What's he waiting for?!
Hello everyone, this is my first post, but I've been reading all of your posts for a few weeks now. I can relate to so many of them. Ok, so here's one of my many issues..
I am a mother of one daughter (almost 3), My boyfriend has two teens (13-14). We have been living together for almost 2 years. Both are recently divorced. I have been through hell and high water with this man trying my best to deal with the insane witch of an ex. It's been really hard, and I used to find myself wanting to give up. We are great together, tons in common, all that good stuff. Did I mention that I moved over 3000 miles across the country just to be with him?! My question is this, I have proved myself and my level of commitment time and time again, I give our relationship 110% daily, and I truly am madly in love with this man.. so how long should I be willing to wait before I get a proposal?? We have talked about getting married, and he expresses that he loves the idea, yet, no ring.. and I sometimes get the comment, "I just want it to be perfect."
Opinions welcome!!! I need all the advice I can get! :-?
Waiting for what
Waiting for what to be perfect?The proposal?My husband and i were together 2 years and had our wedding on our 3rd anniversary together.I think 2 years is good as long as you are 100 percent of this man.Remember what he brings with him kids,ex wife etc..If you are comfortable and know this is what you can deal with and believe me there will be issues and will you 2 be strong enough together to deal with them.If so i think its great ask him to marry you and set a date but do it on a night with no kids so you have no interuptions.
I completely agree Sam..
And I have actually told him that if he doesn't ask me, I'll end up asking him. He told me that he is old fashioned and that he would rather be the one to do the asking... ok, then just ask!! I guess he's thinking that since my answer will most likely be yes, then what's the point of rushing? Me on the other hand, I am ready.. but keep me holding on forever, and who knows what's going to happen. I've changed my life, moved far away from ALL of my family with the exception of my little girl, who I brought with me (I have full custody), I have (and still am)dealt with his son, who is bipolar, and ADD.. and mind you, this is a very trying task! His daughter is more on and off with me. Some days she loves me to death, and others, she's just a little brat that ignores everyone in the house. But all in all, the wicked ex of the west included, I love this man dearly and would continue to go through hell to be with him. What gives?!
I Understand 100%
I know that you are completely ready to take this relationship to the next level as I am still in the same position as you are. Everytime I try to bring up the idea however there is a dead silence in the air lol... It doesn't matter how ready you are its a matter if he is truly ready to move ahead and progress with the relationship. The only question I could tell you to ask him one night is "whats holding you back?" its a dead on question that requires a dead on response and if waiting for perfection is his answer then ask him what needs to be so perfect before he is willing to make the leap. Good luck on your attempt to push the relationship further and if you finally get the ring let me know how you did it! lol
Maybe
Maybe he is scared to get married again?But all you have to say to him is ex didnt put up with half the stuff you put up with now but you feel strong being with him and your ready to take the next step.Ask him to marry you and make the date for your next anniversry.Tell him that this life is what you want and to be his wife would only make your relationship flourish.You have made some BIG changes in your life and that itself should help him be comfortable about getting married.Because he knows that is the place you want to be.
im in the same boat
bit of a different paddle though! i moved from PA to MO to be w my FH and trust me, i have put up w a TON from the ex-gf/bm. and actually, though we consider ourselves engaged, i dont have a ring bc he cant afford it w all the CS hes paying and everything else going on. but we talk about it all the time and are getting married this fall. trust me, im pissed things havent worked out how we both want and so is he but i know we are on the same page when it comes to our future.
i dont think theres a magic number for the amount of time u should wait but i do think u should have the talk. u dont need a deadline, u just want to make sure u both see ur relationship headed in the same direction. the proposal and ring really isnt all that important, imo, its more of the commitment that u want to make w him.
u obviously have given so much to the relationship and i think u need to know if his intentions are the same. maybe theres something going on that hes not telling u, like a secret fear. or maybe, he really cant afford it and wants to do it the rite way and give u a great ring. maybe he is in the process of saving for it! u never know!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
I'm not a material girl
I'm not after a big ring, I'm very easily pleased. I mean, I'd accept a novelty ring if need be!
Weekend Trip to Vegas to be married? Absolutely!! It's not like I'm asking for a dream wedding, he's my dream guy and I just want to do it. I want to feel like more than the "girlfriend." And I would like to know that we are in fact setting out into this new life together. Maybe he hasn't asked me yet due to his kids? I have a tough time with them, I give it all I got and it still doesn't always go as planned. I know things will not always go my way, which is fine. I ask for nothing from his children except for respect.. and that too is sometimes hard to get. From knowing him the way that I do, I think that if I ask him to marry me, it just wouldn't go over well, as he has already expressed numerous times that he thinks the guy should ask the girl. It's confusing, and makes me sometimes feel that maybe he isn't marriage minded like I am. And IF he isn't, then wtf am I still doing here?..
i hope u dont think i was implying that!
im the same way, but to MY FH, it really bugs him that he cant get me a nice ring that i can show off...guys take pride in that, ya know?
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Oh not at all!! :)
I didn't think that at all. I was more less just laying that out there
I know guys take pride in getting a girl a ring that he knows she will love and show off. But honestly, if your man got down on one knee, popped the question, making you the happiest girl ever, wouldn't you love a "cheap" ring just as much as a expensive one? Guys must just not think the way us girls do. C'mon men!! lol
im w ya!
ive said exactly that to FH. i think hes embarrassed that he cant do it the traditional way though. doesnt mean any less to me!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin