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Been A While

Fading's picture

Wow, it has certainly been a while since I've been on here. Many new names! I think it has been almost 2 years since I've actually posted anything...I can honestly say things have only gotten worse with SD (now 7). Although BM and I have been getting along wonderfully! But now even BM and her hubby are noticing that something is very, very wrong with SD. She has some attachment issues and serious behavior problems. She has become increasingly violent and clingy. In her violent behavior, she has tried to push her grandmother down the stairs, choked her Grandma's dog (she is no longer allowed around our dog unsupervised), kicked and jumped on her baby brother's head (BM & SF's child), pushed classmates off the jungle gym and just hitting and kicking in general. We have tried all sorts of punishment and put her in therapy but this does nothing. We've had DHS come out and evaluate the living situations to see if they could pinpoint any possible factors. The only person she is super sweet and loving to is DH. But on that side she is extremely clingy. She follows him everywhere, even to the bathroom, and when he locks her out of the bathroom (otherwise she just walks in) she will sit outside the door and bawl. She cannot ever play alone at our house, she must always be in the same room as DH or she flips out (she actually goes into hysterics). The therapy seems to be doing little to nothing. We aren't sure what to do next. Punishment (time out, taking away toys, making her write out what she did wrong and an apology, etc) has no effect anymore. I am just at my wits end and DH is the only one out of all the parents/guardians who doesn't seem to think this is as serious as it is, which her BM and I believe may be a factor to why she isn't getting any better. I am feeling like I am on my last stand. If DH cannot begin support us (BM, me, SF, her gma) and try to help get his daughter to get better/behave, this marriage is over. It's too bad that I've come back with such horrible news, but I was really needing a place to go and figured might as well come back to good old Steptalk!

IAmALady77's picture

You definitely need to give him an ultimatum! And welcome back! Smile Maybe have your SDs therapist have a strict talking to with HIM and let him know that HE is at fault here? Your situation sounds exhausting,, good luck!!!

Agged and Fragged's picture

Sounds like dad needs the equivalent of an intervention. You are lucky that you get along with the bios, you can present a united front. I'd get everyone together -- maybe in the therapist's office, that's neutral territory -- and the whole bunch of you drop a dose of reality on dad. IMO your instincts are right, as long as dad tolerates SDs behavior, she's not going to stop. Particularly stubborn (manipulative) children take advantage where and when ever they can and won't hesitate to exploit a situation to their advantage.

That bullying behavior is going to become a major problem if it doesn't stop. If she hurts some other kid badly someone might be facing a judge.