Been with my husband now for 11yrs. My bio children are grown and on there own. Together we have one daughter whom is my 14 yr old step-daughter. I have been in her life since she was 4 yrs old. Her bio mother abandon her when she was around 10 yrs. previous to the abandonment me and my husband had her on weekends that increased as her own bio mom wanted to more freedom from motherhood. My husbands mother, my mother in law has no other goal in life than to devote herself to her children and grandchildren. If not for them shed live a lonely life by her choice. She currently has her 45 year old son living with her and happily enables that. When I married my husband I made a choice to be a second mom and for several years I tried to create a happy family environment for me, my husband and SD. However, if my SD did not want to be made to clean her room she would complain to mom and grandma and of course I'm mean. Then grandma would come pick her up and SD would not have any consequences for not following through. At age 12 SD was allowed to disrespect me and call me names like jerk with no consequence. Every single time SD misbehaved dad and Meddling mother in law would shield her from consequence. I started to feel like I was a rotten person for asking the SD to keep her room clean. I turned in my resignation of Step Mom. Even so... SD is still under my roof and so inhale no where to get away. It got worse...she's 14 now allowed to stay up all night watch tv play computer games and do what she wants. Her room stinks, she stinks (hygiene), and she's been failing in school for years now. But she does well at soccer that is the prime focus for dad and grandma and never mind about manners, responsibility, school, ethics or morals. SD is in control now and she knows it. She has learned the art of lying and manipulating which is not hard for her with dad and grandma. SD will lie to get her way and many of those lies are about me. Even her dad acknowledged she was making stuff up but still no consequences! But here I am seeing all this going on and affecting my relationship with my husband to where this is the third time I've considered divorce. Mother in law influences her son, my husband that his daughter, my SD, comes before anything including me. Mother in law guilt trips my husband reminding him she has no mother. Um...no comment. My husband does not think for himself. Just this year he had not taken me on a single date in over six months because his mom and him spent every weekend at soccer practice and events with my SD leaving no quality time for us. If I so much as look at my SD my husband starts treating me like I out to get her. Um... Try the other way around! I can't go another 4 years like this... Or my worst fear that she will never get out on her own because they don everything for her...I'm not kidding...she drank out of a training dippy cup until 11 at her grandmas and 14 now...her grandma brushes her hair for her because she does not know how! So I need advice plezzz. I strongly suspect the next coming 4 teen years will only get worse. And then what if she never moves out! Dad will never support shoving her out of the nest. Keep in mind his role model mother still has my husbands brother 45 living with her. She has created co dependency with all 3 of her grown boys. A few times I seperated from my husband he moved back in with mom...couldn't do it on his own.