Introduction
Hi there- I am new and wanted to introduce myself.
I am glad I found this site. It helps on the days being a step mother sucks.
I have an almost 11year old SD, and am also a newlywed. I love my husband more than anything, and I was open at first about him having a daughter. It's been excruciatingly hard though. Dealing with her manipulative BM is for starters. BM has been married for several years now and will tell her now husband that my husband is her soul mate. Nice, right?
SD is nearly failing is school, has no manners, and my husband has never disciplined her. He says it is because he has guilt about SD, so we're actively working together to shape her into being a strong appreciative woman. She resents it though, and insists on material possessions to win the heart over of my husband. Sigh...
I'm just grateful i have someplace to come and vent.
I am new to Steptalk also...I
I am new to Steptalk also...I have been in SD life for 7 years. my husband (her BD) and I tried therapy, and it worked while we were going, but once we stopped, she well. I guess has never stopped manipulating, but while we were in therapy he called her out on it. I cant do this anymore....i care about her, i want her to be happy and safe, but I seriously am not in her life and I live with her....I am tired of feeling hurt over her. I do love my husband though. I keep thinking after next year, after she graduates from high school things will be smoother. Thanks for introducing yourself! I am glad there is this place to vent. Its either vent here, be very unhappy, or yell at spouse.....i pick vent here.
Hi Lisa. I'm new here too. I
Hi Lisa. I'm new here too. I stumbled across the site last week and was able to vent some serious poison out of my system. I hope it works out for you too. Re: your SD, good luck, preteen girls and teenage girls are just awful by nature, being a step parent with hands tied makes it that much more difficult. There are going to be some bump,s hope you got your seatbealt ready. My SD is 15 and I found a note in her room, yes snooping, that she wants to giver her BF (ex now) head! Seriously!? She lives with us and her mother isn't around so...what do I do? I'm so disgusted with her I can't stnd myself.
God bless you honey!!
Hello, I'm new here also. I
Hello, I'm new here also. I have a SD10. I also have DD12, DD8, DD1, DD5months. And you are coming into the situation at such a tough time in her life the way it is. I entered my SD life right when she turned 5. Having preteen girls is tough. My DD12 is very materialistic and wants, wants, wants. So I think this is a trait that being this age can bring - and not so much a step issue. However, it does seem that most skids seem to have a sense of entitlement and if their parents suffer from guilt over the divorce and what it has done to the "poor" skids - it seems the skids know exactly how to play off that.
I can only imagine as my SD enters in to her preteen/teen years that her behavior will get progressively worse. But I feel that DH and BM have set it up to be that way with their "awesome" uninvolved parenting. My SD also struggles in school and was recommended for summer school, but BM didn't want to bother with it over the summer so she didn't put her in it. So SD will just keep getting further and further behind.
I just do what I can to try to be a positive role model in her life. I try to point out to DH that it is the parents responsibility to teach their child values, morals, expectations, consequences, respect, responsibility, honesty, integrity, etc. And since BM is lacking in that area, that HE needs to pick up her slack - not me. I didn't choose to have a child with BM. BM is someone I would never even choose to have a conversation with. DH has to be involved otherwise SD will just build resentment toward you and anything you try to do for her.