When is it time to go? Blended Parenting Issues
My bio-son has lived with me for 11 years. This year he decided to move back to his dads, because he does not want to live here anymore. Back story, we have lived here with SD and his kids for 3+ years. I have one of his sons full time and the other 2 part time, plus we have a daughter. My son and his sons do not get a long great and never really have. He told me that SD is really hard on him and picks on him a lot. I have tried to intervene a lot and apparently it makes me a bad co-parent. My son is verging on fabulous haha that is what me and his Bio-dad call it. So he is not what his SD calls a real boy and yes he tells him that quite a bit. So not only does he want to leave because he doesn't want to be around the step family now I wonder if part is due to he may like both genders and SD is adamant that is wrong. He said he won't treat him any different but he is not changing how he thinks, because it has made him who he is. He won't pick on him for it but I better believe if it is too much he will speak up because he is entitled to his opinion. Also it is better for my son to not live here because its more accepted where his dad lives and its better for his own children to not be around it.
I am floored at his response for one. But I mostly sad that my son wants to leave because he does not like the situation he lives in. He likes the town, state, house, but not the family. I guess I just would like some advice on where to proceed. Do I stay and only see my son twice a year? Or should I go? I know I should go and I am sure that is the plan, but why is it so hard? SD and I have not been doing well for over a year now so it should be a super easy decision right?
Your son may like both
Your son may like both genders?
Has he told you this or is this just something that you can see for yourself?
If these are your DH's words "better for your son to not live here because its more accepted where his dad lives and its better for my own children to not be around it." Then LEAVE. If he is not accepting of your child for me that would be a HUGE red flag and I would be gone so fast.
Your sons happiness is important and he should feel comfortable where he lives.
You're forced to pick between the 2 and the answer should be clear, although it may not be easy.
In your heart you know what to do.
Oh no my son has told both
Oh no my son has told both his bio dad and myself. But honestly we have seen it coming for a long time. Either way he is amazing no matter how he wants like to live his life. Either way I don't want to see the smooching HAHAHA just kidding but we accept him 100%.
I do know what to do. I guess I need the guts to do it. I am at a loss as to why it is so hard. My son is who is more important. Thank you!
"If these are your DH's words
"If these are your DH's words "better for your son to not live here because its more accepted where his dad lives and its better for my own children to not be around it."
As if "it" is contagious.
Yep. I would be gone.
Your DH is a bigot, thinking it's better for his precious children to not be around your son. Just ship him off to his dad's. How convenient for your DH. And what message would that send your son? That you don't approve of him the way he is, when he is at a time of his life where your approval is more crucial than ever. He is already at a disadvantage for what a lot of society will think as he gets older; he needs your support now.
Yeah, I would be gone.
Not sure I would have any
Not sure I would have any respect for someone who is homophobic let alone be able to continue to live with him.
Your son is better off with his dad right now. Sometimes being a parent means putting your ego last. If you want to continue your marriage and living with your husband then it is best that your son does not have to live with someone who views him as less of a person because he is fabulous (whoever he is attracted to).
As for your question, the time to go was when your husband started making remarks to your child and when on further discussion he refuses to be open minded, learn more and embrace your son. As you are still there and your son is now in a more caring environment then it really is up to you how long you can live with a homophobic man who views your own son as less of a person. I would not be there much longer if it were me.
Thank you everyone. I agree I
Thank you everyone. I agree I think it is time to go. Between his views and how he is with my son it is time. It is not worth losing my child for a place I am not really happy anyways. Just need to pull up my pants and do it.