New here REALLY need some opinions......
Hi Im new here and to step parenting...
my husband and i have been together for 3 years and have been married for a few months...
prior to the wedding SS was so excited about the wedding and played a big roll in helping and decisions...
Since we'be been together Ive always thought the visitation schedule they have is not stable at all for a 7yr old. my husband has their son everyother day and then everyother weekend. So when he gets in trouble at school and has consequences because of it our home, it only happens at our house, as his mom is never with him. So being the bright child that he is he has figured out that if hes at trouble at dads and has no video games he knows tomorrow he'll be with mom and there will be no consequence.
Last night he told my husband he didnt like him because hes always in trouble ie no video games or tv, at our house..
when my husband explained to him he is in trouble because the bus driver had to pull over the bus a couple of times to get order because he was misbehaving. he said well im not in trouble at my moms... and i asked him if mom took away your games (since she told us she did) and he said yeah she did for a lil bit but then forgot i was in trouble and said fine just go play with them... he then also told dh that he didnt like him because his mom doesnt like him (as much as we dont like his mom, we've never said anything bad in front of him about her)
Im lost as to how to handle this... he is the middle child at his moms as she has 3 kids by three different guys so she has a busy schedule..
weve tried to talk her into having everyother week visitation but it doesnt fit into her schedule...
I am terrified for my husband and I to bring a child into this situation, ss is very sneeky and does things to be mean like open the gate for the dog to run away or broke my glasses and when i asked him why he didnt tell me he broke them he said because he didnt want to...
HELP!!
How do we handle this ? his mom seems so busy with her life that its not a big deal that he was in trouble all week last week at school... when i told her he was suppose to bring notes home from school and had them stuffed in pockets and said he had no notes to bring home it wasnt a big deal at all to her.
The only difference betwen
The only difference betwen you and are that your BM has three kids and mine only has one. I have been with my DH for almost six years, and my SS is also seven. Sounds like we need to start a support group! Read my post (also my first post)from this morning under general discussion call "I go to be angry every night".....at least you are still on speaking terms with BM....for now. Eventually, you will probably explode as I did. When my SS gets in trouble at school, it is too much for her to punish him......what would "babysit" her kid for her? No computer...no TV? Way too much effort for her.
Just because you have him
Just because you have him every night doesn't mean you can't ground him longer than a day. Ground him for a week for the time he is with you...it will still be enough of a punishment at your house to make consequences for him. It probably isn't even worth talking to BM, you will just tick her off and she will make your life even harder.
This is what it is like being a step-mom. My SD was probably similar to your SS at 7...it has gotten steadily worse every year. She is now 12 and an absolute nightmare. And we have her 24/7 (abandoned by her mom). Beware, it will likely only get worse.
I agree with optimistic.
I agree with optimistic. Ground him for the days he is with you. If he is grounded three days, ground him every other day for a week or however it works out. I agree every other day rotation is NOT stable for a child in school. Maybe your DH should think about going to court to modify the agreement. I think judges would rule the child be at one household during the school week. With my DH, he and his ex were on an every 3 day rotation and then it was stated once the child reached school age it would be a weekly rotation. One week with him, one week with BM. Well that never happened. Currently we are on a 4 day rotation. BUT my hubby is taking BM to court next month to have the agreement changed. A child shouldn't have to flip flop between houses during a school week. In our case, SD is always counting on her fingers to figure out where she is and when. It is sad!! I am confident the judge will rule in my DH's favor though. He wants SD monday-friday and BM will have her 3 weekends a month. (BM is a low life dead beat and even on the days she "has" her daughter, she is left with roommates.)
He is grounded at our house
He is grounded at our house still. It just makes it hard when the next day hes at moms or whereever she has him for the night and hes in front of the xbox all night. so he doesnt want to be at our house.
Im sure the court will agree with your DH. Thats what we are going to have to do, as well.. When we brought up the everyother day thing to her and it not being good for a child. She said it works out fine for her.
Your SD's visitation with BM, is the same with SS when hes with his mom, she never has him. Hes with his 14 yr old brother while shes out doing god knows what, or at her moms..
Its all about the money to her.. I really think she doesnt want to do he everyother week because she thinks shell get less support (which she wont, its the same amount of time) ugh!
I was in a similar situation
I was in a similar situation with my son and his dad. We did everyother day through the week till just this year and he's 10. Although it wasn't bad.
Since we went to full week stretch's OMG its so much nicer. I wish we did this years ago. And mainly for the consequence reason and his stability.
Theres now no more confussion as to who's picking him up from school. It's great!!!!
Plus I'm sure you noticed that the adjustment period is only a day rather then constantly. Plus gets us doing more cause if we start a game or something can finish it the same week rather then a month. lol
I also talk to SM a lot. well email and text. My sons someone that constantly needs to be "reminded" of things. So we stay on the same page for the most part. My sons always active, rep sports keeps us hoping, but likes his video games and when you're house has 4 TV's and there a game or 2 at each theres lots of opportunities to play, but he knows the rules, chores and homework done before games and only an hour a nite if not at sports. Plus we don't have cable at all so TV isn't an issue. And I love not having cable holly that cuts out an entire argument factor. WE have the same structure of rules at both houses so we don't hear the well at mom's or dad's crap.
I am not a big fan of the
I am not a big fan of the every other day visits; 1 of my friends does that and it just seem like such a cluster f*........I have SD14 FT and I am very sorry to tell you.......it does get worse...