Step grandmother
I have been married for 1 year but have been living with him for 3 years. A total of 4 years. My husband refuses to see me or call me grandma to his grandchildren. The boys are 2 yr & 1 yr old . I have known each child since their birth. In fact, his son & girlfriend lived with us for 3 months right after the second child was born. I have helped with the children, have gone out of my way to buy them things they need or want. I want to be their grandma & have even asked the boys parents if it would be okay. They said yes. My husband calls me by my first name to the boys. I have told him numerous times that it makes me feel like an outsider. We have gotten in many, many fights over this issue. He says he will try to change but then he always reverts to calling me by my name & not grandma. I think if he sees me only as "___ " to them that is all I'll be. & I'll will not make an effort to be anything more. Should I continue to fight or give up ?
This is one of those tricky
This is one of those tricky things that ultimately are down to the kids.
Everyone is different, everyone has different feelings when it comes down to this sort of thing.
For example my father and step mother met my step sisters step daughter (yes confusing I know) when she was just 3 years old, that little girl started calling my father and step mother grandma and grandad and regards them as her grandparents.
Now on the other side, my mother and my step father have a different scenario. When my step fathers daughter (so my mothers step daughter- who she has been involved with since pre-teens) had her baby, the baby and now child has never called my mother grandma, she is only referred to as her first name. She has been relatively involved since that childs birth.
Maybe instead of grandma give yourself a different name, I had a grandma and grandad then a nana and papa, for me that was easier. When I gained step grandparents they all ended up with different names; grampy, nanny, grandpops etc.
If the little ones maternal grandmother is in the picture and called grandma then that might be the issue, but if you call yourself Nana U or something that might be a compromise.
Ultimately dont get too hung up on titles, it doesnt matter whether the children call you grandma, nana or your first name. What matters is that you have a relationship with them, that relationship doesnt become better or more precious due to a title.
The paternal grandma is not
The paternal grandma is not in the picture at all. She left my husband. & his son when his son was 4 or 5 so that spot is empty. I know it shouldn't really matter but I do foresee having any grandchildren from my 2 kids.
Your DH seems to be
Your DH seems to be interested only in a partial life partnership with you. IMHO.
My parents accepted my bride and my Skid from day one. Mom and dad are Deema and Deepa to all of their GKs including my SKid.
Whether your DH likes it or not ... you are Grandmother to your Grandkids regardless of the biology of those kids.
Maybe to minimize the irritation this seems to cause your DH you could sit down with the toddlers and work up a name they will all call you that is NOT your actual name and not Grandma.
The name my parents ended up with from the Gks was from my brothers eldest son (his second of three children). My nephew then 1.5 ish.could not same Gramma or Grampa started calling my mom Deema. Deepa naturally followed for my dad and my Skid them 7.5yo and my niece then 6yo started using the toddlers chosen name for mom and dad. Now all of the younger cousins refer to my parents as Deema and Deepa or Aunt Deema/Uncle Deepa.
Is DH doing this because
Is DH doing this because _______(first name) is what he calls you and it's strange on his tongue to refer to you as anything but _______(first name)? Or is it he really simply refuses to call you Gma with the SGC because he doesn't want you to be 'GMA'? Seems strange he's the only one with a problem with the GMA title, so I'm curious as to what reasoning he defends his stance on it with.
If the Skids are good with 'Gma' and use the title regarding you to the Gkids , DH should follow suit. All that these small ones know and care about is you are good to them, love them and are proud to have them as your grandchildren. Dh should at least attempt the title 'GMA _____' (first name) if it's what everyone else wants and does refer to you as GMA.