Spoiled SD6!!! I've had it!!!
My bonus daughter is 6. She and her brothers (5 and 9) moved in full-time with her dad and I in June. Before I get into the issue this morning, let me give you a little background on their mother.
Mother Dearest did not disciple, teach them manners, rules, structure, etc. We found out that they were so behind on their medical that DCFS was contacted and we were an instant full-time family with no real time for the kids to adjust. Mother calls for about 5 minutes a few times a week. (5 minutes to talk to 3 children, mind you!)
Anyway, SD6 is the only girl in the family and is spoiled and I've really put my foot down on her being spoiled. DH and his father didnt even realize they were spoiling her until I got onto them about it. Now they are doing better at treating all 3 equally.
Well, this morning, my oldest SS9 was getting his school bag together. He has to take an empty water bottle to school as he goes to karate after school every day. He forgot it yesterday so I made sure he brought it today.
SD6 has had a problem over the last few months of taking things to school that she is not supposed to (i.e. toys, costume jewelry, fake makeup, fake phone, etc.). So every morning I have to check her bag to make sure she does not take anything to school that she is not supposed to. (If I don't, she will lose it at school and we wont get it back until the end of the year...I'm sick and tired of getting notes home, so I just started checking).
So, this morning, I went to check SD6's bookbag and low and behold, she has a water bottle in her bag. I told her to put it up in the cabinet where it is supposed to go and reminded her NICELY that she is not to take things to school that are not for school.
Holy He**! She had a TOTAL Diva meltdown with the hysterics and crying fits, wailing, etc. She would not calm down. I tried to calmly tell her that she cannot take things to school because they are not allowed. I also reminded her that her dad and I have told her a bunch of times that she cannot bring it to school.
She stomps out the door, slams the door shut and almost hit SS5 on her way out with the door. When she gets in her little Diva modes, there is not stopping or controlling her. She will scream and growl and wail and go into hysterics.
I know at her mother's, if she acts this way her mother will give her a cookie or treat or toy. Not at our house. I'm trying to BREAK the spoiling.
Anyway, will someone please give me any advice to break the diva? HELP!
As long as your DH is on the
As long as your DH is on the same page, keep correcting her firmly and consistently. Keep up the good work! It's frustrating, but you'll need to turn it around for the sake of her future!!
Actually, in this situation I
Actually, in this situation I would postpone her getting to school in order to punish her for throwing a fit. If she learns she can "escape" to school, before-school fits will become a regular thing in your household. We have had to do it with SS5 before.
Agreed, also this was BM way
Agreed, also this was BM way of "punishing" SS, who now lives with us partially because he figured out that he could get out of school by freaking out on BM...so he did so daily. Now just over a month into the school year, he had already failed due to missed school. School isn't a reward and it shouldn't be taken away as a punishment.
Thanks ladies! I definitely
Thanks ladies! I definitely cant do the late to school because then DH and I are late to work. She knows she has responsibilities and she has to learn the consequences if she does not do them.
you are doing the right
you are doing the right thing! she will soon learn packing her little tantys dont work with you, just make sure you also are telling her that you love her and stuff, which iam sure you are doing anyway, and get your partner to make sure he is on the same side as you, so you dont come across at the "mean one" if you know what i mean. kids need boundries and to be taught right form wrong, step parenting is hard aye
One thing you might want to
One thing you might want to try is while she is having one of her tantrums, just walk away. Remove your attention, including all of your attempts to calm her down. Without realizing it, you are possibly giving her a reinforcement just not one in the form of food or a treat. Attention, even negative attention, is something kids who pitch such tantrums want.
Oddly enough, I learned this not with my SS2, but working with chimps. If they were pitching a fit because they didn't get their way, I'd completely remove my attention. All of the sudden, the fit would stop. I'd come back up, resume what we were doing, and things would move more smoothly. It took some time to get them to understand that if I come back and they go back to pitching a tantrum, I'd walk again.
Now, we do this with my SS2. He has a HORRIBLE problem with throwing tantrums whenever he comes back from his mother's because she lets him do everything and have anything he demands. He comes home and goes "I want TV NOW!" He is told, very calmly, "No TV. That's not how we behave or ask for TV in this house." He has a meltdown, my BF and I just ignore him. The tantrums have gotten shorter and shorter. Once the tantrum ends, he's still pouty and mad, but then we sit down with him and talk to him for a moment.
She's old enough she knows the rules but gets mad when she is caught breaking them. Just take the item out of her bag, tell her "this is not something for school." If she pitches a fit, just ignore her, step over her, go into another room and do whatever you need there, just acting like you can't see her. She gets in your way, go around her without looking directly at her, especially do not make eye contact. It will take a while, but she will learn that even pitching her little diva fits will not get her attention. When the fit stops, THEN give her attention. Talk to her, explain why she can't do whatever it is, etc. She will learn her histrionics won't get her anything after a while.