Anyone have a positive outcome where the Biological Dad had favored his daughter?
Here's the backdrop. We've been married for over two years. Very quickly, I noticed that my husband treated his teenage daughter differently that his sons (we have full custody of the children). It really is a double standard. The boys are not allowed to get away with nearly what she does. If they talk back or speak rudely or disrespectfully, they get a consequence. If she does any of that, my husband just lets her do it without saying anything or any recourse. It's setting her up to be a beast to live with, she already is for that matter. It's like there's a storm and dark cloud brewing when she is the room with us, most of the time. I do not deserve to be disrespected and on my own I am not one to put up with it. If it were just me (or say me and my own child and I don't have any), I would never allow a child to be so rude to me and get away with it. If I do say something now, my husband doesn't like it and thinks I should just let her do it because he says sometimes it's not worth the argument it will create. There wouldn't be an argument, if he had kept her accountable in the first place. I don't know what to do because I have tried to tell me husband he is treating her differently and give specific examples and he has excused for letting her be that way. Things like he's afraid that it will push her into a dark place, if he disciplines her or push her away, or he hates dealing with it because he feels like he's going into a cage with a ferocious animal. I am so frustrated and fed up. Any help, advice or encouragement from someone who's been there and it's gotten better??
My biological father was a
My biological father was a physical and mental abuser who blamed everyone else for the reason why he beat my brother and me. He was much harder on his son than me however, now that we're older, he favors my brother a LOT more because his birthday is the day before Samhain/Halloween. He's forgotten my birthday and now says that I'm not his biological daughter. Although I'm am his biological daughter, I somehow take the "not his daughter" thing as a compliment. Who would want to be the daughter of someone like him?
The man refuses to take any kind of medication even through he's been diagnosed with short term memory loss, bi-polar bordering on schizophrenia, extreme emotional personality disorder, and Goddess knows whatever else mental he's got. I washed my hands clean of the vile beast years ago and I'm a better person for it. He's sick and when he goes, I'll never attend his funeral because he's done too much damage to the family. When I write his obituary, it will not be kind and I am going to tell the honest truth-which will be very ugly sans the four letter cursing.
As far as the daughter goes, she needs to be put into her place by her father and if he's too much of a coward to stand up to her, then someone needs to. Remember that it's YOUR HOUSE too and you have rules to go by, step-daughter or not. If he's afraid that she'll "retreat to a dark place" then she is probably in need of counseling or some kind of mental intervention. She sounds like "daddy's little girl" and I don't put up with that kind of crap; to me, it's sick. Because you share a house with your DH and the "beast", you have the right to set up rules and if she's being disrespectful, you tell her it's a cold and cruel world outside that won't put up with her drama. If DH comes down on you for saying something, you remind him of WHO YOU ARE...you help pay the bills, you deal with the children, and most of all, YOU DESERVE PEACE AND QUIET....
(((HUGS)))
I think it boils down to how
I think it boils down to how much "favortism" there is and if it's always been this way. But I do think that whenever a parent spoils one child too much, it's a problem. And especially so if the child is of the opposite sex. In many unhappy marriages, the parents might cling to the children as a substitute for the missing affection/attention from the spouse. Eg. My wife is a b!tch, but my little girl is an angel and I will lavish my attention on her! Or, my husband ignores me so I will make my son the "little man" in my life.
I see some of it in my SO's situation - his son is a mama's boy and his daughter is daddy's darling. (It's the old oedipal/electra complexes - been around since time immemorial.) Thankfully it is not to the point where it causes a problem in our relationship, because she is an adult now and is not around much nor does he hear from her.
But it is a little sickening to see how much his face lights up when he does see her, especially after she's ignored him for months. He certainly didn't light up that way with his son.