Stupid Guilty Dad Syndrome and Crazy BM
As a bit of background my botfriend has a daughter that is 3 yrs old and one young (21yrs old), crazy, bi-polar baby momma. And yes I mean baby momma, not even going to try to be nice and say mother of child. I just had our son in November and the baby momma has already called our son stupid, a bastard and a spawn. She did this even when I was pregnant. Of course, I kept my mouth shut and tried to let him deal with her. He pays her child support and has always paid her child support. Well yesterday was my botfriends bday and she decides to but him a present. A $25 gift card...why? I have no idea. Since we pay you and you complain that it's still not enough yet you go out and buy a present for him. Oh she also bought my boyfriend, myself, and my son a present for Christmas. Again, I have no idea why. So, I asked him to tell her please no more presents. He did, but he said that I couldn't handle the presents and that I'm mad. He appreciates them and thank you but no more. REALLY??? Why would you throw me into the mix. Well again she calls me a c**t and childish. Then procedes to call my son names again. So I lost it and went off on her. I have kept my mouth shut for over a year and I just can't take her nonsense anymore. She tells me that she wants her daughter to stay away from my stupid baby and that he will never see his daughter as long as he is with me. (They have a custody agreement) She also told me that why her and my botfriend do does not effect me or my bastard. When if you ar collecting child support you ar taking money away from my family now. So it does effect me. But I have no problem with him paying child support becuase it is his chid too. Just the fact that she thinks whatever they do doesn't effect my son is just silly. And when he daughter comes to visit every weekend, he has blinders on and doesn't pay any attention to me or his son. We have to stay in the bedroom so they can have the run of the house. As I am trying to feed and get my son to sleep but can't because they are screaming in the room right next to us. But when I say something, I'm being mean.
With all of this, I am starting to resent a his daughter. I hate feeling this way because I know that it's not her fault. I don't want her there becuase she has a horrible attitude that reminds me of her mother and my bf has such guilty dad syndrome that she gets to do whatever she wants. I hate feeling like I'm being pushed out of my own home. I'm at a loss and am not sure what to do??
You lost by engaging her at
You lost by engaging her at all. Sh got exactly what she wanted to get under your skin. Ignore her does it really matter what she thinks?
1. I wouldn't recommend being
1. I wouldn't recommend being in the same vicinity as BM unless it's necessary.
2. I understand that your BF needs to spend time with sd. He only sees her on weekends and she is 3. But he needs to find a way to make time for all of you when you are there. Maybe he could encourage SD to play nicely with your son (with proper supervision), have her help him with the baby by getting him diapers, and giving her praise for being an awesome big sister.
3. What does BF pay in cs? Not trying to be rude here, but if he pays a lot, he should file for a reduction. Courts do take into consideration the arrivals of subsequent children.
@Lalena75- You are 100%
@Lalena75- You are 100% right. She did exaclty what she wanted. After I engaged in conversation with her, I knew that I had lost. It doesn't matter....
@Anon2009- I distance myself from her as much as possible. I haven't had to see her in months. She texts me occasionally and I never respond, this one time I lost it.
-I agree that he needs to spend time with her, but if wants us to all be a family, then he needs to act like we are one family.
-He doesn't over pay. I wouldn't care if he had to pay her his entire paycheck, just don't buy us presents if you are going to complain that you aren't getting enough money. It doesn't make sense to me. She hasn't taken him to court for child support, even though he wants her to and has told her numerous times to please take him. She just likes to have something to hold over his head.
"She texts me occasionally
"She texts me occasionally and I never respond, this one time I lost it."
Black any and all of her phone numbers from your cell phone. She only need's your home number and your BF's cell number.
Well, this is a fine mess!
Well, this is a fine mess! Dealing with over emotional BM's is very difficult, and while the principle goes against the grain of comfort, ultimately, her sending gifts was something you should have graciously accepted, whether they came with an ulterior motive or not. Handling this like a princess is always the best way to go. Double bad on BF for throwing you under the bus the way he did!!!
So now, the best and only thing you can do is lay low...very low for a long while. The only interaction your should EVER have with BM if any is a positive one. I'll warn you, it's going to be one-sided, she'll take a lot more from you than you'll ever get in return. I'd actually suggest a gift to her, but that will backfire because that's what she tried with you. So ultimately, stay out of her line of fire. Let BF deal with her, not you. As far your SD, I would try and bond with her. It doesn't sound like there was any animosity before the fight with BM, and you can certainly expect she's being alienated from you. You being non-existent isn't going to help. Play with her while BF takes the baby for a while. Enjoy some family time with the 4 of you. Make sure you have time to love BF too. While he made a VERY VERY poor choice with his choice words to BM, it is the two of you who are in this together. Don't let her get in the middle of your relationship, or you will have no relationship left.
I'm sorry, I can't recommend
I'm sorry, I can't recommend you play "one big happy" here because I foresee him living with another pregnant girl within the next year. He threw you under the bus with his "crazy bm" and it seems he gets off on collecting BMs because he's already got two and you all sound very young and immature. He will probably always be the way he is with his daughter, and chances are, it will get worse. I suggest you figure out quickly if you can handle it, or come up with a plan to be alone.
I should have put a
I should have put a disclaimer on my advice: "If you choose to remain in such a hostile situation..."
Just accept the gifts and
Just accept the gifts and then give them away if its that big of a deal. It really is none of your business what goes on with your boyfriends kid and CS, let him deal with the crazy BM. Also, you put yourself into the situation by having a child with this man and knew he was paying CS, if you couldn't afford to have a child with your boyfriend because of him paying CS for another child then you shouldn't have had a child with this man.
Not trying to be rude, just Frank.
My skid's egg donor bought us
My skid's egg donor bought us gifts too. It's getting weird. She complains about not having enough money due to having to pay DH child support. She then contacts him to ask if I like an expensive brand of truffles. She bought me candy before Christmas and bought him a cigar (he doesn't smoke & never has). Then for Christmas she bought us ornaments last year and truffles (addressed to us as joint gift) this year. I kinda wanted to send her some homemade candy & cake balls just to be mean under the guise of being nice. She doesn't know how to cook, so that would be a nice gesture with a stab at her thrown in. I had baked them for neighbors already anyways. I ended up not doing it because it's not worth the drama and I really don't want to encourage the gift giving. DH texted her saying 'thanks' from both of us and that was the end of it. I understand your frustration, but it's not worth it to let it bother you.
@onthefence2- Wow! Well, I
@onthefence2- Wow! Well, I guess we are all entitled to our opinion. Thank you for the response. Some of what you say is true and some isn't.
@Frank-I did have a child with this man. Paying child support doesn't bother me. I feel as though it shouldn't be spent on gifts for myself and BF. That doesn't make sense to me. Especially when she complains about not getting enough but still won't take him to court for child support and she is the one who came up with the amount that he currently pays. I never said that I couldn't afford to have a child with him. I can support myself and my son. I was trying to make a point to the BM that it does have an effect to a certain point.
@Anon2009 and Polymom-Thank you for the advice. I'm laying low for sure. I'm trying to not let her control/ruin my relationship, it's very difficult sometimes.