Not really looking for advice. I know the answers but have no control over them getting accomplished.

We and I say we meaning my husband and I have absolutely NO say in regard to my 12 yo step son. I know what you'll say, my husband needs to grow a pair and take control and I wish it were that easy..

Here is some background. My husband was an alcoholic he has been sober for 6 years. Prior to that he had many drinking related incidents and spent time in jail when SS was little stupid things drunk driving for riding a moped in a corn field, and other stupid things like that, nothing violent, etc. BM, is more of a fun aunt than a mother and most of SS care was left to husbands mom. Her idea of raising a child is give them anything and everything they want never disappoint them or make them mad. Poor troubled SS, whose dad wasn't there for a few months him when he was 3...

So here we are living in a duplex that MIL owns while she lives on the other side. She has helped out financially so now we owe her our soles. We have no privacy she comes and goes as she pleases, as does SS because that's all he has ever know to do. Mom couldn't be bothered so he'd go next door to Grandma. We are working on moving, can't afford to buy yet but are looking for a rental.

I also have a son who is 9 and together we have a 2 year old daughter. Christmas is THE most stressful time in this blended family situation.

Currently we are dealing with SS suddenly deciding "I don't even know those people" referring to my family. Even though he has spent every birthday, holiday, and family gathering with us for the past 4 years. He is just such a blanket blank. My family has always welcomed him, bought him gifts and treated him just like anyone else. I want to tell them not to even buy him anything this year, I don't feel they should, maybe it's stooping to the level of a 12 year old I don't know. BUt everyone is on a limited income and he doesn't appreciate anything. But I wont tell them that, because if I do I know that the MIL will probably say well why I should I buy anything for my birth son then... Christmas is at our house I already have the job of trying to explain to my son why he doesn't get expensive shoes and toys all the time for no reason. I cannot imagine him having to sit there while SS opens literally hundreds of presents, while they have a few. MIL does buy our daughter and my son things often too but no where near as much. He is not even respectful of her and more often times that not, complains about how the $200 toy, bike, or whatever sucks that she just bought and tossed in the garage or left outside in the rain it sits. But it doesn't stop her...

It goes something like this in our house.

My son: Mom I really want XYZ. Maybe for your birthday or you could put it on your Christmas list. Or if you're really good and do all your chores, etc, etc...

Step Son: Oh that's awesome, I want that... Next day playing with it in front of everyone to show off...

We literally cannot even plan to buy him any gifts because MIL always runs right out and gets whatever it is he wants immediately. There is no earning anything, there is no rewards. We can't get him to do ANYTHING at home, where is the incentive? He doesn't like dinner, he runs next door and eats at grandmas...

It's worthless to talk to her she just gets defensive, accuses us of treating SS bad by not wanting him to have nice things... Really? Our favorite is "your grandma did the same for you". Husbands grandma.

We think she is just trying to make up for being a pretty lousy mom and over compensating.

I rambled too long, this probably doesn't even make any sense. Sorry..

I used to LOVE Christmas but it's just not fun anymore. She invites herself into all of our family time, making cookies, decorating, etc. Buys everything before we even have the chance. Even took over my traditions of new jammies on Christmas eve and the kids picking new ornaments every year. Even tries to dictate the crafts I make with the kids to give as presents to the grandparents.

We really want to keep the kids in the school district we are in, that's why it is taking longer to find a place to move but changing schools is sounding more and more appealing...