mo of pure hell and discipline is plenty to establish household rules and appropriate consequences. He will get the message and pull his head out of his ass eventually.
You may want to get the kid a book on PAS, force him to read it and write a paper about what he learned and how PAS applies to his BM. He may learn something while serving that punishment. Of course he will have to do it all while standing up because his ass will be too sore for sitting since your DH will be blistering it regularly for a while.
Good luck.
You treat them like ANY OTHER
You treat them like ANY OTHER GUEST in your house...in MY house we don't allow X or Y or Z...period...these kids are considered "visitors" by their parents when it's convenient...ie. clean up your stuff, help clean the house...but of course, when it comes to spreading the wealth, then they are not considered visitors...they are family...
Well, anyone entering my house is allowed to do certain things...if you are a visitor, you respect those things...if not, get out. Same should go for the stepkids...sigh...
My DH used to try this BS with me..."oh, but she's just visiting"...oh really? OK, then as a visitor I don't allow anyone in my house to disrespect me or they get told to go to hell and I never want them in my home again..."oh, but this is her house too"...oh really? then guess what, she can start cleaning up her filthy room...TAKE YOUR PICK!
If you are paying for any
If you are paying for any extras, stop. Ex. Cell phone, special event. If he doesn't have to listen to you, SS does not get your money.!!
This has the added bonus of pissing off BM if she is practicing PAS.!!