It would help to know how old he is. I guess fairly young. The most important thing is that you and your fiance are singing from the same hymn sheet, and that SS cannot "divide and rule".
If you say SS can't have something, you probably also need to tell your fiance you have said this, BEFORE SS goes and asks him for it.

Count your blessings. Your fiance supports you and does not overide your decisions. Children will always play off one parent against the other its all part of being a kid.

If you are worried about not lovin SS don't. It is okay not to love someone else's child as your own because they are not your own.

I am not sure what is going on here and why you are seeing a therapist so it is really difficult to have any strong opinions on it. For example when I say it is normal for kids to play one parent off agains the other, little kids do it. 40 year olds should not do it. How old is the child and is he the sole reason you are seeing a therapist/

I say no and then appear to look as though I am not bothered at all by the request, children often try this you know, you are lucky that your fiance does the honourable thing, by not going behind your back, I remember trying this as a child, if Dad said no I would ask Mum, it did'nt get me very far, so I stopped doing it, I would'nt let this worry you, Im sure he will give up soon. Many step parents on this forum would love to have a partner that supports them like yours does with you.

Most kids do this with their parents, aunts, grandparents,teachers... they stop when they figure out it doesn't work.

I agree most children do this and not just skids. My SS did this and fotunatley me and my DH would ask him if he had already asked the other person and what was their response. He was manipulative but not a good liar so he always confessed if he had already asked. Because we are usually on the same page my SS gave up and now thinks we somehow communicate telepathically since he will ask opions about things and we usually give similar answers about our view points he also thinks that we have already discussed the issue and came to an agreement out our stance. He actually said the other day he thinks we sit down and discuss anything and everything my SS could ever ask so we already have an answer for his questions that match each others. Just keep doing what you doing and be thankful your SO is backing you up, your skid will give up eventually once he learns he is not getting anywhere.

I would suggest that you and DH double check with each other first before giving an answer. AND given consequences for the lies.

Example, ss asked you and you said no, so he asks DH.

Dh should first say, did you ask ddame08? If ss says yes, then dh should ask, "well what did ddame08 say?"

If he tells the truth, fine. DH can respond with, "ddame08 already told you no. DO NOT ask me after you have already been told no!" (this conversation applies to you also if he asks DH first)

Now if SS LIES and says that ddame08 said yes, DH's response should be "you sure? Cause i'm gonna ask her and if you are lying you are going to be in more trouble."

SS has two choices, either come clean and be held accountable for his actions, or continue to lie and get in trouble. Either way you and dh both send the message, that this behavior is NOT tolerated and that you two are a united front.

Personally, there would also be consequences for going to the other parent after being told no.

You obviously have more issues going on and your nerves are probably frayed. Just be assured that what he is doing is normal, all kids do it at some stage. Take the support your fiance offers with open hands, concentrate on yourself and your other issues, and when you need to - vent it out with your therapist. If you can take care of yourself first you will find it a bit easier to cope with your SS. He really isn't doing anything to horrible, it just feels that way to you right now. I am sure in time you will learn to let this wash over you. If you say no, then he approaches your fiance' and he says no, don't react, don't say to him, I already told you no, or even tell your fiance, I have already said no to him, because all of this is attention to a young child. Kids love attention, good or bad, no matter, it is all attention to them. Kids are naturally selfish, it is all about ME as far as they are concerned. Perhaps you could work out a stratedgy with your fiance along the lines of, if you do say NO to something, let it be at that, if the child then goes to his father and dad says YES, because he is unaware that you have just said no, then say calmly, sorry fiance' but I have already told him no on that one, fiance can just say oh, okay then NO it is, and both you and fiance just drop it and continue on with what you were doing. Do not feed the monster I am glad that your fiance is supporting you though, that is so important. I wish you all the best. By the way if it helps any, if you and your husband decide to have your own children, they will do it too, it won't feel so bad then because we all think our own children make music, and other peoples' make noise.

You are lucky, my skid is a master manipulator, and DAD caves every time. Dad is teaching his kid that in fact he does NOT have to listen to me.....i see disengagement in my future