Due anyday with my own... wanting to ship his off to Korea.
:sick:
So as my header says, I'm due any day now with a baby of my own. She took over 6 years to conceive, and I can't believe I'm going to be a mommy. Others may say I've been a mom all along. I'm also a stepmom to a 10 (almost 11) year old girl. I've been throwing the "stepmom" term around a lot more now, as my maternal feelings towards her have quickly been vanishing. I really was a great "mom" to her since she was 3. She lives with us full time due to me. She knows how to read due to me. Now... I honestly want nothing to do with her. Not only has she been acting up a lot more because of her soon-to-be-here-sister, but even days she has done nothing wrong, the sight of her makes me physically anxious. :O
I love Fridays. She goes to her biomom's on Friday. I hate Sunday. We pick her up.
Yes, I'm 38 weeks pregnant, and I have about 20 billion raging hormones running through me at any given second, but I'm also an adult. She's a kid. I shouldn't be like this, but I am.
90% of me wants her to live with her mom again. Her mom has taken some great steps into being a better mom in the last year. But she is so inconsistant with her life, love life, and living situation. I know we'd end up with a pregnant teenager if my stepdaughter went to live with her. However, next year she'll be 12. And in WI the kid gets to pick (with some exceptions) where they live. At this time, I'm pretty sure she'd pick her mom's- I mean, how can homework and chores compete with fun weekends- and I can't stay I'd shed too many tears. 
I'm hoping after the baby comes and things calm down a bit, I won't have such strong negative feelings toward her...
Anyone been here or that can offer any encouraging words of advice?
Thanks 
I don't have words of advice,
I don't have words of advice, I have gotten to the point too of getting anxious and angry when I see or hear SD15. I also want to say congratulations!! That little one will be here soon!
I think a lot of kids act out
I think a lot of kids act out when a new sibling is about to arrive on the scene. Not all, but I know it happens. On top of that, this baby is being born into an intact family, with Mom and Dad being together.
Do you and DH need to discipline SD when she acts out? Absolutely. But I also think it's important to try to get them in on the action, so to speak. Try to get her involved in helping to pick things out for the baby. Let her know that she'll be a very important part of your baby's life and that your baby will be very lucky to have her as a big sister. Ask her for her opinions on names, room colors, etc.
Also, help her pick out a gift for her to give the baby. While she's at BM's, pick out a surprise gift for SD that the baby can give to her when they first meet.
I also think DH needs to be loving but firm with her. He needs to talk with her and let her know that he loves her very much, but she will face consequences for acting out. And then he needs to follow through on them. Is there anything they both like to do? Maybe once every other week, they could do something together that they both enjoy for a few hours.
I have no personal experience
I have no personal experience with this, but my mom said that after the oldest of my younger half brothers was born, she went into a severe bout of post-pardum depression . . . aimed at my then step-sister who was 2 at the time. Luckily, she realized she was not in her usual state of mind and told her H that SD needed to go stay at her grandma's for a while. I guess something in her tone, or facial expression, or who-knows-what made her H listen to her, because he usually didn't.
Today, my (ex?)step-sister lives with my mom! She hates her own mom, and has very little to do with my mom's ex-H.
I think just give it time, and if she needs to stay else-where for a bit while your hormones and her new sibling anxiety calm down, that's ok. Good luck to you.
I wish she could, but we
I wish she could, but we don't live near enough to anyone that could get her to school.
Maybe I could convince H to let her stay with her mom most of the summer.
Thanks for the tip
She got something for the
She got something for the baby and got to pick out a few outfits. She even got her own couple of gifts from us for both babyshowers- even though I got an earful from people that didn't approve.
Unfortunately hubby treats SD10 like a little princess. He's not nearly as strict as I think she should be on her. I wish he'd take charge more and do more (if not all) of the punishments with her. But he lets her "slide" so much- she just gets away with murder.
I'm not really sure what goes on at her mom's. She's got twin 2 yr old brothers there that she's a good sister to. But I'm pretty sure she does whatever she wants to at her mom's and it's ok.
SD10 does a LOT of things with me, hubby, and mom. She gets a lot of attention- but it really never seems to be enough.
For example, I've taken her for years to get pedicures with me (well, not recently, as my feet look like the marshmellow man's feet). But her mom takes her once and it's a HUGE ordeal. Same for her bedroom. She's had her own room with me and hubby since she was 4 or 5. She just recently (as in a few weeks) got her own room at mom's- and again, it was THE BEST EVER.
Jealousy on my part? Probably. Again, I don't know what my issue is. I'm hoping it's mostly crazy preggo hormones. LOL
I made her a "baby journal"
I made her a "baby journal" to write some things down about the baby and herself. Anyways, one of the things she put in it was that she hopes the baby is like her. I almost had a stroke (not in front of her, of course).
Maybe it's the age. I know a lot of parents of 9-12 yr old girls that want to lock them in a cage.
Congrats on the baby. What a
Congrats on the baby. What a joyous time. Enjoy all precious moments that will be coming your way.
On a side note. There are no states that let a child decide where they will live before the age of 18. Many have guidelines they follow. These guidelines say something along the lines of when a child reaches a certain age (some are 12 some are 14...it varies state to state) that a child's wishes will be taken into consideration. Some states even allow the child to address the judge to voice their opinion. In the end though, it is the judge who decides where the child will live. Many times there also has to be a change in circumstance to go along with what the child wishes to happen.
Now if your SO is ok with SD moving back in with mom then all of that is moot. You can just write a stipulated agreement and file it with the courts and all is well.
Can you imagine all the uproar in families lives if children could make that choice on their own? They'd be moving back and forth all the time. Ground a kid and you'd be threatened that they would just move in with the other parent. Next month they'd be trying to come back again. Children, especially at 12, just do not have the maturity to make important decisions like this on their own. My children are constantly being told by my ex-inlaws that when they turn 14 they can choose to go live with their dad. They are also being told that it is expected that they WILL make the "Right" choice and go live with their dad. I am constantly having to remind them that they have no say in where they will live until they are 18. The girls have no desire to go live with their dad and this really puts them in a bad spot, but there's nothing I can do to shut up the ex-inlaws.
Good to know. My SO wouldn't
Good to know. My SO wouldn't let her move back with mom. No way. That's his little princess. Sometimes I... well, no. Most of the time, I'm pretty sure he'd choose SD over me without hesitation. That in itself upsets me. It's like... she does no wrong in his eyes. I overreact, I'm strict, I expect her to behave and do her homework. Holy sh*t, right? I'm such a b*tch. (rolls eyes) No. It's just I KNOW what my SD is capable of and responsible enough for, and I expect it. Personally I think all of those second chances that people keep handing her is not preparing her for anything in the real world.
It's interesting though... this year she's in middle school, and anyone with MS girls knows that the claws come out and drama starts. Well, she has literally one friend that will hang out with her and play with her. Why? B/c everyone else "thinks she's mean"- she's VERY bossy, demanding, jealous, and well... like her mom. She's VERY quick to point out other people's flaws, but she doesn't see it in herself. But she's the FIRST to complain when someone makes her feel bad. She used to be so sweet. Now she's such an angry little you-know-what. She's seen a pyschiatrist and counselor- they told us ADHD and threw her on meds. Well, she was on them for a few years until Jan this year. We took her off (her request) b/c she wasn't growing (weight or height)- and well, her health is more important than her ability to focus in school.
I used to sit down and talk with her. But it got really old having to have the same discussions over and over. She won't do anything to help herself- she expects someone to do it for her.
I'm rambling now. lol
Thanks, all, for listening.